¡Ombligo!

"WW: New York, New York, it's a wonderful town..."

2007-07-03T00:24:00.000-06:00

The short story: Won a contest. Lost more weight, bought new clothes. Went to NYC where I got a fabulous haircut!

"WW: New York, New York, it's a wonderful town..."

2007-06-20T22:06:00.000-06:00

The long story:

In February, I was notified that I'd won a grand prize, this Grand Prize: One (1) Grand Prize - A hair cut/style by Serge Normant at Serge Normant for John Frieda® Salon; A personalized prescription of John Frieda® products; A trip to New York City (including economy airfare and hotel. A local winner will be provided door to door car service). Approximate retail value (“ARV”) of Grand Prize is $2000.

Anyhow, I was contacted by the PR agency in February and asked if I had specific dates to choose from or if I could choose any date. And the contact from the ad agency replied that they would have to find out when Serge Normant would be in town. Fast forward to late April when I was asked if I could fly out on June 17th, have my haircut and fly back on June 18th.

Oh and I could bring a guest! Well, there was no question as to who I'd bring - my mom. She's never been to NYC (neither had I) but she's older than I am and has wanted to go her entire life.

My weight:
Ugh, my weight - I've accepted the fact that I'm always going to have issues with my weight but have been working really so extra hard at losing weight.

I changed my workout routine and started weight training. The first week I was so sore and wanted to quit but I continued and man, has it paid off!

At last week's weigh in I was down 65 lbs since joining WW! I've since lost all the weight that was gained during the time my mom had the heart attack and the recovery process.

Ok, since joining WW I haven't bought any normal clothes - sure underwear and pajamas but nothing else as I have clothes from my different stages of fat over the years.

But my skinny fat jeans were fitting me like clown pants so it was time to buy new clothes.

All my life this has been a huge burden and has always reduced me to tears and this situation was not any different.

Leading up to it, I felt so sick and there were moments where I thought of declining the prize. I talked to my sister before clothes shopping and she told me something along the lines of "Don't focus on the size, you may not be the size you want to be but you'll get there - accept where you are now."

I reached for the size I wore pre-Graves disease and then a size down from there and then another size down.

For the first time in my life I've had to size down. All my life I've sized up and now I've not only sized down once but twice!

Yeah, I'm not where I want to be but I have to say that I do look eons better than where I once was!

I have another admission regarding my weight. I once saw and episode of Airline where they asked a passenger to buy an extra ticket because of her size. Now, this has never happened to me but all the sudden I became worried that such a thing might happen to me.

All of my life I've had this thing with scanning a room to see if I was the fattest person in the room. I haven't done that in a really long time but at the airport I did it and at that moment, felt confident that I would be okay.

SI: I'm really so proud of myself regarding SI! I haven't done so since my mom's recovery which really shows the personal strides I've taken.

Certainly there were moments especially leading up to this trip where I really felt the need to do so. At times, life can be so overwhelming and it's always been what I've turned to to deal with stress.

I can't say it's been easy not injuring myself - I'm not at that point yet. Rather I've been using every precaution not to do so, making SI the last option that I take rather than the first.

Back onto the trip:
We were only supposed to stay in NYC for that one day - fly in on Sunday and fly back on Monday but I asked if they could fly us out a day early and I would pay the additional hotel night's fee.

Thankfully they agreed!

We flew out early Saturday morning on American Airlines - they flew us 1st class.

Which is so crazy as I am the thriftiest person in the world and would never fly first class but I'm telling you flying first class on someone else's dime isn't bad!

Anyhow, first class where they served breakfast. While the masses have to pay $3 for M&M's, I got breakfast and none of this plastic cup crap - they serve in glasses!

Oh and if you sit in the first row in 1st class, you can't have any carry on with you during take off and landing. They made us store our purses overhead!

Hello, first class flyer here. How dare you take away my purse!

Did you know that first class on American Airlines has it's own magazine? Heidi Klum was on the cover - that magazine was more interesting than the one for the masses featuring Jamie King.

We had a layover at O'Hare where I saw a cardboard cutout of Anderson Cooper! Then we boarded a different plane and man were we styling this time.

As soon as the plane took off, the flight attendant asked if we wanted anything to drink.

When they serve you your drinks you get warm nuts - cashews, pistachios and almonds. Guess which nuts I hate - cashews & pistachios so I just ate the almonds - all five almonds!

Then they come around asking what you want for lunch - turkey wrap or chicken salad.

I got the turkey wrap and my mom got the chicken salad - and then the flight attendant goes around with two bottles of wine: chardonnay & cabernet sauvignon.

I just love cabernet sauvignon and far be it from me to decline a glass. Nevermind that I'm a lightweight and 1/2 a glass with dinner gets me loopy. My mom hadn't had a drink since last year - before the heart attack but she asked for a little with lunch - so here we were, two light weights up in the air and laughing our heads off over nothing.

Oh and the guy who was sitting in front of me may have possibly been an air marshal because he was huge like a football player and refused all the amenities from first class minus the cookie. Plus, he got up and pretended that he needed to go to the bathroom at one point where he quickly scanned the plane and gave a look like "Shoot me a look and I'll drop kick your ass on this plane!" Of course I don't really know if he was an air marshal as you can't really ask, can you? I have to say, in future recounts of this story - he will be!

Anyhow, I spotted the driver right away as he was carrying a sign with my name on it.

Oh and further proof that I had too much to drink while in the plane. When you exit LaGuardia, there are these railings which obviously have apples on them but when I saw them upon arrival I thought they were pumpkins and I thought to myself "Is New York known for it's pumpkins?" It later clicked that they were apples not pumpkins!

Anyhow the driver was very sweet, he wasn't sure where he was taking us at first and had to make a couple of phone calls. Then he mentioned that he was told that he was picking me up for some sort of promotion for Glamour magazine and he called my mom and I the Glamour Girls.

We stayed at The Grand Hyatt New York and we had planned on hitting the museums the next day but everyone was telling my mom to take the bus tour so we went down to ask about it - simply ask and before I know it, the woman buys us two day passes for the bus tour.

And off we headed to Times Square to hop on the night tour. I have to say that if you're only in town for a limited time, especially if it's your first time ever, the bus tour is fabulous!

You get to see a lot in a short amount of time - like Cliff Notes of the city.

The next day we were walking to Times Square and ended up finding a street fair so we shopped around there for a while and then headed off to the bus tour. My mom wanted to have lunch in Little Italy so we got off on that stop and were a bit lost as Chinatown is so massive compared to teeny, tiny Little Italy. At one point my mom fell which worried me that perhaps she was overexerting herself. Once we found Little Italy, she felt better and we ate lunch and dessert there. Then we hopped back on the bus with no real plans at that point. Headed back to Times Square and then she mentioned wanting to hit the street fair again which we did. I could tell that she was really exhausted at that point and I forced her to sit down for a while.

After some time she had enough energy to walk back to the hotel and then we just crashed once we were there. I mentioned that we should consider just staying in because she was so exhausted and I was really worried about her. She took a nap and I ended up falling asleep soon after.

After a few hours, she woke up and said "Get up, I'm not spending my last night in New York staying in a hotel room!" I asked her if she was okay because I was fine staying in if she needed to but she insisted. So, off we went again to Times Square to do the night tour again - this time earlier than the night before.

Photo of the Fuller "Flatiron" building I took on the 2nd night tour.

Oh about the tours, they seem to take different paths each time so you end up seeing different things while on the same tour. While on the tour, she spotted a little deli close to Bryant Park and mentioned that we should pick up dinner there after the tour, which we ended up doing.

It really was the perfect day, I couldn't have asked for anything more at that point.

Now for the haircut:

We spent that morning in the hotel room up until an hour before check out and then spent the rest of the time in the lobby of the hotel because another driver was supposed to take us from the hotel to the Serge Normant salon.

Ah, my hair! Now, this is a rather strange prize for me to have won because I have always had issues with my hair. As a child, I had rather thick hair which was always tangled and my mom would fix my hair every morning, curling and styling it as it was rather long.

In fact, the first time I was ever caught injuring myself was when I was five. I hated how my hair looked and I started hitting myself and my mom caught me.

In the fifth grade my mom said either I had to get up every morning to curl my hair or else I'd have to get a perm, which I did. Along with the perm came the ultra short haircut which I wasn't expecting. I spent that entire year looking like Greg Brady!

Before being diagnosed with Graves Disease, the majority of my hair fell out and I looked like a balding man with a mullet.

When my hair grew back it, it grew back very thin. When I wear it in a pony tail, the circumference of it is smaller than that of a dime. Very thin!

I don't even remember the last time I had it professionally cut. Post-Graves, I've been cutting it myself. Just a simple choppy bob - very choppy as I'm cutting it myself.

I refer to my hair as "Buddha hair" as I don't have much hair and from certain angles look rather bald.

I wanted my mom to get the haircut as I felt she would appreciate it more but when I asked the PR agency about it they said they couldn't transfer the prize due to legal issues so I had to have the haircut.

The actual haircut started off late because the salon (which is a whole new salon - they just opened it in what was the meat district) they were doing a photo shoot there for British Glamour so it was me and then those people - that was it but they were focusing on those people first.

The contact person from the pr agency was there and as soon as we walked in she came up to us and was so sweet, she really took care of us. Because it was scheduled at 2:00 p.m. we were so pressed for time - we got there right at two because it's one way and some of the streets were blocked and it's new so the driver was totally confused - it doesn't look like it's open yet because there is all this construction.

So, Lauren - the contact person asked if she could get us lunch or anything and I wasn't hungry but my mom is insulin dependent and needed to eat. My mom was getting mad because I was insisting she eat something and she kept saying no. And I asked Lauren to please get my mom something because she's diabetic and needed to eat.

Serge came over and introduced himself - explained that he was running behind because of the photo shoot and looked at my hair - talked to us a bit.

Now the #1 question that everyone asks me is if he's a snob.

Anytime I'm presented with an opportunity I happen to think of the best case scenario and the worst case. I always hope for the best but tend to focus on the worst, so as not to be disappointed.

In this case however, I didn't think he was going to be a snob. I had seen him on Oprah years ago where he was on with Julia Roberts, he's done her hair for years and even did her hair when she won the Oscar.

I have always found that Julia Roberts is very down to earth, humble and genuine. So, I figured that she would surround herself with good people.

There was one interview where she was on the set of Steel Magnolias and she mentions that everyone on the set was complaining about little things with the exception of Dolly Parton. Dolly wouldn't complain at all and that really had an impact on her.

And you know how much I love Dolly so I figured Dolly + Julia + Serge = Good People!

Anyhow, it started off late - maybe like at 3:00 - maybe later? I don't know as there wasn't a clock around. The salon is rather small. There is a huge chandelier and then some pony hair ottomans in the middle and then huge mirrors on the side with the chairs in front. Really pretty and they've got brown and white towel lined up in the shampoo area.

Oh, Serge asked how often I get my hair cut, etc.. and I mentioned that I cut my own hair - that I just start hacking away at it and he gasped and gave me a look of horror, then looked at my mom and said "Mother!"

Months ago I tried Clairol Shine Aid in my hair and that really damaged my hair so I had reddish streaks in the front. And Serge asked if I had colored it or what was going on and I explained that I had used that Shine Aid and he was shocked at how it damaged my hair.

And he said he couldn't believe a product would cause so much damage.

I told him I was wanting to grow my hair out but he was more than welcome to do anything he wanted - I was up for anything and he suggested a shag haircut which kinda made my heart sink. My mom has pictures of herself with a shag from the 70's and I always thought it was the most unflattering hairstyle she's ever had - well, that and the frosted tips. Oh and last year when she had blond highlights put in.

Ack - once again rambling on! But I was up for anything and said that was fine!

They washed my hair and then he started cutting away - he is genius! He cut off all the damaged area - I kinda have bangs - haven't had any since middle school but these are just a small part to the side and the whole thing is wispy and gives me more volume.

While he was cutting my hair I mentioned that I had seen him on Oprah and he was so humble about it that you would have thought I said "I saw you at 711, buying a Slurpee!"

Seriously, he ranks up there with Dolly and SJP. Very genuine and beyond sweet!

John Frieda, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Serge Normant at the opening of the John Frieda Salon in New York taken from Elle.com

I asked him who were his favorite celebrities to work on and he said "Julia Roberts of course, Sarah Jessica Parker, Julianne Moore and Elizabeth Hurley. But I love them all!"

He mentioned that I have a lot of natural shine on top which is funny as my sister has always said that my hair is rather dull.

I mentioned that I don't have too much hair to work with and how the majority of it fell out Pre-Graves. And he said "You have good hair, I'll give it more volume!"

Then he asked "Are you healthy now?" and I said yes, with the exception of my weight that I'm really focusing on losing weight and he said "Oh, don't worry about your weight! As long as you're healthy, that's all that matters!"

He then mentioned how beautiful my mom was and I mentioned that she had a heart attack in December. He couldn't believe it "He said, she looks so healthy, so beautiful!" He then asked if she had a history of heart problems and I mentioned that she's also diabetic and we suspect that the medicine she was on for her diabetes lead to the heart attack. And then she said "Oh, that's why you were insisting that she eat something, because you know better!"

Then he asked me "Do you think she'd like a shampoo and blowout?" To which I said "Oh, yes!" So, he sent his assistant over to ask her but she felt that it was too much, the entire trip was too perfect and that was offering too much so she didn't accept. Although I was screaming from the other side of the salon "Do it mom!"

After cutting my hair, they put a glosser with a hint of color and then he styled my hair. At that moment I felt like a superstar, I don't know how to describe it. It just seemed like it was too much for me and if it's the best thing that could ever happen in my life - I am ever so grateful for it have ever happened in my life! He was dancing around as as he was styling my hair and at one point said, "Mama is watching!"

The second that he finished styling my hair it was 4:00 which was the time the driver was supposed to pick us up to take us to the airport. I had my digital camera hoping to take photos at the salon but there was no time. It was like freakin' Cinderella - clock struck and my dream was coming to an end. So sadly, no pictures of the salon! But you can see one here from New York Magazine:

Serge hugged my mom and I and wished us both good health. My mom said to him "Good luck in your new salon!" As they had the grand opening a month ago. And he said "I will have luck, you two have brought me luck!" And he told my mom "Next time you're in town you'll be the one getting the haircut!"

He's like the Kevyn Aucoin of hair. For a long time I dreamed of meeting Kevyn and having him make me up - especially when my vitiligo went mad. Sadly that dream never came true but it kinda, sorta did in a way with my hair.

Then Lauren said that she had this huge gift bag filled with John Frieda products. She asked if I wanted to take it then or if I wanted to, she could FedEx them to me.

We were carrying on so I asked her to send them to me. They arrived the next morning and I received not only the entire John Frieda Brilliant Brunette line but also a ton of products from the Frizz-Ease line.

We then got in the car and went to the airport. While at the airport I saw the same Anderson Cooper cardboard cutout I'd seen in Chicago and you don't know how tempted I was to take a picture next to it with my superstar haircut but I was afraid that airport security would tackle me for doing so.

I'm still trying to make myself believe that it wasn't all a dream. Especially to have gone from one extreme to the other - all of December and the months following my mom's heart attack when I would wake up and have to remind myself that I wasn't trapped in a nightmare to this - all of it - just so beyond perfection.

Quoting Oprah now "God can dream a bigger dream than we can dream for ourselves."

This for me was beyond my wildest dreams, everything was so perfect - the flight out there, the time spent in the city, Serge and the haircut!

My sister asked me to take a picture of myself when I returned home - it took us a while as there were delays and layovers. Mind you, I look quite scary 99% of the time as it is and this picture was taken at around 4:30 A.M. EST, more than twelve hours after having my hair cut. I was wearing so much sunblock that I decided not to wear makeup that day as it was irritating my skin so this is me, sans makeup, looking scarier than normal with a superstar haircut which went flat after the long flight: Me.

Not the best photo obviously but it was the only one I took as I was beyond exhausted and I do believe that Cinderella looked quite crappy post-midnight also!

Since I'm actually publishing this on July 2nd but started writing this out on June 20th:

It's been two weeks now since the haircut and I'm still having trouble accepting that it wasn't all a beautiful dream. I wish I could think of a word that best describes this experience. The first couple of days after returning from the trip I'd have moments where I'd end up full out sobbing because it was that perfect!

So, two weeks ago was the haircut and two weeks from now is my birthday. Despite the negativity of this past year, I have got to say I know that this will be the best decade yet! I was so lost in my 20's and would have easily declined this prize. Even the smallest effort to improve myself hasn't gone unnoticed, unrewarded.

I'm not where I want to be but someday I will get there and I hope that it's greater than I envision it to be! I hope this is the first of many good things to come but if it isn't - that's okay because to have had this. This entire experience has just opened my spirit that much more to a better me and I'm ready to walk whichever path life leads me down.

WW: Month from hell!

2007-05-02T22:25:00.000-06:00

OMG have I really been away from my precious blog for over a month! Ugh, and what a month it has been! What a motherfuckingsuckingassratbastard month it has been. It has really been - the month from hell!

You know when you think "Man, everything is going pretty good..........something bad has to happen?"

Well, bad doesn't even began to describe it!

First off the weight! I'm still holding on to the five pounds that were re-gained during my mom's recovery process. While I was really doing good with my diet and exercise, my weight wasn't going down. I was just maintaining that weight so I started weight training and last week I lost two pounds! Yay, two pounds!

And this week I gained 2.8 lbs. So, I basically gained .8 lbs. WTF!?!?!

My cycle it totally off so I thought that it may be due to that but days later - still no cycle!!! I am sore and exhausted! All that work just to gain?!?! Yes, I know muscle weighs more than fat but come on! *shakes fists at universe*

I'm STILL dealing with the whole IRS thing. I sent them this huge envelope basically stating my case. The ad agency which ran the promotion sent me a revised 1099 in which they indicated zero income. I thought I'd see closure soon after that arrived.

Ah, no! IRS sent me a letter thanking me for my response and that they'll contact me letting me know what action they'll take based on the information I submitted. Thus, I'm in limbo with the IRS.

As if the IRS thing wasn't bad enough I am once again a victim of identity theft.

I received a letter from American Express stating that they were closing my account based on my credit record. I've had this account since I was nineteen years old and have always paid my credit cards on time, in full. I almost never carry a balance and by all means should have a spotless credit record.

The same thing happened two years ago but there was nothing on my credit report that indicated that there was a problem with my credit report. Still, the account that was closed to years ago remained closed because according to the issuer, they were unable to re-open closed accounts.

Which I believe is total bullshit but at the time I just shrugged and let it go.

The letter from AMEX states that their decision to close my account is based on the files Experian has on me and that I could contact Experian for copies of these files.

There is the option to check this information online - when I did so, it said that it was unable to process my information as I needed to include the addresses I've resided at within the last two years. I've only lived at this address for the last two years!

I then called the number and had to provide my Name, Address, SSN, Birthdate and after providing all that information it said "Based on the information you provided, we are unable to access your account."

Now I have to send in a letter with some sort of proof that I am indeed myself just to have access to my files.

I am so frustrated with this whole thing. I haven't injured myself in a really long time - since my mom's recovery and because of this I feel vulnerable to injuring myself.

I'm just so overwhelmed and frustrated because it's beyond my control and while I know that I'm innocent in all of this, I feel like there won't ever be any resolution to it all.

I feel so violated and helpless right now and know deep down inside that falling apart won't help my situation any but man, does it sound tempting.

Then yesterday I received what I thought was the PSP game I ordered - except it was a PS2. Being a moron - I decide to place an order at 3:00 in the morning and not check the format of the game before placing the order. I don't even own a PS2! Ugh, to the gift box it'll go.

Oh and I had ordered two bottles of Anna Sui Parfum from the same order as the PS2 game along with Guerlain Coriolan. Well, all three fragrances were to arrive in the same box. Except they didn't.

The only item in the box was Guerlain Coriolan. I contacted Overstock and they said that according to tracking, my package arrived yesterday.

Yes, it arrived I told them but it was missing the two Anna Sui parfums.

They informed me that they are sold out of the Anna Sui parfums and that they'll do a tracking to see if they can locate the missing items and I should hear a response in a couple of days.

Through everything I've remained so positive and now I feel that positivity slowly waining. I just feel both physically and now emotionally exhausted. I've been putting in a lot more energy and focus on my workouts just to let everything out and feel so drained afterward.

Okay, now that that's been said, I'd like to believe that this will be the most negative post ever on the blog this year.

Positivity, positivity, positivity!

Out with the bad and open to the good.

Persephone

2007-03-30T11:47:00.000-06:00

Talented and humble are two words that come to mind when I think of my friend Sali.

She mentioned that she was a singer when we first became friends...a singer...as if it were nothing big...a singer.

Now, I sing.

I sing in the shower, I sing on the treadmill and I love to sing karaoke.

My sister had a co-worker once who was a karaoke performer and even released an album of herself signing to karaoke tracks. In a delusional world - the two of us (myself and this karaoke performer) could consider ourselves singers.

Seriously, I cringe when I hear my own voice when retrieving the messages on my phone.

Honestly, if I had a voice like Sali's I would brag about it all the time! Humble wouldn't even know my name!

Fast forward to months after become a huge fan of her voice when Sali passingly mentions that she created a fragrance, Pink Manhattan. She even goes as far as mentioning that I may not like it but she would like my feedback on it.

I LOVED IT!

I was not alone as it quickly became a cult favorite and was even picked up by several fragrance sellers.

Fast forward again to last year when Sali sent me a sample of a new fragrance she was tinkering around with. This untitled sample included three notes that I seem to be drawn to in many of my favorite fragrances: blackberry, pomegranate and sandalwood.

Needless to say, I was instantly drawn to this fragrance. The final product was changed only slightly from the prototype I tested.

Sali's new fragrance known as Unreleased Mix aka Persephone is described as a forbidden skin scent: a skinful blend of dark chocolate, blackberry, pomegranate, mysore sandalwood & royal purple flowers.

In the bottle, Persephone smells like those chocolate covered berry creams that you get in a box of chocolates. Very tempting!

I first tested the final product on a very cold night as I was going out to dinner and wanted something that would cling to my skin.

On the skin, the dark chocolate dissipates making room for the blackberries. Not an overly sweet scent but rather one that's subtle and subdued until about an hour and a half after initial application when all of the sudden it becomes this warm, inviting and incredibly sexy fragrance.

This was when the sandalwood kicked in for me and the floral notes rose to the surface. This scent embodied what I liked the most about the prototype and couldn't have been a better fragrance choice for the weather.

The next evening, the weather was much warmer and I had been working out on the treadmill for an hour. I took a shower and applied Persephone, changed into some cozy pajamas and watched a movie.

Minutes later I'm surrounded by this wonderful fragrance that is so different from the night before. The floral bouquet took center stage on this night where it was hidden the night before. The other notes were mere "walk on" characters in this production.

This made me appreciate Persephone even more because it's one of those rare fragrances that has the ability to change. Another example of a fragrance that changes with the weather is Delrae's Bois de Paradis. I much prefer to wear Bois de Paradis in colder weather as it
has that extra sass that's missing with warm weather. The spices and fig seem to pop out more where they are lacking in warmer weather.

With the arrival of spring, the weather out here is very cold early in morning and late at night with warm afternoons. I have been dabbing Persephone all week long and have welcomed every note as the scent changes as the day goes on. It really is a beautiful blend and one that I have proudly added to my collection.

In so many ways, Sali is Persephone. She has the ability to adapt, to change, in the background or to take the lead.

Talented and humble are only two words of the million that can describe who she is, what she does and where she'll go.

Persephone retails for:

$110 USD for 1/4 fl oz. (Full Size)
$66 USD for 1/8 fl oz. (Half Size)

Carded samples $6 each for a half-filled small vial, 2 per customer limit.

Switchring

2007-03-28T01:45:00.000-06:00

Two weeks ago, I made this post about Switchring.

Last week while posting I noticed that Julie from Switchring responded to my post. And yesterday a package arrived from Switchring containing packages of:

Solid Gold &

Gotchies

Wow! I honestly didn't expect any type of response from Switchring at all. Seriously, how many buisinesses would have responded to a complaint from customer who ordered almost six months ago?

Everything arrived perfectly and they were packaged with both bubble wrap and packing peanuts! Nothing smashed this time!

Thank you Julie! Thank you Switchring!

Switchring is now my favorite thing ever from Canada! Well, second only to Degrassi!

I love me some Degrassi!

Sweet T Original

2007-03-27T23:54:00.000-06:00

I was first introduced to Sweet T Original when I was looking for a simple tote bag and ended up purchasing this Rose Tote.

At the time I had no idea that one small search for a simple tote bag would turn me into a tote bag collector!

I then ended up purchasing the following tote bags - all Sweet T Original tote bags!

Hibiscus Tote

Mon Cheri tote

Daisy Tote

These are collaboration tote bags in which Tanja of Sweet T Original collaborated with other artists to create limited edition bags.

The Girl & The Tree tote

Collaboration with Gaia from OtherSuchThings. In fact Gaia still has her collaboration tote up for sale: The Girl & The Tree tote.

Mine is the one in the foreground, it's different from the other one as mine has dots framing the face and the other design has clouds and birds.

Green Tote

Collaboration with Annalaura of Annalaura. The collaboration tote bag was exactly the same but hers was sold. I seriously wonder who has the my tote's twin.

Candy Tote

This was a collaboration with Sara from alphabetbandit. If you click on the above link you can see a picture of the this tote's twin.

Tanja also collaborated with Jeff Claassen. I failed to nab myself one of those bags which really sucks and I could kick myself for not having bought one!

Not only are these bags incredibly well made and all out wonderful but Tanja has the best customer service ever! She even included one of her fabulous makeup bags in one of my orders!

Seriously, the best in the industry and she's been featured in German Glamour and other publications!

Anyhow, I hadn't placed an order in a while and I was surprised to receive a package from her recently enclosed was this tote bag and the following note.:

Seriously, how awesome is that! I tell you, Tanja is one of the most fabulous people in the universe!

I am a customer for life!

WW: Reflections

2007-03-27T23:00:00.000-06:00

Stepped on the scale yesterday morning and discovered I gained five pounds. Ah, don't worry I didn't have an all out binge festival, my cycle started up - fashionably late.

I've been seriously puffy but am not worried about any serious weight gain as I was very good last week and stuck to my exercises routine and took account for everything I ate. In fact, I turned down an invitation to eat out this past weekend because I knew that I'd be tempted to order something unhealthy.

My hormones have been making me rather emotional lately - a slight touch of melancholy but for the most part I've remained rather positive.

Something I forgot to mention in my last WW update was about my mom's progress.

Now we're at the point where we can reflect on how much progress has been made. For a while I was really scared that she would suffer another heart attack. While I had been researching low-sodium foods and healing post-heart attack I came across a statistic that only 1/3 of female heart attack patients make a full recovery. So, during that time I was slowly preparing myself for the worse case scenario.

To see my mom now, you never would have thought that anything ever happened. In so many ways the heart attack changed everything because now she's committed toward being healthy - both for the present (to continue her healing process) and for the future (because we do have so much control over health.)

She was told that a friend of hers has a father-in-law who also had a quadruple bypass around the same time as her surgery and he's currently in awful shape. That he's severely depressed, still incredibly swollen, refusing to eat. I suspect that this man's doesn't have the will to go on.

And then consider that my mom had both thalassemia and diabetes to contend with and she's slightly older than this man.

She offered to speak to this man as she can relate to what he's going through but he's not taken her up on the offer.

Remaining positive has really played such a huge role in her progress. Ugh, things really sucked for a while and then got even worse than we ever could have imagined but then they got better and then even better than imagined.

For now I'm really grateful that things are going really good - almost impossibly good. And I'll reflect on this when things turn bad. This too shall pass.

A little birdie told me

2007-03-22T23:35:00.000-06:00

These are two of my favorite pieces in my glass jewelry collection:

I bought this ring through The Carrotbox. I don't remember the price I paid but it was actually marked down because it was a prototype piece.

I bought this necklace through Broke Down Barn. I first fell in love with this style of necklace when I saw one that was sold on the Crafters for Critters site. I didn't even have a favorite color choice in mind - I just loved the design.

Discovered this piece on sale one day and fell in love. I adore it! Honestly, most people don't understand why I love this necklace so much but I do!

There is currently a Blue Bird necklace up for sale on the site.

Sony PSP

2007-03-22T23:18:00.000-06:00

Last year my biggest wins were: Two one-year subscriptions to Netflix, and iPod Shuffle and an iPod Nano.

Check out what I won this year: a Sony PSP!

Um, I won a few other things this year as well but this has been the biggest.

I don't even know how this thing works, nor do I have any games for it but it seems cool.

I was rather disappointed to discover that I can't play Tetris on this thing. I could seriously play Tetris for hours!

Hopefully they sell cool games for this thing. Back in the day my sister had the original Nintendo & Gameboy and I had the Sega game system and the portable Sega. I still have that portable Sega but only have two games for it.

I'm so not a gamer - I could never defeat Koomba.
To this day I am in awe of people who are able to defeat Koomba!

WW: Yay, I lost!

2007-03-22T22:48:00.000-06:00

I have to admit, after last week's weigh-in I felt rather disappointed. It's been hard getting back into my previous routine and I've been watching what I've been eating and exercising so I was incredibly shocked when I gained last week.

Panic starts to set in and I start thinking "What if this is it, what if I never lose weight beyond this point. What if I keep gaining from here on out!."

Then I run over worst case scenarios and think of all the negative solutions I've used before like crash dieting, bulimia, etc...

Which I know are temporary solutions to a permanent problem so all last week I measured everything. I took account for everything I ate, every workout was logged in.

Sometimes I get so lazy about doing so but I really needed to see results.

It still wasn't enough for me so on Monday morning I was on the treadmill for two hours before weighing in. Scale said I lost 4.2 lbs.

Now, I know that some of that fluctuation is caused by the workout but I did it, I lost some weight this week!

My cycle which for the most part is very regular has been wonky lately and I'm very late this month. Last week I was seriously mad puffy and my hormones have been out of control but still - nothing!?!

Maybe stress? The past two weeks have been rather stressful because of the whole IRS thing.

After loads of phone calls and paperwork, I sent the IRS this bulky envelope defending what was submitted on my 2005 tax return. I just hope for a positive resolution to this entire matter as I was not at fault.

So far things are on the up and up this week and I've been sticking to the same routine.

Switchring

2007-03-13T23:10:00.001-06:00

Originally uploaded by Atreau.

Did anyone notice yesterday's DailyCandy?

I love me some Switchrings but have to mention that the customer service there is rather sub par.

Back in October I was itching for some new designs to glam up my digits and placed an order for two packages of popularity and one package of USA (which is no longer on the site - but totally reminded me of wonder woman so I had to have it.)

Anyhow, after my order was placed, Switchring contacted me to say there would be a delay in my order as they were having packaging problems and that they'd ship in out in about a week and include an extra for my trouble.

No biggie for me, being rather patient. So I wait, one week - then two. Nothing!

Contact them again and they told me that the delay was longer than expected but they have already been sent out to me.

Meanwhile I've received other packages from Canada (where Switchrings are from) and England. Still no switchrings!

Then, exactly one month after I had placed my original order a package by the postal fairy arrives with a sticker labeled Switchring.

Think I'm done?

Think again!

Open up the package and *sigh* notice that several of the outer bands of my switchring order and smashed and broken - unusable and unwearable!

*sobs* Contact switchring again and this time they sent a speedy replacement package with.....

wait for it....

open it up and *sigh part deux* again, smashed up outer bands!

At that point I didn't have the heart or patience to contact them again because it would totally seem like I one of those hard to please customers - which I'm totally not - but I could imagine them seeing me as one.

Even after all that heartache, I'm totally wanting to buy more! After all they have new collections like Solid Gold! The tiara in that collection looks very WW! I also love the Gotchies collection. And I need to have me some Bling!

WW: My body is rejecting my weight loss!

2007-03-13T22:31:00.001-06:00

Ugh, stupid blogger changed up on me and now I'm totally confused!

Anyhow, I meant to update this earlier but was a bad cold gave me a serious smack down. Now that I'm feeling better it's back to making myself a priority.

I had one full week of exercise - then slammed down by the cold for two and then one more week of daily exercise. I've not lost any weight and I showed a gain of three pounds this week which upset me at first but my cycle is due - so that could explain the weight gain. That or else my body is rejecting weight loss!

I have to keep on keeping on, hopefully I'll see some results this week!

SI: This is my most vulnerable week as it's right before my cycle. I've been trying to ward of the one big trigger that's been on my mind lately. Last week, the IRS sent me a letter saying I owed over $9000 for unpaid taxes based on my 2005 tax return.

This entire mess is based on the van I won back in 2005. As it's reported as additional income, you're supposed to pay taxes on that additional income. Well, I paid the taxes on the van (actually, my parents paid the taxes on the van because I gave it to my mom.)

But, what happened was that both the advertising agency (who ran the promotion) and the car makers Daimler Chrysler (who awarded the prize) both submitted the same information to the IRS - making it seem as though I received double the additional income (in the form of two vans). So, of course the IRS wants me to pay taxes on this phantom additional income as only one van was awarded and accepted.

I had to unearth all the paperwork I had from two years ago and contact both the ad agency and DaimlerCrysler. Both which blame each other for this fiasco.

I need to put together a response to IRS to explain that a mistake has been made and only one party should have submitted the tax information of additional income in my name. Ugh, by the end of this week - it should all be cleared on my end and hopefully I'll never have to deal with the IRS ever again (at least not in owing crazy amounts with penalties, late fees and crazy taxes that should never have been submitted in my name!)

Mom: Thank you all for your good thoughts and love during this entire obstacle with my mom. She's doing really great! She's back to work full time now and has been exercising 20 minutes a day on treadmill. There have been moments where she wants to venture off her low sodium diet but knows the consequences in doing so.

Her doctors visits have all been really positive and she's healing quite well. I never thought that she would recover so well, but she has and for that we are grateful.

WW: First one in '07!

2007-02-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

Freakin' Crap! I was writing for over an hour about everything that's gone on and it just disappeared. Stupid blogger! >:(

Anyhow, here's the gist of what's gone on.

The heart attack: When my mom went into the hospital with shortness of breath and they then looked into her being hypothyroid I thought that everything would be fine.

I mean I'd gone through issues with thyroid and my heart and I bounced back - so could she!

This is where her diabetes and thalassemia proved to be major problems. Well, they wanted to see what damage if any was done to the heart - two transfusions were needed because she was severely anemic due to the thalassemia.

As if the transfusions didn't freak me out enough - the word was that she was going to need a triple bypass surgery because she had a heart attack on December 1st 2006.

The surgery was scheduled for Friday (December 8th) and ended up being postponed until Monday (December 11th) which gave enough time for my sister to come down from Denver and my mom's sister to come out from San Diego that weekend.

That weekend we found out that the triple bypass was actually going to be a quadruple bypass.

My sister being there meant so much to me because I was able to break down for the first time since this entire ordeal started.

The day before the surgery I felt like a shield of peace over us - like everything was going to be okay. I was still overwhelmingly worried because my mom's heath was incredibly delicate and she was at a higher risk for complications. Before leaving that night we said what was needed to be said in case anything happened - that was the hardest.

The day of the surgery everyone was in good spirits and we arrived very early at the hospital as she was the first surgery. The waiting seemed so much longer than it was but once we got word that she was out of surgery and doing well were we able to breathe.

Again due to the thalassemia, my mom needed yet another transfusion while in ICU. Because of my severe hemophobia I did not see my mom while she was in ICU, my sister warned me that I wouldn't be able to handle it - she was so right about that!

In all honesty, I knew nothing about bypass surgery until this happened. If you were to ask me how clogged arteries and valves get "fixed," I would have imagined these giant pipe cleaners.

Anytime the circulatory system is mentioned - I tune out or else I'll pass out so I knew nothing about this! What they do is they cut veins from your legs and attach them to your heart. It sounds like an awful horror movie!

So, I thought I could handle seeing my mom in a hospital room post-ICU.

Ah, NO!

I walk in and there is blood all over the floor! Why?

Because they don't bandage the areas where the veins were taken from so there is a lot of blood drainage going on the first couple of weeks post-op.

Nobody warned me! I tried to keep my focus elsewhere but started freaking out and had to sit out in the lobby. From then on out I'd go to the hospital but spent the entire time in the lobby.

As if that wasn't bad enough, they called in a kidney specialist because her kidneys weren't functioning properly.

I had really thought that the surgery was going to be the hardest thing to deal with but the post-op recovery process is so much harder!

My mom was released from the hospital on Sunday (December 17th,) a little less than a week after surgery.

I thought they would release her in far better shape than she was in, her legs were quadruple their normal size and she was in so much pain. It was only recently that I expressed to her how badly she looked when she was released from the hospital and how I honestly didn't know how we'd all be able to get through this.

My sister was still in town as she wanted to be there when my mom was released from the hospital and there for my mom's birthday (December 19th.)

I honestly felt so worthless when it came to my mom's recover process, my sister is so much better in crisis situations than I am! There are two things that I am good at in life: random pop trivia and bargain shopping neither of which are helpful at a time like this.

As my mom was put on a strict low-fat, low-sodium diet I was put in charge of her diet since I've been cooking low-fat foods since joining Weight Watchers. I didn't think it would be too hard to implement a low-sodium diet until I started doing some research. She's limited to around 1,000 mg of sodium a day which sounds like that would be a lot but sodium is found in so many everyday healthy foods so it's been hard. I'm having to cook everything from scratch and it certainly doesn't taste the same as foods before but it isn't bad.

My mom was rather defiant at first but feeling and seeing the changes in her body by sticking to this new diet has really been all the motivation she needs.

For about three weeks post-op, my mom was incredibly depressed which is a normal reaction under such circumstances - you're overwhelmed by everything and that bout of depression fell under the worst possible time - her birthday and the holidays! That was such a hard period to go through. I would wake up and have to remind myself that this wasn't a nightmare.

The first couple of weeks, my dad and I would do tag team sleeping to watch over my mom and were lucky to get at least five hours of sleep a night.

My mom is a hardcore workaholic so all this downtime is really getting to her. If she didn't have all these other illnesses, she would probably have already been cleared to return to work but her cardiologist is looking at March 1st - which would be a whole three months after her heart attack.

She's currently insulin dependent - first time since being diagnosed with diabetes. Her kidneys are working at 45% which isn't bad considering the trauma her body has gone through. She's currently slightly anemic which is a huge change from the severe anemia while in the hospital. She's been cleared to exercise for 10 minutes a day on the treadmill - at a turtle's pace.

The swelling has gone down entirely in her legs and they are now at normal size! It's going to be a long recovery process but she really has come such a long way.

WW: My weight. Ah, the first week that my mom was in the hospital I wasn't able to eat much of anything and was on the treadmill a lot so I lost some weight that week. Once my sister came into town I started eating again - normal food - nothing too fattening so I wasn't doing too bad until my mom got home - then I started eating comfort food! Downward Spiral!

With everything going on there was no time to exercise and I could only hit the treadmill about once a week.

Went to the Dr. two weeks ago for my 3 month checkup and found out I gained 4lbs! My first ever gain since joining WW! *groans*

The only good news was that my levels are fine and I don't have to go back for six months!

Anyhow, back on WW and treadmill time and have since lost two pounds!

Because of my mom's heart attack I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in almost five years, since my Grandma passed away. This was the first time they'd seen me since I started to lose weight and I got a lot of compliments - that felt good!

Mind you these people didn't see me at my thinnest (Pre-Graves diagnosis when I was much thinner - of course I was also bald, had tremors, a goiter, was rather sweaty and had bug out eyes....HOT!)

Just kidding of course! This entire experience has really cemented my commitment to good health and wellness.

SI: I would love to say that I made it through this crisis without injuring myself but I didn't. I worked really hard not to injure myself and did everything to avoid it which worked for over two weeks and then the severity of the situation escalated and really got to me so I ended up injuring myself - three times in the span of two weeks.

If you see that from a self-injurer's perspective - that's not bad! To be able to get through a major crisis and falling just three times really isn't bad at all. Especially compared to how I used to be.

I know that it isn't good either - believe me I honestly felt I had exhausted all other options when I did relapse and regret doing so but you can't change the past - you can only focus on the future.

I do believe that there will be a time where I can get through a crisis (be it major or minor) and not relapse. This was not that time, but there will be a time.

Summary: This entire experience has really brought my family so much closer. I am so much closer to my mom than ever before which is saying a lot because our relationship is very much that of Lindo and Waverly from The Joy Luck Club.

This is the quote that gets to me because it's so spot on: "You don't know, you don't know the power you have over me. One word from you, one look, and I'm four years old again, crying myself to sleep, because nothing I do can ever, ever please you."

Don't get me wrong, she's still my EAM (Evil Asian Mama) but this has really brought us closer. I hope that in time certain wounds are given the opportunity to heal and we can move past - the past.

As my sister put it "She's a pain in the ass, but she's my pain in the ass!"

WW: Roller coaster ride of emotions.

2006-12-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted anything!

My sister came into town for Thanksgiving and I tried to limit my internet time while she was here. I veered off Weight Watchers while she was in town. It wasn't intentional as I really tried most days to eat well - but too much temptation lead me astray. I did however keep up with my exercise routine so the damage shouldn't be too bad.

I can't say how much damage is done as my cycle decided that this week would be the perfect time to arrive and I'm mad-puffy-bloated and my scale indicated a gain of five lbs. As to how much of that is just water retention - I'm really not sure.

Now I'm back on WW. While it was nice to eat "normal" foods for a while. I've found out that my taste for certain foods has changed. So, that's an upside!

Now onto pressing matters.

I've mentioned how I was tested for both diabetes and thalassemia a few months ago. Zeroing in on those two specifically as my mom has them both.

Well, her health has been on the serious decline this year and she had gone to her Doctor earlier last week for her normal checkup where her doctor pretty much shrugged off her symptoms and scheduled additional testing, he wasn't concerned so why should my mom - right?

Ah, not so fast!

This past Friday she was admitted into the hospital with a rapid heart beat and shortness of breath.

So, they've been running all sorts of test so far diagnosed her with having hypothyroidism. I've got Graves disease (hyperthyroidism) and had mentioned last week to my mom that maybe she needs to have her thyroid checked as she had a lot of those symptoms. But because of her diabetes and thalassemia - they were focusing on those instead.

We we all relieved to know that she wasn't suffering from complications of diabetes, especially kidney failure as that's what my maternal grandmother (who was also diabetic) died of.

Yesterday, she was told that he had a heart attack on Friday. Her hematologist mentioned that the diagnosis of a heart attack was premature as further testing needed to be done. She had a stress test scheduled yesterday which was cancelled. Then they scheduled another one which was set to be performed today which could only be done after she had a transfusion (because of the thalassemia).

She had the transfusion last night and this morning her cardiologist said that she did indeed have a heart attack so again the stress test was cancelled. They then scheduled a dye test to be done for her heart to assess the damage done - that too was canceled as they had an emergency.

That dye test has now been scheduled for her tomorrow.

So far, they've put her on Synthroid so that's a good sign. What worries me is her heart as they told her that any surgery done will be a complicated one becase of both her thalassemia and diabetes.

These past couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Being a self injurer that is usually the first place I turn in times of crisis but this time it's been different and I have not.

I've really tried to focus all this negative energy elsewhere and remain positive throughout this entire ordeal.

So, I'm asking everyone for extra good vibes, prayers, cheers, etc... for my mom and her doctors.

For the most part, the news has been and continues to be positive so we have to remain positive!

WW: Bigger Picture

2006-11-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

I know, I know! I'm lagging behind!

First thing's first - last week's weigh in showed that I had gained 3.2 lbs. I didn't freak out because my cycle had just started and I was ultra bloated. I literally had to roll out of bed and my fat/skinny jeans (which are quickly becoming my fat/fat jeans) were a bit snug. That's how bloated I was, Violet Beauregarde bloated!

I've had as much as a gain of 5 lbs during my cycle so I wasn't concerned with last week's gain as it's usually gone the following week.

Stepped on the scale this monday and my weight had only gone down one pound! *sobs* Certainly there is the possibility that it's just muscle as I've kept up my end of the bargain with the diet and exercise.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does! I had a good cry about it yesterday - this has really been a year full of frustration for me. Again because I spend far too much time focusing on the numbers and not the bigger picture.

I know that it's the journey that's been paved for me and I'm a better person because of it but there are times were I just want to quit!

Not that I would as I've got so much to gain by continuing on this path. But the feeling comes around every now and then - more this year than last.

That being said - I think it may be time to retire my fat/skinny jeans and buy a smaller pair. Just one pair so as not to get TOO comfortable in that size. I purposely haven't gone shopping for new clothes and in all honesty am unsure of what size I'm at currently - I mean, I have an approximation of the size I'm at but am not positive about it.

My sister's coming into town for Thanksgiving and I mentioned while she's here we'd look. I hate shopping for clothes - being a life long fatty, it's such a painful chore to shop for clothes. I have many memories of breaking down in fitting rooms because I was too big for anything cute.

*sobs* I may just chicken out and stick with my fat/skinny jeans - I'll just get a belt and over time I can hold them up with suspenders! That way I'll never have to shop for jeans again!

WW: Small Steps

2006-10-24T22:13:00.000-06:00

I stepped on the scale yesterday morning with no expectations whatsoever. For a while there I was getting a bit obsessed with the numbers on the scale and found myself constantly weighing myself - which could easily trigger me back to bulimic tendencies so I really tried to make it a point these past few weeks to only weigh myself once and not focus on the number.

My weight loss has been rather slow and inconsistent so the expectation wasn't high. Anyhow, I was very pleased to have discovered a loss of 1.4 lbs this week!

Yay! That made me feel really good.

I was talking to one of my best friends this past week and mentioned to her the results from all those test and she said "As you've been saying, this is your year! The start of something fabulous!"

It really is!

I saw the episode of Oprah today, "Suddenly Skinny" about these women who had an addiction to food, had gastric bypass surgery to lose the weight and then traded one addiction for another.

In the past I would often think that if I were thin, life would be perfect. Failing to recognize why I was fat - same with being a self-injurer. It's all a mask to cover up the real problem.

While I may complain about this process being so slow, In so many ways I'm also grateful that this process is slow. It allows me time to really focus on my negative behaviors.

I often worry that I'll never fully have these demons in control. Only time can tell what will happen. But I can't spend my entire life in the dark nor can I let these worries manifest.

I have to keep on keeping on!
Try and be the best "me" I can possibly be!

I haven't mentioned any updates regarding my struggles with SI. After the last time I decided not to keep track of the occurrence - just to really focus on the how and why. It's been while now - a long one - so, that's where I'm at there.

Each new day provides me with the opportunity to better my life with small steps.

Beyond the Pale: Flummery

2006-10-19T23:44:00.000-06:00

The creator describes it as:

The formal description is:
Flummery is an enticing blend of spiced honey; pure creamy vanilla; soft, musky cedar, sultry ginger and the calming, powdery note of benzoin. Serenely alluring, dangerously addictive, smells good enough to eat!

The term "flummery" comes originally from the old Welsh llymru, meaning a soft jelly made from oatmeal. It is still used to describe a number of soft, sweet puddings or custards and was also a common way to describe deceptively flattering language or humbug, very likely used to butter someone up for nefarious purposes...

I purchased this unsniffed mainly because I love honey something fierce and I melt when it comes to spices so I figured this would be perfect for me.

What it smells like: Well, not exactly honey - more like a spiced caramel. The ginger really takes a hold of this blend upon initial application. The cedar is light, hidden deep in the background and fades into this mixture.

I have very sensitive skin and try to avoid oil blends that contain cinnamon and/or nutmeg oils are those heavily irritate my skin. As in my skin turns bright lobster red and puffs up like the Marshmallow Man. Thankfully it's a temporary reaction.

Cinnamon oil in gums and toothpastes swells up my mouth and burns my throat. Dry cinnamon is a different matter and I have no problems with synthetic cinnamon.

Now ginger oil is a non-irritant unless used in high concentrations (as is nutmeg) so I'm unsure if my skin is also heavily irriated by ginger as upon initial application my skin becomes heavily irritated and puffy.

About half an hour after application I can detect some cinnamon which blends right into the ginger.

I really wish my skin didn't have such a dramatic reaction to this scent as it's perfect for winter. At first I described it as a Yankee candle type scent but it's since grown on me.

Flummery is the type of fragrance to wear on a cold dreary day when you stay in and wear your pajamas, snuggle under a bunch of blankets and watch movies.

Perhaps it's time to invest in a scent locket?

Flummery retails for £9.99/10 ml at Beyond the Pale.

HK Train Case

2006-10-19T22:20:00.000-06:00

Look what I found at Marshalls for only $9.99: a Hello Kitty train case! I actually found two and bought them both.

At first I wasn't going to buy it because those polka dot bow ties freaked me out. They're a bit Tucker Carlsonesque and he gives me the heebie jeebies.

You know there are newscasters which are totally hot: Anderson Cooper, Bill Hemmer, Charlie Gibson, etc....

And those that are totally not: TUCKER CARLSON!

So I wasn't going to buy them but the little zipper pulls tugged at my heartstrings. Check it:

I filled this one up with a random bunch of bottles.

Barneys Fall 2006 GWP

2006-10-19T21:58:00.000-06:00

This go around the Barneys gift with purchase "GWP" event was raised to a $175 purchase. I had planned to order more Regina Harris as that scent is truly divine in cold weather and had been meaning to order a bottle of Barneys own Route du Thé . Rounded off the purchase with a bottle of Comme des Garcons Carnation to qualify for free shipping.

I think previous bags were better than this one, specifically Fall 2005 and Spring 2006. Plus, the limit to qualify for those bags was $25 less than this event.

I'm happy with my purchase as these are items that are rarely if ever discounted but am slightly disappointed to see the quality of the bags to have gone down. Each season they would tend to get better and I think they missed the boat this season.

Think this will discourage me from ordering in the spring?

Hardly, there is always something I "need!"

WW: Come what may.

2006-10-19T21:32:00.000-06:00

Weighed in on Monday and saw no change in my weight which was only slightly discouraging. My weight may not have changed but I've noticed that my body is changing slightly - like I'm starting to get more toned in certain areas.

Went to the Dr. to find out the results of my tests and found out *drum roll please*........I'm 100% healthy!

Everything is fine - sugar levels are normal, kidney and liver functions are fine, I exhibit no signs of anemia. Everything is fine!

My symptoms may have been a result from stress and/or my not getting enough iron/ protein.

My Dr. just suggested that I include a multi-vitamin a day and continue to diet and exercise. I have to go back in three months for my regular checkup.

Can I brag a little and say that I'm rather proud of myself for insisting on all these tests, especially the one for diabetes. This entire process has been incredibly terrifying and I am so relieved to get a clean bill of health. The old me would never have even admitted that there was a problem so I have really come a long way from there.

Believe me, I'm going to do everything in my power to prevent any illness. Week to week I tend to get so frustrated when my weight doesn't change but I haven't been looking at how much it has benefited my health in the long run.

So far this week three different people have commented my weight loss, that gave me a little boost!

I really need to give myself a break at times and let everything come what may - it may take forever but it will happen!

Puff Pouches!

2006-10-11T21:05:00.000-06:00

I fell in love with these little pouches from Uplifting Arts and thought they were just the perfect size to carry around decants in my purse so I ordered the blue bunny puff pouch and polka dot puff pouch.

Even though they're small they're quite handy and they're lined for extra scent protection! And get this, they're only $5.99 each!

Those are 1/2 oz bottles in front of the polka dot pouch, it could fit about five or six of them but I only had three bottles handy. Nana Pink, Nana Bronze and Fifi for those interested. The bottle in front of the blue one is Par Amour Toujours.

Here are the pouches with the bottles in place. At the last second I tossed in a 1/3 oz. decant of Un Lys in addition to the other 1/2 oz. bottles.

WW: I hate labwork!

2006-10-10T19:17:00.000-06:00

So, after last week's weigh-in my oldest friend called me because she happened to be in town.

I last saw her a year ago and at the time tried to convince her to join Weight Watchers as it had proven to be successful in my weight loss. She was never heavy but has maintained the weight gain from her two pregnancies. She's mentioned that her eating habits aren't a problem, that her problem was a lack of exercise. While I continued with my WW/Treadmill routine, she joined Curves.

She had mentioned on the phone a few times that she hadn't lost any weight from Curves, only inches. Still, sometimes it's hard to gage weight loss.

Anyhow, when she saw me she said "Wow, you look different."

Ah, this year has been a rather hard one in so many ways. I've been SO frustrated with how slow my weight loss has been. I'll be quite honest, there are times where I'm more concerned with the numbers than how nourished my body feels.

And I know I've said it before but I really need to be more gratefull at how far I've come. The process has to be a gradual one in order for the weight loss to remain permanent.

As my WW mentor has mentioned to me on many occasions: "You didn't pack it in overnight, so it's not going to come off overnight!"

Ok, so going back to my story. My friend had mentioned that food isn't her problem but then she started talking about all the fattening and fast food she had been eating lately.

To which I said "I don't eat any fast food anymore. Instead of the regular stuff, I eat turkey bacon, turkey pepperoni and use ground turkey over beef. I eat egg whites, use fat free cheese and have sugar free ice cream in the freezer. I am very committed to my health now."

And she responded with "Oh, I'm committed! I'm just not THAT committed."

Let me add I so did not say this in my "normal" bitchy tone - and I never try to sound preachy. Because - please, there is a reason why I am on Weight Watchers!

Maybe it's me but the food substitutions aren't that much of a sacrifice. Oh sure, when I started that wasn't exactly the case. I remember crying on more than one occasion because I had used up all my daily points and was still hungry. And if I wanted to, I could still totally eat the regular stuff but then I'd have to eat a lot less of everything else.

Anyhow, talking about my health is what totally stayed with me after the visit. This entire journey isn't just about weight loss, it's about my health and being the healthiest I can be - inside and out.

Got on the scale yesterday and discovered a loss of 0.6 lbs which isn't a lot but it's more than I've lost in the past three weeks combined, so it's a start!

Fast forward to today - my labwork appt. was bumped up to this morning to test for Thalessemia. Mind you I'm am massively hemophobic but have handled labwork fairly well in these three post-Graves years that I've had to go in on a regular basis. God, I HATE labwork!

I spent last night on the treadmill, took a shower and got ready for bed. I had trouble falling asleep and stayed up late. I try to make it a point to exercise before I go in for labwork to ease any tension but because I didn't get enough sleep the night before, I skipped the treadmill this morning. Took a shower and got dressed, made sure not to apply any fragrance and I was ready to get it over with.

Got to the Dr.'s office and had to wait a while and I was fine in the waiting room - nervous as usual but all around fine.

They called me in and I talked to the phlebotomist a bit and started with my deep breathing and concentration while she started the process.

The last thing I remembered was her saying "Gosh, you don't want to give me any blood today."

Then I feel myself being drained - slowly being drained. I felt like it was all a dream and I was being lulled back to sleep.

The next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and the phlebotomist and two assistants hovering over me and seeing the three of them around me I started to think of the three witches from Macbeth - very random.

I didn't understand what was going on and they were trying to get me to drink water and breathe. I couldn't understand why my entire body was stiff and according to them I lost all color because I passed out!

They had me drink more water and wanted me to lay down for a while but I just wanted to get out of there. I was relieved to find out that blood sample had already been taken before I passed out.

They asked if I was diabetic (I'm not - YAY!) and offered cake to improve my condition but I refused a piece - which is SO unlike me.

*sobs* I HATE Labwork!

I have an appt. next Monday where I find out the results of the tests and *fingers crossed* there will be no fainting involved.

WW: Slowly living.

2006-10-02T10:40:00.000-06:00

I've been so out of it lately but here is where I'm at:

Two weeks ago I went to the Dr. for my regular thyroid checkup and diabetes testing. While I was optimistic, part of me was terrified for a positive diagnosis on the diabetes. I walked in half expecting the worst, as the nurse is checking my weight and pressure she mentions "You're not diabetic!"

I clutched my heart and said "Oh, thank God!"

I then asked if my levels were off as that would explain why I haven't been feeling good and she said that they were fine.

Then I went into the examination room where I waited for the Dr. I sat there with a stupid Cheshire cat grin across my face for a while and slowly started panicking.

I was thinking to myself: "What if I imagined the entire thing or what if I created in my head that she said that I wasn't diabetic and I really was!"

Ten minutes later the Dr. walks in and goes over my info and again verifies that I'm not diabetic. Again, waves of relief flowed through my body. I wasn't imagining this!

"In your face Diabetes! You can't get me - BASTARD!"

Then he goes over my levels which he verified are normal.

I started thinking: "Negative on diabetes, and levels are fine. Then what's wrong with me?!?!" *shakes fist*

I went over how I've been feeling, especially the past couple of weeks and mentioned the family history of Thalassemia.

Both my mom & sister who have it have in previous tests been marked as anemic.

To the best of my knowledge I've never been marked as anemic but in the past they had a hint of what was wrong with me so they tested specifically for those illnesses.

My Dr. went over my previous testing and couldn't find anything that would rule out Thalassemia so he wants me to come back in two weeks for testing.

Both my mom and sister have to take iron suppliments which is the most minor treatment for Thalassemia. In the past my mom's had to go in for iron shots which is treatment when you're slightly worse off. Severe Thalassemia patients have to go in for blood transfusions.

At this point, I'm not too worried about it as there is no way I can be as badly off as my mom - that is if I do test positive for Thalassemia.

The diagnosis of Diabetes in my opinion is far worse than Thalassemia so I feel ions better to know that I'm not diabetic.

I am strongly committed to my health and am going to everything to prevent diabetes and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

I've been relatively frustrated this year as I haven't lost as much weight as the year before. Sure the weight loss has been steady but it's been SO SLOW which really tests my motivation. But I'm really proud of how far I've come with this whole lifestyle change.

Last week I found a picture of myself from 2001. This whole time I thought I wasn't that big Pre-Graves. I mean I knew that I was big but I didn't know I was THAT BIG.

My memory is pretty shady Pre-Graves - thyroid affects memory and there are chunks of my Pre-Graves life that I really don't remember.

Years ago one of my best friends was struggling with her alcoholism but was deeply in denial about it.

There were numerous times where we tried to talk to her about it but she was in such denial that she wouldn't listen. Another friend suggested that we videotape her when she's at her worst - when she's passed out drunk to show her how she gets when she's drunk. (We never did this but she did get treatment for it later.)

Well, this photo was me at my worst. I suspect I may have weighed more than what I did when I joined Weight Watchers. Seriously what the hell was I thinking when this photo was taken? How could I have just let myself go?

I ran to the mirror to compare myself to that photo and didn't recognize the person in the photo as myself as I've changed so much. Not just physically but mentally - I am so very different now.

Yes, I not where I want to be - not even close! But I'm a hell of a lot farther than I was when that picture as taken.

The person in that photo was slowly dying and now I'm slowly living.

A lot of people have asked me if I've taken pictures of my progress. No, I haven't. I semi-regret this decision as there are times I could use a boost but I suspect it would hinder more than help my progress.

Anyhow, I tore up that photo from 2001. That was me at my worst, that was my "alcoholic tape." I will never get to that place again - NEVER!

So, where am I at?

Well, I am at the exact same weight that I was three weeks ago. I'm going through some plateau phase which will pass obviously. My cycle finally arrived - three weeks late. Other than not feeling too good, I'm not doing too bad.

I've included a few low fat, iron rich foods these past two weeks in my diet and am trying to incorporate 1/2 tsp of cinnamon a day. From what I read, cinnamon helps in the prevention of diabetes as it lowers blood sugar. I mix it into my oatmeal as oatmeal is rich in iron.

I honestly think that the best is still to come - slowly of course - but I'll get there.

WW: Off!

2006-09-11T21:16:00.000-06:00

I seriously believe that my levels are off as I haven't been feeling well at all. I've been having trouble sleeping which isn't unusual but even with sleeping pills I'm having trouble falling and staying asleep.

This past week was really bad as my heart rate has been elevated and I've been tired all the time. I feel so drained that it's been a struggle to get through all the workouts this week, I have to break them up during the day to get enough time in.

Several other pre-Graves symptoms have returned but a lot of them mirror those of diabetes.

Oh and my cycle still hasn't started! That's the only Pre-Graves symptom I miss - well that and the rapid weight loss. I'm so bad, I know!

Since starting Weight Watchers my Synthroid levels have had to be adjusted almost every time I've gone for a checkup. Normally I'll feel slightly off but it's never been this bad. Next week can't come soon enough to pinpoint if it's just my thyroid or diabetes.

Anyhow, as bad as this week has been I've been really good about sticking to my routine which has paid off as I lost 1.8 lbs this week. Brava! I felt so sick this morning that I really wasn't up for celebrating.

This morning I was seriously craving comfort food and had it set in my mind that I would kill for some pancakes and would have made them too if I felt better. Thankfully there were some whole wheat Eggo waffles in the freezer so I ate those with a side of turkey bacon. I usually have egg white omelets for breakfast so it was a welcome change to have something different, they're only 2 WW points each so it didn't cause much damage and I balanced it out eating light the rest of the day.

Not a bad way to start this week off! Hopefully this week isn't too rough because I feel rather toxic but I'm going to try my best - that's all I can do for now!

WW: Down with diabetes!

2006-09-05T12:18:00.000-06:00

Stupidassbloggerfromhell! I typed a lovely update earlier, pressed publish and nothing happened! Freakin' crap!

Anyhow, spent last night on the treadmill, took a shower and went to bed. Had a restless night and woke up early, hit the treadmill again, took a shower and got ready to have my blood drawn. Regular checkup for Graves and testing for *dramatic music* Diabetes.

My Dr. is going out of town so I won't know the results until the 18th! *groans*

I'm worried but am in good spirits overall. I mean what more can I do at this point, I eat healthy and exercise so there won't be too much of a change there, it's the twice daily testing that's got me terrified. Funny how this entire journey has been to face my fears and I'd be having to face my biggest fear every day, twice a day. Ugh!

I exercised six out of the seven days last week which I'm really proud of! I skipped the seventh day as my allergies were killing me and I had major regrets the day after. I've continued with strength training and have been using weights and I'm slowly starting to see results from it.

I ate very well this past week, had wild salmon twice - not bad for a girl who hates fish! I've been sticking to fresh fruits and vegetables as they're still in season. Made a broccoli soup with purred steamed broccoli, water, a bit of salsa and spices. It was very good! I plan on eating mainly low fat soups and stews once the weather cools down, very natural and wholesome.

So, how did I do this week? Well, I lost .8 lbs which disappointed me slightly. At least my weight loss has been consistent and it'll add up in the end but still.

My cycle which was to have started already hasn't which I'm hoping is just a sign that my levels are off. Score one for Graves!

I've noticed a change in myself that I've become more and more serious with this entire goal, especially as far as exercise is concerned.

I noticed recently that my sneakers were looking a bit shabby. I bought these sneakers about a decade ago during the Tae Bo craze, bought those and the tapes. Probably did about three session and gave up - sorry Billy Blanks. So these sneakers were unused until I started WW.

When I started WW, my feet were so fat that the first couple of times I couldn't wear socks and could hardly tie them. That's just plain sad! Naturally as I've lost weight, my feet have slimmed down but I was afraid that they were still too wide to fit into normal sized sneakers. And really is there anything normal about a size 11 foot?

I heard that Amazon had this massive shoe sale along with an automatic $20 off any $80 shoe purchase so I decided to check it out and ordered these sneakers as they had good reviews on them over at Zappos.:

The pair I'm currently using these are on sale for $54.99 on the Naturalizer website.

Bought these in red

Though these were ugly but they're very comfortable!

I didn't even know that Naturalizer sold sneakers! I was sure that these wouldn't fit me or that I'd have to spend weeks breaking them in but they fit perfectly! I didn't even have to break them in, they're perfect. In fact the ones I'm currently using are even a bit roomy!

Proof that I'm dedicated and committed to this journey! With that I'd like to plead my case to the Gods and Goddesses of the universe that I'm all about health so you can't stick me with diabetes now! That's just not fair!

And one last thing, what's up with Pluto not being a planet? You can't give something a title and take it away, that's just mean! Pluto is like the Vanessa Willams of the solar system.

Down with diabetes! Pluto's a planet!

WW: Bananas

2006-08-29T23:44:00.000-06:00

This past week was rough, maybe it's because my patience is wearing thin or PMS or possibly a combination of the two but it was very rough.

There was a lot of temptation to eat unhealthy, especially this past weekend but I stuck to my plan as I was really hoping to see positive results and it worked!

I lost two pounds this week, exactly two pounds! Right before I stepped on the scale I told myself to be satisfied with one down if it was at least one but seeing the scale read two down was exactly what I needed.

I've really been watching what I eat and only allowed myself one meal to let myself go - sometimes I don't exactly watch how much I'm eating, especially on weekends. I changed up my exercise routine and have added strength training to my workout - building on it slowly and am incredibly sore but it helped me out this week and kept my energy up!

Next week I have to go in for bloodwork and a checkup, something I'm not looking forward to at all. I also have to schedule an appointment to have my eyes checked. Graves Disease really fucks up the eyes and since being diagnosed I hadn't had too many problems other than them being constantly dry but two months ago I noticed that my vision is getting really bad and at times blurry which could be in cause by Graves but blurry vision is also a symptom of diabetes.

Diabetes is like my kryptonite, I can't deal with that shit. It runs on my maternal side with my Grandmother and Mom being diagnosed with it, granted they were much older than I am now. After being diagnosed with Graves all tests came back negative for diabetes then but I think it would be a good idea to be tested again just to make sure. I talked to my sister about my worries and when I told her that I really couldn't handle being diagnosed as diabetic she told me "Why not? You eat healthy and exercise!"

Which is a good point but ugh, what a shitty disease that not only wreaks havoc on your body but you have to test your blood twice a day. That's something I just don't think I could handle, I'm severely hemophobic. Seriously,deathly afraid of blood, even the word freaks me out. Honestly, I would get so sick learning about the circulatory system in school. The only reason that I've never been able to cross over into being a cutter is because of my fear of blood.

I have never been able to donate blood because my fear is so extreme. When I was a senior in high school my English teacher offered an automatic "A" on any test to anyone who donated blood. I was the only one in my class who didn't donate. Guilt consumes me constantly and I hope I am never in a position where I would need donated blood as I don't think I'll ever get over this fear.

At this point I'm thinking the worst and won't know until I'm tested. At least I'm being pro-active about it and have admitted to the fact that I need to be tested. If it comes back positive I deal with it which I honestly don't think I can, if not, I do everything to prevent it.

Seriously, this shit is bananas!

Pretty ugly fingerless gloves

2006-08-23T14:51:00.000-06:00

I have always hated the look of fingerless gloves, they look so abnormal and out of place and I honestly never thought I'd own a pair.

Until the reality of the colder weather approaching got me thinking as not only does my eczema flare up during cold weather but my hands turn into ice. It is so hard to type wearing gloves so I had been searching for a cute pair of fingerless gloves and found these fingerless gloves.

They are adorable and if you have to look ugly, you should at least look pretty ugly!

What attracted me to them was not only the design but that they were made of such soft wool. Good quality wool isn't itchy and I shouldn't have any problems once my eczema is at its worse as anything rubbing against cracked skin is incredibly painful.

I love them so much that I've placed a custom order for another pair.

These pretty ugly fingerless gloves were $8.50 and purchased through loveyourbagdesigns.etsy.com.

Beyond The Pale: Doxy

2006-08-22T21:04:00.000-06:00

DOXY is described as a darkly fruity blend of blackberry, spice & all things VICE...

Juicy blackberries burst with warm hints of ginger, a sprinkle of cinnamon and musky vanilla. The freshness of bergamot whispers of more innocent times, but the richly aromatic, intensely carnal note of vetiver has its wicked way at last...

The etymology of Doxy: DOXY is a slang term that underwent a transformation from meaning 'doll' and 'little bundle', to 'wench' or 'sweetheart' - a term of endearment from a lover; to 'loose, licentious woman' or 'prostitute'. Typical! You must decide which of the definitions best suits you, my doxies. ;-)

Beyond the Pale's perfumes are hand-blended using pure, natural ingredients wherever possible, and the recipes are uniquely based on historic perfumes found in old Victorian journals and passed down through the generations.

I first mentioned Beyond the Pale back in June when I reviewed Mollisher's Mark. Several few weeks ago they had a pre-sale opportunity for full sized bottles so I put my order in for two bottles of Mollisher's Mark and also ordered Doxy and Flummery unsniffed.

I just adore spicy fragrances and Doxy sounded right up my alley as it combines spices and blackberries and I was hoping that it would be more of those notes and less of the others.

What does it actually smell like? Well, to be honest when I first applied it I hated it, it put me in a foul mood. I can't pinpoint what it is that I don't like about the initial application as I get a hint of plastic doll and cough syrup mixed together. That scent doesn't last long thankfully.

I really wanted this fragrance to have depth and found that it hits that peak an hour after application. The blackberry is the strongest of the notes, more of a deep berry scent than a fresh one. The spices are subtle and more evident up close to the skin. I would have liked the spices a bit stronger but don't feel that it's totally lacking in that category either. The sweetness of the scent is impacted by the vanilla but it isn't overly sweet.

The bergamot gets stronger as the blackberry slowly dissipates. Bergamot is one of those notes that I don't mind in small quantities, in theory I would have liked less of it in here but it really adds more depth to the fragrance.

The vetiver makes it's strongest appearance several hours after the initial application. By then, the other notes are mere hints. I had hoped that this would be more of a cold weather fragrance but the vetiver really makes it more suited to warmer weather.

The staying power of Doxy is very good as I could smell it on my skin the following morning and the scent is still evident on a blanket I used days ago.

I'm mixed on if I'd re-purchase this as I really love the scent when the berries and spices are at their height but find the rest of the fragrance a bit lacking.

Doxy retails for £9.99 and is available through Beyond The Pale.

Dessert Deliciously Kissable Fragrance: Juicy

2006-08-21T21:11:00.000-06:00

I originally tested Jessica Simpson's Dessert Beauty line when it was released two years ago. I felt that the products were ridiculous overpriced but made a note that the Juicy line was my favorite of the original three scents offered.

I won't front you now, I'll admit it. I recently bought a Jessica Simpson fragrance! Yeah, I bought Juicy!

I blame this on Kate Beckensale mind you as I read in In Style I believe that she keeps it on her nightstand - well, she was referring to a different scent but still it's from the same line. I put all the blame on her!

Do I lose some street cred now? Wait, it gets worse!

Described as: Dessert is unlike any scent experience you've had before. It's sensual, seductive and it smells provocatively delicious - fresh and juicy-sweet ... with sun-ripened strawberries and succulent raspberries refreshed by a subtle bouquet of crisp green. Dessert's mission is to make you completely kissable and impossible to resist. So spray it on, and invite someone you really like to move in close.

Okay now I have a confession to make. I consider myself a pretty smart person but am known to have an occasional lapse in judgment, what could easily be described as a "Jessica Simpson moment."

I had just spent an hour on the treadmill when I started thinking about what fragrance to wear post-workout shower. I settle on the recently purchased Juicy and after the shower I'm almost gitty with excitement.

I spray it on and it hurts, it physically hurts me! I don't know what type of juice is bottled in this thing but this feels like a minor attack with a Super Soaker.

I get over it and am now covered in a sweet berry scent, it actually smells like a mixture of Strawberry and Raspberry Kool-Aid, strawberry being the stronger of the two.

So, I'm in my pajamas watching movies and feel rather sticky, granted it's been fairly humid down here so feeling sticky isn't unusual but given the fact that I've just taken a shower I shouldn't feel sticky at all.

Shrug it off and watch movies until I start getting tired. Decide to get ready for bed and do my nightly ritual of brushing my teeth and washing my face, neck and decloté .

Right as I'm about to get under the sheets I spray a little bit of Juicy onto my arms and decloté to lull me to sleep and five seconds later I feel sticky all over again.

Now, I knew that the rest of the Dessert line - the powder, cream, etc..were lickablele but had no idea that the fragrance would be as well.

Seriously, no idea! I mean I should have had some clue when I read "Kissable Fragrance" but it still didn't sink in and I seriously thought there was no way that the fragrance was lickable as well.

So, I snapped, licked my arm to verify that it was indeed the case and sure enough *bam* I get it!

Lesson learned with such a small price to pay as Juicy was only $7.99 /1.7 oz at Marshalls.

WW: Pride?

2006-08-21T20:20:00.000-06:00

I've been 30 for a month now and things seem to be on the up so far, although I wouldn't mind my body going into turbo speed around now.

I've been having trouble sleeping lately and took a sleeping pill last night - the first one in a long time. Why is I that I always have the strangest dreams when I take sleeping pills? Anyhow, I was able to get a good night's sleep for once and woke up with a ton of energy!

Enough energy to drag my ass to the scale where it showed I lost a whopping 0.8 lbs! The way I've been eating and exercising I should have seen more improvement this week! Well, better to have lost than gained.

This was the message I got when I logged in my weight: If you're feeling a little neutral about your weight-loss result, here's a little fact to make you smile: The rate you`re losing weight at is considered to be very safe and healthy. So you're seeing success! You're doing the right thing.

Remember this anonymous saying this week: "Feel pride in how far you've come and confidence in where you're going."

Bah, I'd have more pride if the numbers on the scale would drop sooner!

Last year I relied heavily on Lean Cuisine meals for lunch and dinner as they are a much easier way to count points than to cook yourself but seeing as how I have less points to work with, I am learning how to overhaul what I eat and stick to healthier, natural cooking options. I've been sticking to mainly fresh produce with beans & legumes, low fat cheeses, egg whites and the occasional poultry and/or shrimp for added protein.

I've been trying to stick with the philosophy of eating within the season which has so far been rather successful but am really craving harvest foods and can't wait for the weather to change.

While I'm doing everything right with my eating habits - save for the occasional splurge, I'd like to see a more radical change so I'm going to try and change up my exercise routine a bit.

SI: Um, this I've not had much success with. I really don't know as I sometimes think that the desire to stop isn't as strong and the ability to do so. What gets me the most is that it's not as though I have a chemical imbalance, it's all behavioral.

Where to go from that is sometimes beyond me as it seems so easy to just stop in theory but the reality of it is that there is so much there and for years I've made myself numb through physical pain. I've sai it before as it's a temporary fix to a permanent problem that isn't going away and is something I do have to face but I just don't think I can face it now.

I want so much to be free of it but at what price as when I try to tackle both addictions at once, I don't think I get very far with either one.

One day I'll have it all sorted out, just not today. Until then I can only do my best and hope it all works out in the end.

And on that note, here's my gorgeous WW ring! ♥ ♥ ♥(((T)))♥ ♥ ♥!!!

Clarins par Amour toujours

2006-08-15T22:08:00.000-06:00

Clarins par Amour toujours

While my sister was in town we hit Marshalls and I found the last bottle of Clarins par Amour toujours. I honestly try not to buy fragrances unsniffed but I couldn't pass this one up as I remembered that rose and pink peppercorn were two notes in this scent.

What are the other notes?

According to Clarins.com:

Pink Rosebud: green and fresh, adds a touch of liveliness and spontaneity with femininity.

Pink Peppercorn and Black Currants: deliver a burst of spicy freshness.

Pink Grapefruit and Raspberry: sweet and fresh, sparkles with effervescence.

It is described as: A vibrant, floral-fruity fragrance that’s as sparkling and tender as childhood itself.

par Amour Toujours, a fragrance for all daughters, is vibrant, floral and fruity. It captures the love women have for life and their desire to pass this love to their daughters. Experience this happy, spontaneous fragrance like childhood laughter.

When I first spray it I can easily detect the grapefruit - now, I hate grapefruit - in fragrance and as a fruit. I hate it, it's an instant sensory memory for me.

As a kid I remember my Dad eating grapefruit a lot so I remember smelling it a lot. I was one of those kids who had chronic ear infections and when I was around four, my Doctor suggested that I had tubes placed in my ears. I remember being on the operating table and they told me to count to ten for the anesthesia to kick in and I remember it smelling like grapefruit.

I remember trying to fight it and not fall asleep, the next thing I remembered was waking up in a crib. That I was awfully upset about as I was a "big girl, not a baby!"

To sum it up, grapefruit is one of those notes I try to avoid in fragrances as it smells rather gaggity and makes me feel all out gross.

Thankfully, it starts with only the burst of grapefruit but that is soon melted into the other notes. The rose is a very fresh, light rose - rather muted. I would have liked a bolder rose but this does fine as the fragrance is very light.

I always welcome fragrances with berries and currants and am often drawn to fragrances that host those notes. The currant is bolder than the raspberries. I too would have loved for these notes to have been a bit bolder but in keeping with the inspiration for the fragrance.

The staying power of the fragrance is good, given that it's light it's one of those scents that doesn't have a lot of sillage but up close to the skin it's very evident and quite lovely.

Hours after application I can only detect grapefruit and musk - not necessarily a scent that appeals to me. I really like the rest of the scent and enjoy it much more when it's applied on skin that isn't touched my fabric as fabric retains the scent much longer than skin.

Clarins par Amour toujours retails for $40/1.7 oz. or $30/1 oz. at Gloss.com.

WW: Freaky!

2006-08-15T21:05:00.000-06:00

Man, it's been a while since I've done an update on here. Why?

My sister came into town, she needed a major cleansing to her spirit after her friend Monet was murdered so she came out here for over a week. I hadn't seen my sister in over a year and had really hoped to be farther ahead in my progress when she saw me next. I don't know, at times I have unrealisitic goals for my progress, I understand that change doesn't happen overnight but it won't stop me from wishing for it. Anyhow, It was a rather nice visit for the most part but our plans were soaked as it didn't stop raining the entire time she was here. The city was flooded on more than one day and we had to declare a state of emergency.

So, how have I done this whole time?

Well,...

on the 7/31 weigh-in I lost 0.6 lbs. That was a bummer of a weigh-in as I had really busted my ass that entire week - I ate really healthy that week and really stuck to my exercise routine. I made sure to really stick to the program this week as I knew when my sister arrived, I'd probably give into temptation on more than one occasion and I wanted to cushion any possible weight gain for the following week.

on the 8/07 weigh-in I had gained 3.4 lbs!!! Wait a second, in my defense I happened to have just started my cycle when I weighed in and am always heavier the week of my cycle due to water retention. I do have to admit that I didn't exactly stick to the WW program this week but I didn't go overboard either. I certainly could have made better decisions on my eating habits but don't really regret eating those "bad" foods. The one good thing was that I stuck to my exercise routine the entire time my sister visited, minus two days. Not bad at all!

and on the 8/14 weigh-in I lost 3.4 lbs! FREAKY! So, it's like the slate is clear and nothing happened! I ate really good this past week and have stuck to my exercise routine so I was very happy to see the numbers change on the scale.

While change is slow, I've noticed that I'm getting better at choosing healthier foods to eat and making exercise a priority in my day. That makes me happy because there are times where I felt like at any moment I could totally snap and eat a dozen cupcakes at once. While I can't keep a dozen cupcakes in the house, I can go to a bakery and order just one...on a rare occasion.

In a way it sucks that I have such an unhealthy relationship with food but at the same time I'm building a different relationship with food - one that nourishes me, sustains me.

Little by little I'm finding a better me buried underneath all this crap.

Carrot Box Order

2006-07-28T12:56:00.000-06:00

I set aside a little amount each month for little splurges so that I don't feel guilty when buying something that's more of a want than a need.

Anytime The Carrot Box is updated I check it out but if nothing calls to me, I don't order. It's been a long time since I placed an order but there really wasn't anything I needed.

Anyhow, I was feeling a bit down after Monday's weigh-in and decided to see what rings were new to the shop and boy am I glad I did!

I had been wanting a Kimono Ring for a while now but didn't really find a style that I liked...until now!

This one reminds me of L'Artisan's Extrait de Songe - the bottle, the fragrance - everything. I really wanted this ring so I ordered it right away!

The flower in this design looks rather coquettish, there are more flowers which are grouped closely together on the side of the ring but the lone flower isn't part of their crowd.

I was wearing green the other day and realized that I didn't have very many green rings. While I'm often reminded that I have too many rings of this style, I just adore the look and feel of them. I could never have enough of these rings.

This one was only $5 and is from the Glassfiction line. All of the white rings in my collection are from the Glassfiction line with the exception of the Switchrings.

I thought these were adorable upon first glance and was drawn more toward the green than the clear but decided not to purchase them so I placed my order.

A few minutes later, regret set in and I placed a second order just for these rings. The only reason I ordered the clear was because I didn't want the green to be lonely. I'm glad I did because it's much lovelier in person.

Since the shanks of these floral rings are black, I've noticed the lack of black I have in my collection.

I also noticed that Switchrings have new styles up on their site including this USA inspired ring that has a bit of Wonder Woman vibe to it.

Speaking of WW rings, I've yet to find my camera but as soon as I do - there will be a picture up.

Danielle Mavael Jewelry

2006-07-25T16:09:00.000-06:00

Fake Diamond Ring $90

I've had my eye on the jewelry created by Danielle Mavael for a while now, especially the rings shown above.

I was also draw to her Happiness Series which consists of fun images that have been deeply etched into thin sheets of silver which are then shaped into charms. I had wanted to place an order but couldn't decide which image was my favorite.

As a kid I loved buying this out of gumball machines and that's what the Happiness Series reminds me of.

Gumball machine chic!

I got really lucky when Danielle decided to sell the imperfect charms or as she called them booboos at huge markdown prices.

Booboos $4 each

I bought the cupcake charm shown above and a few others including: a strawberry, a chair, a diamond, a bird and a turtle! Turtles in a half shell, turtle power!

These are even better in person and I bought them at such a bargain price!

More of her creations can be seen on her website, Danielle Maveal Jewelry or through Danielle Maveal on Etsy.

Two cents earrings

2006-07-25T16:06:00.001-06:00

Two cents earrings $4.50

I think that Rachel Sudlow's jewelry has a rather Sundancesque feel to it. She's got some really beautiful pieces on her site, I'm especially drawn to her earrings.

Still, nothing called to me until I saw the earrings shown above. I LOVED them!

Pennies pretty much suck as far as currency is involved but you know those pressed penny machines? I'm obsessed with them! I have a small collection of pressed pennies from vacations I've taken in the past.

These are seriously the most awesome earrings ever and honestly, who doesn't like to put their two cents in on any topic imaginable?

Just when I thought that the awesomeness ended there, she's also sold earrings made from nickels and dimes!

Where can you find all this awesomeness?

Go to:
Sudlow's Etsy Shop - Organic Jewelry Fresh from the Workshop

Sweet T Original rose tote

2006-07-25T16:06:00.000-06:00

I have a lot of pins and buttons and have been searching for a bag that I could attach all those pins and buttons on to.

While searching for bags on Etsy, I stumbled across Sweet T Original. She had this rose tote on sale and it was exactly what I was looking for.

All this fabulousness for only $10!

I'm not the only one who thinks this line is fabulous, Sweet T Original has even hit the international style circuit as their Mon Cheri III bag has been featured in German Glamour!

Check it out: Mon Cheri III in German Glamour.

This bag is so fabulous that I don't want to ruin it with a bunch of pins and buttons as it would destroy the stylish, simplistic look of the bag! *sobs* Back to searching once again!

Sweet T Original bags can be found on their main site: Sweet T Original or through Sweet T Original on Etsy.

WW: First weigh-in of my 30's

2006-07-25T15:30:00.000-06:00

Stepped on the scale yesterday morning and was rather shocked when it showed I had gained 2.4 lbs. Whoa!

I worked out all week and ate well - stuck to my points for the most part. The exception came on Saturday night when I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

I anticipated we were going to eat prior to going to the theater but didn't take into account the time. We didn't get out of the theater until about 9:30 and by then I was famished. I had worked out for an hour that afternoon and hadn't eaten anything since the afternoon.

I never eat that late and ended up eating a bit too much but not enough to have warranted 2.4 lbs! I'm hoping it's water retention as my cycle is due up soon. I was incredibly frustrated yesterday but all I can do is stick to the program and hope that it is in fact just water retention..

SI: Ugh, I swear I'm doing fine until life decides to test me! My computer was infected with a virus this morning and I spent an hour and a half trying to fix my computer. S.I. is the first thing that comes to mind in circumstances like this. Again, I have to tell myself that it's a temporary problem and as soon as I calm down, I can better assess the situation.

Well, nothing was working so I ran McAfee virus scan and walked away. Got on the treadmill for an hour while the virus scan ran. Came back to check on the computer and it seems to work so hopefully it's fixed.

What pisses me off even more is what's the point of having McAfee if they don't protect your system from being infected by a virus in the first place?

Anyhow, I still feel really good about this decade of my life. I talked to my Weight Watchers mentor and her words really lifted me on how far I've come. So often I see it as how much further I need to go. She also shared how much her life has changed, from the person she was before WW to when she achieved her goal weigh. Ah, it takes forever but it is worth it and the changes aren't just physical.

While I have certain regrets over things I did and didn't do in my past, I'm rather hopeful for my future. I think as I get older, those regrets are like scars that diminish over time.

Happy Birthday to.....Me!

2006-07-16T23:50:00.000-06:00

It's official, I'm 30!

Funny, I don't feel any older and don't *gulp* look any older. But somehow, according to those sands through the hourglass....I am 30!

THIRTY!

*sobs* What kind of universe does this to a person!?!?

What a cruel, cruel world!

Okay, okay....I only freaked out for a second but came to realize that better and brighter days are ahead of me! This will be the decade where everything will come into fruition...hopefully.

Honestly, I'm incredibly excited! I enter this decade with a much brighter outlook and such an open heart and spirit. I feel a bit fearless.

Sure, there is a lot that I have to sort out in my life and I realize that it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows there on out but I believe I can do anything from here on out - not to let anything bind me.

I had a lovely day with some German food. I mean really, when you think of celebratory food what comes to mind......Duh, German! I also had a slice of cake, ice cream and two glasses of champagne.

Yeah, didn't exactly stick to my Weight Watchers points, but how often does one turn.....30?

Not to mention I received the greatest gift a thirty year old could ever receive.

No, not George Clooney.....that comes at 31 ♥!

I received a Wonder Woman ring from the ever fabulous Trinikins!

I love it, it's fierce! Pictures as soon as I find my camera.

Watch your ass world, I'm unstoppable!

WW: Goodbye to my 20's.

2006-07-10T23:09:00.000-06:00

*sigh* So, this is my last WW weigh-in as a twenty-something. I'm feeling a bit sappy and sad. I'm not ready to turn 30! I haven't done half the things I thought I'd do this year! *sobs*

Would it be too late to submit my case to the Supreme Court? I mean, I shouldn't be forced to do something I don't want to do! After all, this is America! *sarcastic*

Since my last weigh in, I've been really good with sticking to my Weight Watchers points and exercising. When I weighed myself last week, my weight was elevated by a pound. When I saw the numbers, I started to cry. As it is, I was overly emotional because I was on my cycle and while I tend to retain water, I didn't expect it to be higher than the week before!

This past week I continued to stick to it and when I weighed myself this morning, I was down five pounds from last week! Yay!

Short lived celebration however as according to Weight Watchers, I'm now in a different weight class and am being robbed of two points a day to continue my weight loss.

Two points! That's half a box of Pocky right there!

*groans*

SI: Starting all over again has been hard but good at the same time. You live, you learn and it's not going to come easily or overnight but it will come. I am really trying to let go of minor issues - not letting them build up, just letting them go - forever. It's the minor issues that contributed to my everyday injuries so I'm making progress there.

I really need to speak up when things bother me - speak up, speak loud, speak often!

Anyhow, I'm in it for the long haul, no matter how long it takes! I have to be honest with myself, there is never going to be a day where eating disorders and self injury are part of my past - they will always be a part of me, whether I continue the behavior or not but I don't have to let them have such control over my life.

Through out this entire change there are times where I envision what could be, possibilities that haven't been explored. For those possibilities to happen I'm going to have to continue forward - onward and upward.

I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by now, but one day I will be.

WW:

2006-06-27T09:27:00.000-06:00

WW: Ugh, it's been a long time. So, I started my six week challenge three weeks ago and how have I done?

Well, the first week I lost 1.6 lbs - Yay!

Weeks two and three, I gained a total of 1.2 lbs - Ugh!

What happened?

Honestly, I started out with the best of intentions on those weeks - I really did. But good intentions mean nothing if there isn't follow through!

Yesterday, I spent a lot of time on the Weight Watchers site looking up recipes, try new things. Next weigh in, there will be some positive results!

SI: Since last injuring myself, I've really managed to gain ground on this front. I had mentioned to some friends how this was the first year my body had been for the most part injury free. In years past, I'd always have some time of injury and never fully allowed myself to heal. I think being injury free has lowered my tolerance for physical pain so when I last injured myself, one injury in particular took longer to heal and I zoomed into that one injury, obsessed with it. Re-thinking my actions and what lead up to injuring myself.

What scares me the most is when I think about getting older and continuing on this path, there just isn't any light heading down this road if I don't get this under control. What seems so normal to me, isn't - deep down I know it isn't but at my lowest, it seems like the only option I have.

I've given up far too much control of my life being a self injurer. So often I believed that my actions haven't had much of an effect on others, that by being an self injurer - I'm only injuring myself. But I'm finding out how much it hurts those around me as well.

The past two weeks, things have been really good for me but really bad for those I love.

In the second week of my six week challenge, I felt tested when my Dad was hospitalized twice, nothing major but not really minor either. - I mean honestly, anytime anyone goes into the hospital it's not a good thing, unless they are there to have a baby. -

I managed to turn all the negative stress into a positive and started on a major project in trying to minimize the clutter and really clean up and organize the entire house. It's a project I've been meaning to start for a while and am really proud of what I've accomplished thus far.

In little ways, I'm changing! Back to the road of positivity!

I felt a load of relief when week three started and my Dad was feeling much better!

Then we got the worst news of all when a week ago, my sister Sarah's friend Monet was murdered.

Last Monday (06/19), I had asked Sar about Monet and how she was doing (as she had been applying for a new job) and Sar mentioned that Monet was set to start a new job on Friday (06/16). She mentioned that it was really strange that she couldn't get ahold of Monet, they were supposed to have dinner together that Friday but when Monet tried calling her, she couldn't hear her due to bad reception. They tried calling each other back but still couldn't hear anything. Sar then received a text message from Monet canceling on dinner which Sar found really odd but didn't worry too much.

Sar called Monet everyday from Saturday (06/17) through Monday (06/19) and left messages for Monet to call her back, by Sunday - Sar was worried. On Tuesday morning, (06/20) Sar called Monet but Monet's message box was full.

Tuesday night Sar received a phone call from a co-worker mentioning that Monet's name was mentioned on the news regarding an apartment fire and possible murder associated with it.

The timeline of the events make no sense as it's been reported that Monet's car was missing on Tuesday (06/13) and reported stolen by a family member on Saturday (06/17). Monet was reported missing on Sunday evening (06/18) and on Monday afternoon (06/19) her apartment was set on fire and a body was found in her apartment. Hours after the fire, Monet's car was involved in a rollover accident. The person driving the car was taken in on a parole violation and questioned.

The media first reported that the apartment belonged to Monet but didn't mention whose body was found until positive identification could be made. It was announced on Thursday (06/22) that the body found was indeed Monet's.

This was the last update on the case found through the Denver Post.

There are more questions than answers at this point and at this point and nobody has been charged with Monet's murder, they haven't even named a suspect.

Whoever killed Monet destroyed everything material she possessed, everything physical was destroyed. There was nothing left, even her cats were killed in the fire. What kind of a person does that?

Such a loss on the world, Monet lived such a short life and while her name may not have been famous her actions and spirit speak volumes of the person she was and will continue to ripple on. She was such a passionate person and believed strongly in her faith. She had overcome so much and had really had the world ahead of her. This isn't supposed to happen to a person like her.

Monet was buried today, hopefully in the days to come certain questions will be answered and justice will be served.

It's so awful, I honestly don't know how Sar's able to function. I can't even imagine how I'd react but I can guarantee it wouldn't be a positive reaction. I've often said that the women in my family are incredibly, overwhelmingly strong and Sar is no exception.

World Cup!

2006-06-13T12:59:00.000-06:00

Four years! I've been waiting four years for our chance to go all the way, to finally win the world cup. What can I say, I'm a dreamer and root for the underdog. Anything can happen! Anything!

Since this year's cup started I've seen all the games but it hadn't set in until yesterday morning - that we actually stood a chance at this thing. Yeah, so we're in a tough group. Yeah, the Czech Republic is ranked 2nd to our 5th but still - there was a chance!

Honestly, Arena and the boys are the best team we've ever had so going in we knew it wasn't going to be easy but still - we stood a chance!

It's so hard to be an American soccer fan for so many reasons, number one being that it's famous everywhere else but here! Yeah, we finished last in '98. BUT, we came back in 2002, made it to the quarters where Germany took us down. So, I've been saying this whole time, the past four years that we can do it - we can win the cup!

I declared yesterday morning as "The Best Day of 2006!" Seriously, everything was going good! Stepped on the scale and had lost some weight. Felt totally awesome after my shower and decided to wear 2000 et Une Rose - for all those hopes and dreams you know.

I kept saying to myself "Kasey Keller, your time is now!"

I was so nervous but so overwhelmingly excited, even though we were the underdogs going in I knew we would win - I just knew we'd win! We had it in us!

Watched the game and all the sudden the Czechs scored.

Still, I believed! I mean we had already seen some huge upsets in the cup. It was okay - we were going to take them down!

Reyna had it, he had the ball - we were ready to score and there was nobody there to assist him! WHATTHEHELLMOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Ah, but we still had a shot! We could recoup from this - play harder, stronger, with passion!

Denied! The Czechs score again! At this point I wanted to cry! I just wanted Friedel back!

Then the half. Sure we had been playing shitty this whole time but I believed that we'd come back fierce, with fire in our souls!

Early on we use our subs and I was really happy to see O'Brien again and Johnson - man, Johnson was practically the only guy playing for our side in the second half!

Still, it wasn't enough to let our asses get kicked - we were smothered when we allowed a 3rd goal!

Seriously guys, did you not get the wakeup call?!?! This wasn't an exhibition game- this was the real deal and you choose to play like that!?!?!

I'm so sick of the excuses, practically all the players blamed it on how hard it was to recover from an early goal. Seriously??? Costa Rica didn't give the game up to the Germans that easily when Germany scored early!

I'm sick of hearing that Donovan and Beasley are caving under too much pressure! They're veteran players, this isn't their first cup! And I'm sick of hearing that our players are playing at MLS level when a huge chunk of them have and/or still play for European teams!

Seriously, AYSO players that sit on the bench could have kicked your ass the way you were playing!

Yesterday it was disbelief, today it's anger!

We deserve better than that!

No more excuses! Bring it on baby, show the world what we've got! Kick some Italian ass! Four years, we've been waiting four years for this! It's not over, we're still in the game! We can go all the way!

Attention bargain shoppers!

2006-06-08T22:28:00.000-06:00

Ho hum, I was wondering what I fragrance I should buy myself for my upcoming landmark birthday so I'm running through the filofax of fragrances I "need" and it hit me!

*rolls eyes*

Duh, I totally have to buy Lancôme Mille & Une Roses! Not only because it's a gorgeous rose fragrance that was ever so kindly presented to me by my darling friend and mentor Barbatia but it's also my best friend Annieytown's special fragrance that is wrapped with with all sorts of wonderful wishes and dreams.

Seriously, it may be the most perfect fragrance for this occasion as she wished it to come back on the market and it did! Oh man, I hope she isn't wishing for some Clooney love because I may be forced to put a hex on her.

Anyhow, I'm all about wishes and dreams, especially since I'm about to enter a whole new decade in my life so this is perfect.

Which leads me to the bargain part of this post. If you sign into Ebates and place your order through there you earn a 6% rebate on your purchase. Plus, with code FATALJUN you get a free seven piece sample collection (as shown below) with any $60 purchase. Not to mention that you get to choose another free sample with your order and there is free shipping with any $50 or more purchase.

They also gift wrap for free if you're interested - which I was! Don't forget to use your favorite cash back/reward points credit card to finalize your order.

$125, such a small price to pay for wishes and dreams! ♥

Grapes!

2006-06-06T22:39:00.000-06:00

I'm such a sucker for jewelry shaped like food and as soon as I saw these I had to order them!

Darling Grapes Pendant - Purple $10

Darling Grapes Pendant - Green $10

They are fabulous and even more adorable in person, a steal at $10 a piece! Purchased through 7 Indigo Designs.

Mollisher's Mark

2006-06-06T21:54:00.000-06:00

On this day of days I'm sporting a mark!

Ah, not the triple six mark, although I am quite devilish I've got on Mollisher's Mark by Beyond the Pale!

I first heard of Beyond the Pale through The Sampler as they were a December '05/January '06 contributor. Sadly, I didn't receive a sample of fragrance in my subscription and they were constantly sold out of samples so I hadn't tried any of their fragrances until now.

Mollisher's Mark is described as: Utterly feminine, powdery parma violets melt intriguingly into fresh rosewood and pure vanilla, infused with a hint of cinnamon, nutmeg and exotic sandalwood in the pure jojoba oil base. Reminiscent of decadent boudoirs, silk stockings draped nonchalantly over the dressing table- the subtle naughtiness of a bygone era; Mollisher's Mark is a long-lasting, uniquely spiced yet subtly floral fragrance, for ladies with pouty lips and a knowing wink...

First off I love violets, not to mention I'm a diehard spice junkie so add the two together and already I'm in heaven.

The violets aren't green at all, but not overly powdery either. Dusty rather with hints of spice that is even more evident when you're out in the sun. I often have an allergic reaction to fragrances heavy in cinnamon oil - to the point where my skin turns beet red and puffs up. Thankfully there isn't a lot of cinnamon oil in here, just enough. The woods are much stronger upon initial application but once the fragrance warmed with my skin, I couldn't detect them.

I love this, I really do! It's a gorgeous blend and one I wouldn't hesitate to order it again. Very lovely!

I purchased the smaller bottle show above for £4.99 but they also sell 10ml bottles for £9.99 directly through Beyond the Pale or Ebay, other fragrances in the line are also sold through Queen of Hearts.

Kai

2006-06-03T04:43:00.000-06:00

Gardenias are one of my absolute favorite flowers, not only does it smell heavenly but it's aesthetically pleasing. I love everything about them, the color, the texture and most of all the scent!

A few summers back I was obsessed with finding the perfect gardenia fragrance and tried my fare share of them but didn't really take to any of them. Still, I hunted for that perfect gardenia scent and filled the need that summer with the help of lots of gardenia candles and sachets. I tried Kai back then but didn't really take to it as back then as I really wasn't into oils. Good thing I gave Kai a second try.

Kai perfume oil

Described as: An intoxicating blend of tropical gardenia and white exotic flowers. Preciously packed in a roll-on vile, the delightful scent of Kai is conveniently carried and stored for a quick and easy dabbing anywhere or anytime.

With oils, it's so easy to overapply as the fragrance intensifies with the warmth of your skin. What I like about Kai is that it isn't too weak or too strong, it's the perfect balance. I've heard jasmine being mentioned as one of the notes but I sadly don't get any jasmine in here nor do I get plumeria, I do get a hint of honeysuckle however.

I've always envied those types of girls who can go out in public wearing flowers in there hair. When I do it, I just look like a mega dork so I don't bother doing it in public - in private however, that's a different story! Yeah, I've secretly worn gardenias in my hair! I can't help it, I'm just enthralled in the scent!

Kai perfume oil retails for $45/ 0.8 ounces

Kai Glow

Described as: Gives your skin that sexy glow. Kai in a light blend of natural essences and exotic perfumes, in a lustrous and naturally hydrating mist.

Kai Glow is a dry oil mist that's scented with Kai fragrance. This was a last minute purchase as I was convinced that I didn't really need it, having the perfume oil already but was incredibly interested in comparing the two products.

The first time I used it, I sprayed it on my arms, decloté and ran my still damp hair with my fingers. The scentdisappearedd all too quickly on my arms but lingered on my decloté and of course in my hair. It leaves your skin feeling silky smooth and lightly scented. While the scent doesn't last as long as the Kai perfume oil, I really liked how the product made my skin feel and loved that it was lightly scented.

Kai Glow retails for $28/4 oz.

Kai body lotion

Described as: Our Kai scented body moisturizer. Kai Body Lotion contains safflower seed oil, shea butter, apricot kernal oil and cucumber fruit extract.

I'm a product junkie and like to have matching products of my favorite scents, mainly lotions. Like the body glow, the lotion is also lightly scented with Kai fragrance. It's strong enough to wear on it's own but I'd highly recommend combining with with one or both of the previous products to have the scent last all day. When I layered all three products, I'm good for an entire day and have no need to reapply once.

The issues I have with fragranced lotions is either they tend not to provide enough moisturizer or they tend to be sticky. Kai lotion was just perfect, left me well moisturized and not sticky at all.

Kai body lotion retails for $30/8 oz. bottle

WW: Chutes and Ladders

2006-06-03T03:47:00.000-06:00

Do you remember when playing Chutes and Ladders, how you'd get so far only to stumble across a chute and manage to fall back?

Long story short - I injured myself on Monday.

I honestly did everything I could to avoid it - breathe therapy, crying, breaking things and even an intense workout on the treadmill but all of that was still not enough to stop me.

For a while now I could feel myself slipping and as much as I tried to avoid it, the trigger was just so much stronger than me. After everything happened I felt instantly better, like my soul had this shroud lifted off of it. I know it's only temporary relief as once the feeling disappears, you're left with physical pain to mask the emotional one.

One thing that remained with me throughout was what a friend said, when and if I did stumble and injure myself, not to injure myself worse that what I would normally do - you know, not to make up for lost time. That was one of my biggest fears in trying to take control of being a self injurer, that I would fall so low to a place where I'd be unable to start all over again.

This is the third time I've injured myself this year which in all honesty isn't bad as this is the first time I've ever intentionally tried to stop, three times in the span of six months. One thing that I never took notice of until this year was that all three times that I injured myself, I was on my menstrual cycle which I felt contributed to the behavior.

Going in, I knew that setbacks are bound to happen and I'm trying not to feel too bad about it having happened but I do. I feel just awful about it and am desperately trying to get back to where I was.

So, I'm turning 30 in six weeks and am nowhere near where I thought I'd be - not even close. Feeling rather low here, so what's the solution?

Six week challenge?!?!?

You bet your ass! These last six weeks of my 20's I'm putting up a fight and am going to start this new decade on a high note - I'm not quite sure how high that note will be - but I'm determined to start a new decade in my life feeling good and hopeful.

There is only one place I can go from here and that it up! ♥

Netflix

2006-05-24T23:50:00.000-06:00

Contest wins this year haven't been as fabulous as in year's past but I just won the most fabulous prize ever - a year's subscription to Netflix! Yay!

This is seriously the most awesome thing ever as I love, love, love movies! In college my friends and I would rent a ton of movies as we only had to pay fifty cents a rental. To top that off, every week the student paper would run a movie trivia contest and the prizes were movies from Miramax - I won every time. You know how songs easily recall memories? Well, for me and college - it's all about movies!

I plan on only watching the movies when I'm on the treadmill, to further motivate myself to exercise.

So far I've added a bunch of documentaries to my queue, several foreign films, a few blockbusters and of course - all of the Pippi movies!

I LOVE Pippi! As a kid, I had all of the books and was obsessed with the movies. Long live Villa Villakulla! Annika is still one of my favorite names in the world and is a serious top contender as a name if I someday have a daughter.

Pippi Longstocking is one of the many, many reasons why all Swedish things are awesome!

Seriously, don't even get me started on my love of ABBA. *sigh*

Recent Acquisitions

2006-05-22T23:15:00.000-06:00

Jem ring

Remember Jem? Glamour and glitter, fashion and fame! Jem is truly outrageous....? This ring reminds me of Jem. Anytime I wear this ring I'm going to say "Showtime, Synergy!" and wait to transform.

flawed bag

I loved the fabric on this bag so much and considered it a steal as it was sale priced because of a minor flaw. Can you spot the flaw?

Check out the birds, they're upside down! The fabric was sewn upside down but instead of diminishing the appeal of the bag I think it adds character! My bag is flawed like me! :)

50's Horseshoe Rhinestone Necklace /$35

This is the final necklace from my Miss. Misa Jewelry Subscription. I've been really happy with all the selections thus far but am a bit unsure if I'll subscribe again as I haven't been wearing necklaces lately. Life would be so much easer if I had an actual neck instead of the head and shoulders bit I sport.

Remember when Barbie was struck down with broken neck syndrome and you'd push down her head all down to somehow salvage her? That's what I look like!

Bargain shoppers take note - the three month subscription is $36 and includes shipping for 3 necklaces. The necklace shown above is $35 alone and does not include shipping - that's extra. I may not have much of a neck but I do have a bit of a brain when it comes to bargain shopping!

Carnival Ring

I first found out about Brokedown Barn through Crafters for Critters as they had donated a handful of awesome items including this awesome Bird on a Limb Necklace which I thought was the most awesome thing ever until I set my eyes on this Carnival Ring. I ran to their website where they had even more incredible jewelry and that's when I fell in love with the Carnival Ring you see above. The only thing that stopped me from buying it right away was the price, $85 so I kept my love for it on the backburner with the hope that it would one day go on sale - the day came and I caved!

You can see more Brokedown Barn gems here:

Brokedown Barn Jewelry

Brokedown Barn through Crafters for Critters - All proceeds from Crafters for Critters are donated to animal rescue organizations.

Attention please to the gods and goddesses of blessings - please, please, please grant me a sale on the Holly Cruise Sweety Cakes Rings! ♥

WW: Mediterranean Pride

2006-05-22T21:26:00.000-06:00

*groans*

So, in the past two weeks I've managed to add on 1.2 lbs back on my body. I gained .4lbs last week and .8lbs this week. I'd love to say it wasn't all my fault as the treadmill was down for over a week until a service person was able to fix it - turns I (being the only one who uses the treadmill) wore down the bolt.

You'd think as soon as the treadmill was fixed I'd jump right on it and get back to the level I was working at but no, - instead I got lazy and used that time to feast on turkey burgers and guacamole! I love guacamole but it sure doesn't love me, freakin'crapbastardguacamolefromhell!

For a while there I was eating a lot less meat which no doubt helped move the scale a lot so for this week I'm going to try more vegetarian meals and hopefully get back to where I was.

Anyhow, last week I was talking to my sister and asking her what she had found out about her thalassemia as she went to see a Hematologist and had more specialized tests done. It was assumed that she had Alpha version (which is found in Asians) because my mom's got it and her dad was from China - I mean - boom, boom, boom...right?

Ah, not so fast - turns out my sister's got the Beta version (the Mediterranean one)! Now, we've always known we were mixed and going back a few generations, our ancestors have come from different continents but not once had any Mediterranean ancestry come up!

Crap! While some people are left with a hearty chunk of an inheritance once their ancestors pass on, our ancestors left us with this lousy genetic disorder!

Seriously, these have got to be some massive turbo genes and the odds are so slim, so very slim for them to have been carried so far but they have been. Anyhow I'm going to be tested for it in September as I previously thought that the odds of me having it were slim to none but now with this revelation I'm not too sure.

SI: I'm trying to let go of the little things and not let those little things build up but what I really need to work on is being more vocal when things bother me, instead I become incredibly non-confrontational and withdraw. And not just withdraw from those with whom I have issues with but do a complete life withdrawal - calls become unreturned, e-mails go answered and the list goes on.

You know that episode of Friends where they find out what makes Fun Bobby so fun - the fact that he's an alcoholic and is only "fun" when he's inebriated.

That's what I feel like, as though things were somewhat better when I was injuring myself as I'd pretend that certain issues didn't affect me and I was more easy going toward others and life in general. Which I know sensibly is an unhealthy attitude but somehow it made sense to me so I was really trying to get over this thought when I got a call from one of my best friends who I had been avoiding for a while as I've been trying to get my life in order.

She went though similar trauma in her childhood and had adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms as well - different from mine but still negative. Anyhow, for a while now she has been seeking help in how to deal with her issues. The last time we talked things were going really great for her and she was in a really great place. All of the sudden a series of events come crashing down on her and she's pushed all the way back in the game of life.

All this time I've been saying that I'm so not at where I envisioned myself to be at this age, nowhere near where I thought I'd be and she shared that she too wasn't where she expected to be given her recent circumstances. One thing that has provided her comfort is the fact that she has now been given the tools to deal with her current situation in a healthy way because she knows how she would have dealt with her current situation in the past and it would have pushed her even farther back than where she is now so in the mean time she needs to suck it up and rebuild herself to move forward.

So, I need to suck it up and rebuild to move forward and I can't move forward until I've overcome these issues because I want to be able to deal with situations in a healthy way when life comes crashing down.

Ugh, I wish life was easier! Why can't I just wear a sign that says "Girl's got issues!" so that people can nod their heads and walk away? *sobs*

2006-05-12T23:38:00.000-06:00

Kate Spade iPod case/$23.00

So, Neiman Marcus is having their Scent Event in which you get a tote filled with samples with any order for $85 and above.

I've received the tote bag before which is a MAJOR disappointment in comparison to the famous Barneys' gift bag but if you're wanting to purchase something that isn't normally discounted, say Serge Lutens for example - this would be an excellent opportunity to pick up a bottle and get a little something extra.

May I suggest my personal favorite A La Nuit?

Also, Neiman Marcus is having a sale going on where you can pick up excellent bargains on iPod cases by Kate Spade, Juicy Couture and a handful of other lines.

Free shipping until 05/15 with code: NMSALE.
Also, if you go through Ebates you'll earn a 2% rebate on your purchase.

San-X cell phone bed

2006-05-10T10:50:00.000-06:00

Plush cell phone bed/$9.99 at Fred Flare

I had my eye on this bed for a while and finally ordered as I want to be more organized. I expected it to be smaller but am glad that it isn't because both my cell phone and iPod fit inside.

Those cute little slippers are included as they serve a purpose as well, they're screen cleaners! Man, San-X is awesome!

Da Vinci Code/sudoku

2006-05-10T09:55:00.000-06:00

Up until a week ago I had no interest in reading The Da Vinci Code. No interest at all, I didn't even want to see the movie!

Last week, I was entering contests and stumble across the Da Vinci Code Quest On Google Contest and the first challenge involved is sudoku inspired game.

Now, I had heard of sudoku but again had no interest in it and had never played it before. Come to find out it's the most awesome thing ever! Seriously, I think I'm a bit of a sudoku addict now.

As I advanced with the game I start thinking that the book doesn't sound so bad so I read it. Actually, I didn't read, read it. I uploaded the abridged audio version of it to my ipod and listened to it.

*sobs* I totally caved and became so typical, like everyone else! What next!?!? Am I going to suddenly become a Michael Bublé fan? *sobs*

This is the beginning of the end!

Anyhow, I thought the book kinda sucked so I'm glad I didn't actually read, read it. *sigh* Yeah, I'm probably going to see the movie when it comes out.

Did the bad guy really have to be a self injurer with a pigment problem. I know, I know, not totally the same thing as it was self injury for religious reasons but still - a bit too close to home.

Chanel No. 5

2006-05-10T08:33:00.001-06:00

French actress Carole Bouquet, the face of Chanel No. 5 perfume, poses in a field of jasmine. Image: © Marianne Rosenstiehl/Sygma/Corbis. Date Photographed: September 1996

I don't know what it is but I always feel a bit fancy when I wear Chanel No. 5. Maybe it's because of the famous Marilyn Monroe quote or the fact that I get this image in my head of dressing up and going out like women did in the '50's. Maybe it's just the aldehydes?

Maybe? I seriously do get an image of dressing up and going out though, dressing up in a lovely black dress and accessorizing myself with pearls. It's a fantasy really because I look quite drab in black and am not really much of a pearl girl but Chanel No. 5 gives me that feeling, like I can pull it off.

Regardless, I do love Chanel No. 5 but don't wear it nearly enough. I don't really know why, it's one I should wear more often but don't. Maybe because it's so common, so easily recognized.

Anyhow, the notes. What are the notes? According to Osmoz the notes in Chanel No. 5 are:

Top: Aldehydes, Bergamot, Lemon, Neroli
Middle: Jasmine, Rose, Lily of the valley, Orris
Bottom: Vetiver, Sandal, Vanilla, Amber

Neroli, really? I didn't know it had neroli! I'm not a big fan of neroli but I can't detect it and honestly who could under the aldehydes? I understand why people don't like this fragrance, because it's heavy in aldehydes but I happen to like aldehydes in fragrances! There is a mere whisper of citrus in this fragrance, which were moredetectablee when I paired it with Bliss Vanilla & Bergamot body butter.

The floral notes are more evident in the heat, at times the rose is a bit stronger than the jasmine on me. I don't get the lily of the valley at all but do get a tinge of the orris. I also can't detect any vetiver and the sandalwood is very soft on me. More vanilla and amber than anything else in the bottom notes, but still rather light.

The staying power is incredible on me, it really clings to fabric as well. The other day I wore it to bed and when I woke up, the scent was all over my body pillow. Such a gorgeous fragrance, I really should wear it more!

This is in reference to the Eau de Parfum which retails for $80/1.7 oz or $110/3.4 oz. I also have the Body Lotion and the Bath Gel which are beyond fabulous.

I've been meaning to buy the After Bath Powder as I'm a powder addict but have yet to cave on it.

I know, I know Nicole Kidman is the new face of Chanel No. 5 but I'm not a big fan of hers and don't you think Carole Bouquet's campaign is much prettier?

Not to mention I'm a huge, huge, huge Baz fan and still chose this one over his.

WW: That's total crap!

2006-05-08T10:44:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning not thinking I lost much weight and was prepared not to be too disappointed with the number once I stepped on the scale. I looked at the number and knew I had lost some weight from last week but how much from last week I wasn't sure as I try not to concentrate too much on the number from week to week. This was the message I got when I logged in my weight:

THANKS for logging your weight. You've lost weight since you last visited the weight tracker. You must feel pleased that those pounds are coming off!

However, we notice that you've lost more than an average of 2 pounds per week over three or more weeks. This rate is too rapid it may be unsafe or unhealthy.

While we're proud of your achievements and pleased you're making changes in your life, we need you to concentrate on one more thing: You should slow the pace of your weight loss to no more than 2 pounds per week.

I was a bit surprised at that message as it's not like I lost a massive amount of weight from last week to this one, it was 2.4 lbs people! Add to that I couldn't find my focus withexercisee until later in the week!

Ugh, seriously! I ate really well this past week and have concentrated on more fresh fruits and vegetables than anything else but it wasn't like I was starving myself. Far from it, this Saturday I went to a Middle Eastern festival and was lax on my points for that one day. I didn't go overboard, but I wasn't exactly choosing the most healthy options either.

I don't get it, weeks where I'm busting my ass I lose so little weight and this one week where I was rather lax on my concentration, I lose a chunkfull?!?!

That's total crap!

I have some bad news concerning exercisee, I was on the treadmill last night when it started going wonky on me and threw me off. I wasn't hurt and it was toward the end of my workout so all wasn't lost. Looks like a screw broke and that threw thetreadmilll belt off so it's all messed up! I have to place a service call to have it repaired so that's out ofcommissionn for the time being. Guess I'll have to focus on weight training for this week. That sucks!

SI: I've been making good progress on this front, as well as can be expected. For minor issues, breathe therapy is helping me a lot and really concentrating on letting things go. There was one instance this past week where circumstances got a bit overwhelming and I was afraid of falling back into routine but I was able to work through it.

I'm at the point where my weight loss is more apparent but I'm more proud of the progress I've made with SI as it's more internal than external so people don't know how far I've come on that front. I know that I still have a long way to go, but deep down inside I know I can do it!

WW: Whatever!

2006-05-04T23:01:00.000-06:00

So, it's May and I have a little over two months until my birthday. I don't know, I'm in a bit of a slump and some days are so much easier than others. I had hoped to focus this month on facing my fears of driving but am going to have to postpone until next month. That wasn't an easy decision to make as my entire goal was to enter a new decade having faced and/or conquered my fears. I honestly thought I'd be at a better place by now and am not, nowhere near it. The last couple of weeks have really shown my vulnerability and I want to move onto the next step when I'm better prepared.

Now, onto the weight loss...Well, I stepped on the scale Monday and found out I lost .6 lbs. I was rather surprised as I had worked hard all last week and was really focused. I was hoping for at least a pound lost as everything is in check so far. *rolls eyes* Whatever!

I've been really good at my eating habits and am starting to get it. Like it's finally starting to click where I'm automatically making healthier choices - of course there is still a lot of work to be done but I'm starting to get it...finally. I'm making better decisions on what to eat and how much - really, I can now serve myself smaller portions and not feel totally deprived.

One thing that I've been having problems with this week is my focus on exercise. I don't know what it is but for some reason I just couldn't find my focus and was rather lax about exercise the last few days. Today I woke up feeling just awful (both physically and mentally) so I spent an intense hour on the treadmill.

I felt incredible afterwards, exhausted but exhilarated! Felt good to finally find my focus for the week - even if it was so late in the week.

SI: Ah, last week was relatively good as I was on a high after last week's weigh in and really focused on how good that felt. I've been focusing a lot on breathe therapy, I've also moved on to making a fist with both hands. It's like I'm trying to hold all the stress and tension in my fists while I breathe to bring me down and as I open my hands, I let go of all that negativity.

The other day they were talking about self injurers on Good Morning America and my heart just sank. They were talking about self injurers who go online to seek other ways of injuring themselves, there are communities where users even upload pictures of their injuries. I was honestly surprised as I'm well aware of the communities for self injurers seeking help but didn't know there were communities in which the sole purpose is is to descend deeper into self injury. I'm not sure what communities they were referring to as it was a relatively short report but I know how easy it is to pick up ideas when you're that vulnerable.

My mom is the one person that I've tried many times to have her understand my issues with self injury without much success. Less than two weeks ago, I think I made a little progress - not quite in her understanding of it but more my declaration of it. As I mentioned before, it was something that was well known in my household growing up but never mentioned. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done there but I think it's more work that needs to be done on my end rather than others understanding of it. I can't force people to understand it when I can't quite fully understand it myself.

Comme des Garcons Vettiveru

2006-04-25T20:53:00.000-06:00

Picture taken from Luckyscent.com

Ho hum, I was wanting to test something new when lo and behold opportunity arouse to buy a decant of Vettiveru from Comme des Garcons Series 4: Cologne.
Vettiveru is described on Luckyscent as:
Masterfully blended, Vettiveru is perfectly balanced and surprisingly deep for a cologne, and an absolute must for all lovers of vetiver. It opens with a citrusy bergamot and the soft green of vetiver. Once it settles, it drifts in and out of being a light, dry woody scent (white cedar) and a wonderfully verdant and clean vetiver. We love the way it meanders between feeling Âdry brownÂ and Âclean green, Â and we can practically guarantee that Vettiveru will be fragrance you reach for when YOU want to wear the scent, not the other way around. Subtle yet please-rub-on-my-sheets/furniture/pillows-so-I-can-smell-it-when-youÂre-gone memorable.

The notes in Vettiveru are: Vetiver, bergamot, neroli & white cedar

Out of the three from this series, Vettiveru was the one that appealed to me the least as I'm rather iffy when it comes to vetiver and neroli tends to give me a headache but I figured it was worth a shot.

Vettiveru starts out very fresh on me, a rather soft vetiver but at the same time still bold enough to make a statement. I first tested this on a really hot afternoon and it bugged me but today it was cooler and it seemed like the perfect choice. To me it seems more citrusy today than it did withimmensemense heat.

So, the neroli...that's what bugged me when I first tested it. I don't know but the neroli seemed stronger when I wore this in warmer whether. Not that the neroli is strong in this fragrance, it's not but it's one note I really could do without in any fragrance. The cedar is very, very faint - part of me wishes it were stronger as I love cedar.

I was expecting rather poor staying power but this lasts on me for several hours before feeling the need to spray again. While I like it, I'm not sure I LOVE it so the decant was a good decision but I probably won't replace it once this one's empty.

Vettiveru retails for $80/17 oz. at Luckyscent - that's right baby - seventeen ounces! Man, every fragrance should come in 17 oz. bottles!

Stuff from Miss Misa

2006-04-25T20:01:00.000-06:00

Gold Swallow Necklace $28

I'm usually not a trendy girl when it comes to jewelry, I basically wear what I like. I also try to stay away from gold toned items they seems to wash me out a bit but I do like it on occasion.

While shopping last month, I really liked the style of the Gold Swallow Necklace and as I was about to order it, I noticed that for a few dollars more I could instead order the Three Month Necklace Subscription as it was the necklace chosen for the month of March.

Silver Swallow Necklace $24

Other perks given to subscribers are discounts and the ability to vote on which necklace is selected for the following month. The necklace chosen for the month of April was the Silver Swallow Necklace. If you look at the picture on the website, the chain is attatched to the tail of the sparrow. Well, I'm somewhat picky and asked Misa if she by any chance attach the chain to the wings instead of the tail on mine.

I didn't threaten violence or anything, I just asked politely and she said yes!

My necklace is special and I love it! I am so glad I asked because in all honesty, the silver swallow necklace didn't originally appeal to me when I fell for the gold swallow necklace. Now I love it even more than the gold swallow necklace!

First Kiss Pin $12.50

Back in February I believe, Miss Misa contributed some First Kiss Pins to
The Sampler but I didn't get one in my subscription - I try not to set my heart on any one item because odds are it won't be in my Sampler - for that month so I asked Misa to please add them to the site - I'm sounding awfully bossy - and she did! Yay!

Shame I totally suck at picture taking because everything is so much cuter in person! I also have to mention that Misa is an absolute sweetheart!

Amy Peters' ring & necklace

2006-04-24T20:27:00.001-06:00

It's not the camera, it's the girl behind the camera that sucks!

When the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping!

So, there's been this huge birthday celebration going on at Amy Peters' Studio and I was smitten with the little flower pendant which isn't up for sale on the site but was given away for free with any order on April 9th so being a ring fiend, I naturally ordered a ring!

I ordered the flower ring so it could be matchy matchy with the necklace.

Stacking Flower Ring $20

Sometimes matchy matchy people piss me off but I'm not one of those "In your face, check me out - I'm all matchy matchy!"

I swear, I'm not!

Plus, the ring is a stacking ring and it's rather dainty so it's not like anyone would really notice that I'm matchy matchy.

Anyhow, they're giving away a surprise freebie tomorrow with any purchase.

WW: Movement, we've got movement!

2006-04-24T20:24:00.000-06:00

How many calories does crying burn? A whole heck of a lot!

I went down a total of four pounds this week - exactly four on the dot!

Mind you, this is the week after my flow so it wasn't all diet and exercise. Yeah, water retention played a huge role in this week's weigh in. Plus, my levels are more normal now that I'm on the lower dose of Synthroid - which are pink by the way, my favorite color! Yay!

I was far beyond frustrated and really, really needed to see some change this week. Oh man was I frustrated! I tried, I mean really tried so hard this past week with everything. I worked out even harder than the weeks before because I was needed to see some change. Ugh, for the last couple weeks I've felt so off and had really questioned if it was worth putting forth anymore effort towards this entire lifestyle change.

I've done really good with my eating habits and consumed so many vegetables this week. For the last three weeks I've substituted ground turkey for any recipe that call for ground beef so two weeks ago I made a bunch of turkey chili - with half of meat it called for and instead added a lot of vegetables and double the beans it called for. I also made turkey burgers as I've been craving a hamburger like mad! I made guacamole - again filled with double the veggies - and made myself a guacamole burger on whole wheat bread. It was so incredibly awesome!

I've considered going pollo-vegetarian as I eat primarily chicken and seldom eat other cuts of meat but I have to do a lot more research on how it will affect my body and what will work best for me. I'd love to go vegetarian someday but I think that may be taking on too much at once so for now I'll settle for small changes.

SI: Ah, these past couple weeks have been so tough and this was the one behavior that I was most afraid of reverting to as I've only recently tried to control it. Friday and Saturday were really hard days to get through, for specific reasons I was really sensitive on those days and spent a huge chunk of both days just sobbing.

Crying is still relatively hard for me but once I get started it's like I can't stop. It's quickly progressing to be an automatic phase two when I feel the overwhelming desire to injure myself.

In my head I have a vision of "the best me I can possibly be" and when things get hard I try to envision all the opportunities that life has to offer and how once I get to that point, I'll be in a better position to accept those opportunities.
So, I made it through yet another week without injuring myself! Like so many people remind me, it's all about the small steps in life. Small steps that add up to huge leaps.

I get it, change won't come overnight and sometimes it won't come for several weeks but it does come around....eventually. I have to hold on for those moments, when change does come. Ugh, it's hard but it's totally worth it!

¡Ombligo! On to next week....

Versace The Dreamer

2006-04-24T19:49:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling rather comfy cozy today and wearing Versace's The Dreamer which is marketed for men but I love it on myself!

According to Osmoz, the notes in The Dreamer are:
Top: Clary sage, Lavender, Mandarin, Mace
Middle: Tobacco, Geranium, Carnation, Rose
Base: Vetiver, Cedar, Tonka, Fir

It starts off with a subtle spice, I love spicy fragrances but am not really fond of the spice found in the top notes. It seems a bit out of place and don't really flow with the rest of the scent. I love the lavender in here, it smells rather cool and refreshing. The heaviest scent on me is the tobacco which is slightly sweet at first and diminishes the longer I wear it. The floral and wood notes are incredibly soft on me, it's the tobacco that really makes this fragrance.

I've been wearing The Dreamer to bed lately as it's a rather comforting fragrance. They staying power is very good on me, I can easily detect it hours after application.

Seems like The Dreamer is easily found at a discount price and can be purchased for under $30 a bottle. Love it!

WW: Subtle Changes

2006-04-19T14:54:00.000-06:00

Ah, the numbers! Oh, the numbers! Why? Why, don't they change?!?!

Okay, okay the number did change.....slightly.

I lost .4 lbs from last week to this one which is practically nothing. I know, I know in the end it all adds up but I'd like it to add up a little bit faster than this!

It was noted this past week that I looked though I've lost a lot of weight - which I have - over a year but haven't - more recently.

Thing is now the weight loss has become more apparent in my face. So yeah I still have a big fat face and a chunk body to follow but you can kinda tell that something is going on.......slowly.

A lot of mixed emotions come with these subtle changes as I'm still frustrated at how slow everything is progressing. The past couple weeks have been a real challenge as I'm doing my absolute hardest and it's still not enough!

Hills and valleys, I know! It still makes me want to scream!

Sometimes I think I'm making more and more strides when it comes to self control but at the same time I'm not at the place where I've mastered self control. I made a comment last week that I can't have an entire cake in the house. I just can't, I'm weak when it comes to cake and although I know the consequences of eating cake I'd still polish it off. Now I've never polished off an entire cake by myself but have come relatively close to it, in the past.

I strongly believe with this entire process to eat foods that I would normally eat, not to restrict anything from my diet because as soon as I go bad, the pounds will pile back on. So, on occasion I'll allow myself a treat - now these occasions are becoming few and far between in this entire process and I'm slowly breaking my addiction towards bad foods and finding that I don't have as much of a desire to eat them. And really, if you don't purchase them - you can't eat them.

Before, I didn't see it so much as an addiction but it is - at least for me. To explain this better, I've known alcoholics that can't have alcohol in the house - it's too hard to be around it. Yet there are others that can have it in the house but they have enough self control not to serve themselves any of it.

When it comes to bad foods, I'm at the place where I can't have it in the house - I can't! I'm not strong enough to have them around but not eat them and I feel really awful about it!

I don't know.

Sensibly, it seems rather funny to admit an addiction towards cake or other bad foods but at the same time it's made me feel like such an absolute failure. Yet, I'm not trying to be funny in my admittance of my addiction towards cake or other bad foods because in all honesty, I'm an addict.

I was mentioning this to my sister and she brought up that saying "I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

I'm an addict and know it, have always known it but never really acknowledged it because even when I acknowledge it it still looked upon like a joke. When I was little, my parents would buy those Hostess or Little Debbie treats for our lunches - rather, my sister's lunches. Being a fat kid I was always put on a diet of somekind and was told that I couldn't have those treats. I'd still sneak them in as I was a latch key kid and as soon as I came home I'd eat one of those treats and hide the wrapper in a sheet of foil and bury it in the bottom of the trash can. It's behavior I still exhibit to this day and I'm not sure how to break free of it.

At this point all I can do is avoid having these foods in the house because I'm not strong enough. Perhaps I'll never be strong enough?

Anyhow, this past week was a bit rough. There were a lot of tears shed this week. Most had to do with my hormones going crazy on me and some had to do with the reaction people have towards my addiction with food.

And really you'd think I'd be more okay with it by now especially since my addiction with food isn't my only addiction. That's where my self injury issues come up once again. Again a behavior I never really saw as an addiction but it is and it's one that I'm trying desperately to defeat. This week was made easier with my ability to cry to get my emotions out and again I relied heavily on breathe therapy.

The past couple of weeks have been a real test as I've had problems sleeping. I've been a life long insomniac and have the tendency to injure myself more when I'm having problems sleeping. It's frustrating enough being unable to sleep and the more I lay there, the more I start to think about all the negative issues in my life which make me even more frustrated! Before you know it I've reached my boiling point and injure myself.

My sleeping pills haven't been quite so effective these past couple weeks so I've been watching a lot of television until I can fall asleep naturally. At this point I'm trying not to let any negativity build up to a boiling point, to deal with negative emotions as soon as they arise. So far it's working, it's all about the subtle changes this week.

Angela Tong Swan Ring

2006-04-14T00:35:00.000-06:00

Taken from AngelaTong.com

I have been in love with Angela Tong's Swan Ring for a while now and was so unsure on whether I should purchase it or not as they're only sold in specific sizes. Once again, damn you man hands!

Anyhow, Last December Trunkt (where the ring is also sold) ran a promotion where the entire site was 25% off with a code. I pondered ordering it, but ultimately decided against it and had regretted that decision since.

Opportunity arose again two weeks ago when once again there was a 25% off code at Trunkt through Daily Candy's Deals. If I don't answer the door the first go round, you can bet your ass I'm going to answer it if opportunity knocks once again!

Placed my order and two days later it was in was on my pinky finger! I love it, it's gorgeous and fits just perfectly! Trunkt only offers the silver version so that's the one I purchased, naturally.

I've been called lucky by a lot of people which I shrug off for the most part but I can't deny the fact that I was incredibly lucky this time around as when I placed the order, the ring was priced at $66 so with the 25% off code I only paid $49.50! Since then, just a few days after receiving my order - the price shot up to $80.

I know, I know, the price of silver just went up but still what are the odds that I ordered the ring right before the price went up and the code was still in effect - huh?!?!

No seriously, what are the odds?

I wonder if I get two more wishes - world peace? Nah, I'll take Clooney and his villa! Wait does he come with the villa? Then that counts as one! Okay, Clooney and world peace!

Swan ring retails for $80/silver or $298/gold and can be purchased direct through Angela Tong or at Trunkt.

WW: Frustration!

2006-04-13T22:47:00.000-06:00

Last week I was really determined to make the scale move, I've just been feeling so out of it and everytime it seems I'm making progress - I end up even farther behind. I was rather frustrated but focused on what I could accomplish and really stuck to eating healthy all week (some days I didn't even use up all my WW points) and put in so much effort with my exercise - much more than usual. In all honesty, it was like my body was possessed by a health freak or something but I really needed to see some results.

Last Friday, I started on the lower level of Synthroid which I kinda knew wouldn't affect my weight any this week but I hoped that all my extra efforts would pay off. When I woke up Monday morning I felt lighter and had it set in my head that I lost a pound. I get on the scale and see that I only lost .2 lbs. Seriously, I thought the scale was broken and kept checking the number but it didn't change only .2 lbs lost this week. I logged in my weight got the typical WW message that I'm losing weight at a healthy rate, blah, blah, blah... and tried to shrug it off as if it didn't bother me.

Now I know so much of my weight loss is determined by my thryroid and when it's in check I lose weight and when it's off I don't. I know this, but still it gets to me because I have so much determination in me - I don't know, it's like I have to prove not only to myself but others that I'm worthy of such a happy life because deep inside of me there is this spirit that is just waiting for the day when it can shine, when I can shine. I try not to get too frustrated when my levels are off because it's beyond my control at that point. I know I have to control what I can and leave everything up in the air I guess but that's not enough for me. It just frustrates me not to have full control.

Later that Monday I got my feelings hurt over the smallest,most insignificant comment that was said to me and really the person who said it wasn't out to hurt me but I just took it as that.

Naturally - for me at least - it was enough of a trigger to want to injure myself.

I start really focus on the real reason why I want to injure myself and everything has to do with my frustration. Frustration about my weight issues, frustration with Graves disease, frustration with being a self injurer. When my levels are off I notice that I'm such a jittery mess, I can't maintain my focus on anything. The smallest tasks just frustrate me, my memory is totally off and once again with the sleeping problems.

I'm just beyond frustrated and start crying and I hate when I cry, I've always seen it as such a sign of weakness for myself. Ugh, as a kid I was teased so much either for being fat or for looking like a freak because of my vitiligo and I was so determined not to let anyone see me cry, not to give them the satisfaction to know that they hurt me so I'd wait until I got home to cry while I'd injure myself.

Anyhow, once I started crying I couldn't stop. For twenty minutes while making this whole wheat, cheeseless, vegetarian pizza I'm just sobbing away trying to let it all out which in all honesty made me cry even harder because here I had only lost .2 lbs in the week and I'm trying once again to eat healthy but deep in the back of my mind I want to pile on loads of cheese and just give up. After all that crying I felt better, much better and the need to injure myself had passed.

I had been thinking last week if it was going to get any easier, thinking about my struggle with self injury and I compared it to my struggle with my weight.

Does it get any easier? In all honesty, it doesn't!

It just becomes more routine, knowing how to make healthier choices for my life. Where the decision to choose the healthier option comes up faster and makes more sense than before.

I then settled on the fact that I can only do so much at this point and try not to let all this frustration get to me fast forward to today where I wasn't feeling good and low and behold I get a sign - my flow. I know, I know T.M.I.

Stupid flow which is usually a bad sign, but not this time because an absence of a flow means something is wrong with my body - typically that my levels are off like last month when I skipped. Anyhow, it's the first sign that my levels are getting more normal so I can expect to feel better sometime soon and hopefully I'll start seeing changes in my weight once again! Until then I just have to really focus on my goals and not let all these frustrations get to me.

Highs and lows, I know this! I just wish there were a lot more highs!

The highs I can take - it's the lows that get to me!

Buckle Bastards!

2006-04-06T23:20:00.000-06:00

Taken from Buckle.

Let's face it, I'm not a Buckle girl!

Two years ago I won a contest through Buckle and that's where my saga with Buckle began, I received a letter stating that I won a Hoobastank surfboard, and autographed CD and a $50 gift card to Buckle.

The prize was valued at $500 which was *at the time* the biggest prize I had won! I was ultra excited, filled out and sent back all the necessary paperwork to accept my prize. Days go by turning to weeks, turning to months without a prize in sight.

During this time the first contact person said that my original surfboard was damaged enroute and returned to them so they have to create a new surfboard which after being assembled will then be autographed by the band which was then on tour in Europe.

After several of my e-mails and phone calls went unanswered and I had all but given up on this prize.

The surfboard finally arrived about nine months later!

Ah, but the prize stated that I was also to get the autographed CD and a $50 gift certificate. That's when the second contact person came into the picture mentioning that the first contact person was fired and within a week after talking to her the CD and $50 gift card arrived.

Since I'm not a Buckle girl that gift card has been stuck in my wallet - only to see the light when I switch purses or wallets. Anytime I'd go to the mall, I'd walk past Buckle but there was never anything I liked so in time I forgot all about that poor Buckle gift card until the other day when it slipped out while I was reaching for another card.

So, I decide to check out the website. Since I'm between sizes, clothes are out of the question. They do advertise fragrances on their website. I'm guessing fruity florals? Not that there's anything wrong with fruity florals but do I really need another fruity floral fragrance?!?! They've got watches there but I don't wear a watch and I didn't like any of the bags on the site.

So, I'm fiddling around with the site and come across these shoes:

Ok, I have huge mother feet! Seriously, I have like the biggest feet known to man and wear a size 11 and sometimes an 11...and a half! Why I have flippers for feet is beyond me, I'm not even tall! So unfair!

But these shoes are on clearance and are marked down from $75 to $19.99. Where it pays to have huge mondo feet as a woman is when you find shoes made for men with smaller feet on clearance! So yeah, these were size nine men's shoes but for $19.99 I didn't care. I was going to use up my gift certificate anyhow so even if they didn't fit or they were just plain fugly, I wasn't out any money!

Soon after I spotted them I start to have fantasies of skipping in these shoes, dancing in these shoes, shopping at non-Buckle stores in these shoes!

I then search around for things to add to the cart so I can use the entire balance on the card at once. Settle on a bunch of scarves and my total including tax and shipping comes out to $49.40 - Excellent!

Needless to say I was rather happy with what I had chosen, especially the shoes...until I received an e-mail about my order stating that my order had been shipped...............minus the shoes - which were now out of stock!

Bastardassbucklemotherfuckers! The shoes were the main reason why I placed the order! Would it have been that hard to contact me about my order and ask if I wanted to continue with my order?

Now I have $22.27 left on the stupid Buckle gift card and it costs $5 to ship another order so I'll have to either go to the store to use up the rest of the balance or place another order.

I should have gone with the fragrance, always go with the fragrance!

*Update: Buckle contacted me a few days after my I had placed my order that they found the shoes in stock and gave me the option of reinstating the order with free shipping! I told them to go ahead and reinstate my order and they did. The shoes are now in my possession! No way in hell are these shoes worth $79.99 - the sticker price on the shoes! They look like Payless shoes - no offense to Payless but yeah I'm glad I didn't have to pay out of pocket for these babies! Cheers to Buckle for finding the shoes!

Demeter Pomegranate & Lily Lambert No. 77

2006-04-06T23:01:00.000-06:00

Taken from Wikipedia.

I've always loved pomegranates, my father's parents had a pomegranate tree in their back yard and I remember as a kid being taught to pick the pomegranate and then smashing it on the floor to break it open and eating it.

Two of my favorite pomegranate fragrances are Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir and Santa Maria Novella Melograno so I figured it would be fun to venture out and try other pomegranate fragrances.

Demeter Pomegranate is described as: Our favorite pomegranate story, not surprisingly, is the Greek myth of Persephone. Hades abducts the beautiful daughter of Zeus and Demeter, our namesake, and carries Persephone to the Underworld. Tempted by the luscious Pomegranate, Persephone is made his eternal queen by eating its seeds, only able to return above ground for six months, her return heralding the arrival of Spring.

Given that heritage, Pomegranate by the Demeter Fragrance Library had to be great, and this one is, capturing all the freshness and deep, sweet flavor that tempted Persephone in the first place.

Demeter Pomegranate is incredibly tart and smells more like a bottle of POM Wonderful than an actual pomegranate.

I think this may well me my absolute favorite Demeter ever as the scent of pomegranate juice is very true, and the strength and staying power is absolutely amazing - especially given that it's a Demeter.

One drawback is that it when you first spray it, it doesn't smell as true as it does later in the day. It starts off more as a mixed berry scent and then morphs into a pomegranate juice fragrance. Still, I give it a thumbs up and would easily re-purchase this bottle.

Demeter Pomegranate retails for $19.00/1 oz.

Lily Lambert No. 77 is described as: Fresh and fruity, the main notes are simple and mouthwatering. Her intoxicating base includes pomegranate, and honeydew. A hint of Strawberry opens up into a main body of amber, and baby pink roses.

First off, I like all the notes mentioned in Lily Lambert No 77. I've mentioned many times not being particularly fond of melon in fragrances but I'm usually referring more to cantaloupe over say honeydew.

That being said, I was rather unsure if I'd like the honeydew in this fragrance. I HATE cantaloupe - both as a fragrance note and as a fruit. I refuse to eat it! I won't even eat cantaloupe flavored Jelly Bellys! Honeydew I like, honeydew's my friend.

Lily Lambert No. 77 starts off with subtle pomegranate which is muted even more by the honeydew as it warms to the skin. I was unsure as how those notes would smell together in a fragrance but I was pleasantly surprised! The strawberry and rose are more evident as the fragrance wears on. I'd classify this more as a fruity fragrance over a floral one because it smells like a mixed drink. I was able to detect the rose even more once I went out in the sun.

Lily Lambert No. 77 is more of a summer fragrance to me. I don't know, I'm unsure of what to make of it because I was certain that it would be the mixture of fruits in this fragrance that I wouldn't like, yet I do. It's the rose in here that seems a bit lackluster, perhaps if a different rose was chosen?

You want to know what image I get while testing this fragrance?

*picture it*

Scene: Late 1980's in a seafoam green living room.

I'm sipping a Carpi Sun while wearing neon clothes and listening to NKOTB, in the corner of the room is a vase full of pink roses.

Boring and somewhat dated right?

I mean it's nice, but it's nothing extraordinary.

Maybe my expectations were a bit too high fragrance but the rose kinda kills it for me - and I love rose!

I've been known to change my mind on fragrances when I test them in different weather so for now I'll give it a maybe for summer. The fruity I like, the floral needs to be worked on.

Lily Lambert No. 77 retails for $40/.35 oz.

WW: What do normal people do in situations like this?

2006-04-03T11:47:00.000-06:00

I went down a whole 0.8 lbs this week! Stupid body, stupid Graves! Graves disease for the most part isn't bad until my levels are off and then it's just a plain ass hassle. This week I start the new dosage of Synthroid so I'm hoping that my body starts feeling better. I'm feeling incredibly off lately - tired, aggravated, my eyes are killing me and I'm having problems sleeping again.

When my levels are normal I can fall asleep naturally, this past week even sleeping pills didn't help me fall asleep! I can't wait for my body to get back to normal, that'll be nice!

I'm glad I lost some weight this week because I put forth a lot of effort, well minus this weekend - not too much effort there but still.

SI: Thank you all for your constant love and support, it honestly means the world to me! I'm very proud to announce that I made it through an entire month without injuring myself! This is the first time that I'm making a conscious effort to control this issue and I'm rather proud of myself. Not to say that it's been easy, it hasn't - far from it! I was really tested this past week when on Wednesday my computer was subject to a virus.

I've had minor issues with computers before, mostly having to remove programs that were added without my consent and the like but this was the first major issue that I've had to deal with. I was calm when it first hijacked my system and I was able to delete some of the program but everytime I'd restart my computer the program would take control over more of the system. I couldn't localize the hidden folders so it got to the point where the virus was in full control and at that point I'm just sobbing and the desire to injure myself is just escalating by the second.

Everything I'm trying isn't working and I'm beyond breathe therapy because I'm about to pass out, I walked out of the room sobbing because at this point even system restore isn't working. The last thing I can do at this point is get it back to where it's factory restored so I run that program and again walk out of the room.

I was so frustrated and felt such a desire to injure myself just to feel better. I really needed instant relief at that point so rather than injuring myself I decide to hop on the treadmill while the computer is running the restoration program.

I set the treadmill on incline and start it at a rather high speed to get all that negativity. It took a good half hour on the treadmill to get all those emotions out, to get to a place where I no longer felt the need to injure myself.

I was lucky in this situation because I was able to fix my computer and able to let the negativity out without injuring myself but I wonder what happens when I can't easily control the situation and focus that negativity elsewhere. At least here, I still had a lot of control.

What about situations that are far beyond my control, that's what scares me! What do normal people do in situations like this? It's going to take so much effort to get to a place where I can deal with situations that are both within and beyond my control.

I know there will be setbacks in my progress but I'm going to try my best to prevent them from happening. At this point that's all I can do, my best.

Lily Lambert No. 44

2006-04-02T16:39:00.000-06:00

I know how blessed I am and that for the most part I have never wanted for anything, for the most part!

That really can't be said about two certain toys that I was denied in my childhood - An Easy Bake Oven* and a Strawberry Shortcake Doll!

Oh sure, I had Strawberry Shortcake ornaments, glasses (remember when they sold glasses at Pizza Hut?), pillows, blankets and a few other things but never the doll!

Wait a second, I did have the miniature dolls which did smell like Strawberry Shortcake but that's not the same!

Denied! Shot down and I'm still quite bitter about it!

Ah sure, they still sell those things but it's just not the same. I mean really, the new Strawberry Shortcake is just plain creepy and she just doesn't smell the same!

Not that the original Strawberry Shortcake smelled of actual strawberries more like strawberry cotton candy but for us little girls of the 80's that still seek that scent but are looking for something that suits our now adult ages *sobs* that's where Lily Lambert No 44 comes in.

Described as: Lush, full bodied, this sexy fragrance has strawberry as its heart note, set like a jewel in a rich tapestry of blackberry, sage, and musk.

Lily Lambert No 44 is more of a naturally sweet strawberry scent. You know when you buy fresh strawberries that have that gorgeous candy red hue where the skin is so shiny you'd swear it was dipped in oil. This smells like the way those strawberries smell, a bright vibrant naturally sweetened scent.

The other notes are bit characters in the entire fragrance. Slightly more sage than the other notes but still rather subtle. At times, the blackberry was more evident but when it comes down to it, the strawberry is the diva in this fragrance!

Love it! Lily Lambert No 44 retails for $40/.35 oz and is available through B-glowing.

By the way, 25% off everything at B-glowing with code: instyle06

*If I wanted to bake a cake I can use a real oven now! Thank you very much! Seriously, were there any kids who had serious burns from baking a cake with a lightbulb?!?!?

Pick a Peck a Polkadots Rings

2006-04-02T16:13:00.000-06:00

Picture taken from Triplelle.etsy.com

These are the newest addition to my ring collection. I had been eyeing them for a while and scored a bargain last month when at the very last second I discovered that they were marked as buy one get one free for one day only!

What colors did I buy?

*rolls eyes*

All of them, of course!

At regular price, they are still quite the bargain!

$7 each at Etsy.

Will & Grace

2006-03-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight's episode of Will & Grace was the taping that my parents attended, the one with Britney Spears. This was taped back in February, the week of valentine's.

They got to stay at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel and because the day of the taping was changed at the last minute, they were there for an additional day.

They had a blast on the trip but mentioned that the taping took forever so it got annoying after a while.

Blame it on Britney!

Demeter Honeysuckle

2006-03-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Honeysuckle is one of those floral notes I always enjoy finding in other fragrances. Too often I find it paired up with other notes to make it sweeter than it needs to be so I was hoping that Demeter's version fulfill what I was looking for.

Described as: We wanted this to be the scent of driving by the honeysuckle in June. Honeysuckle 45mph? Our co-founder Christopher Gable remembers this from his childhood in the Princeton, NJ area (yes, there are beautiful honeysuckle strewn lawns in New Jersey!).

Botanically, honeysuckle is the common name for some members of the Caprifoliaceae, a family comprised mostly of vines and shrubs of the Northern Hemisphere, especially abundant in E Asia and E North America. One of the best-known North American species of the true honeysuckles (genus Lonicera) is the trumpet honeysuckle (L. sempervirens), an evergreen plant with fragrant, trumpet-shaped scarlet blossoms that forms the basis for the Demeter Fragrance Library honeysuckle.

Aromatherpists and Homeopathic practitioners believe that the essential oil of Honeysuckle is anti-microbial and works against salmonella, staphylococcus, and streptococcus, as well as an antibiotic against colds, flu's, fevers, sore throats, conjunctivitis and inflammations of the bowel, urinary tract and reproductive organs. At Demeter, we only guarantee the great smell.

Demeter's Honeysuckle has just the perfect balance of sweetness, I detect the smallest tinge of citrus in here. Overall it's really stunning and so true to the flower. One major drawback is that it's incredibly light, too light. I wore this out to dinner on Saturday on a night that wasn't too cool nor too warm. I sprayed myself at least eight times (which is far more than I usually spray), I even applied it in my hair and nobody could detect it on me.

It was far too soft until I took a shower that night, once the heat of the water warmed my skin the most glorious honeysuckle filled my nose. I think this would probably wear better on days where it's much warmer outside, late spring to early summer.

Demeter Honeysuckle retails for $19/1 oz.

WW: Blah, Blah, Blah!

2006-03-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

My weight stayed exactly the same this week - nothing gained, nothing lost. I did put in a lot of effort this week and maybe I could have put in a bit more, I really don't know. I still have over a week of the higher dosage of Synthroid left so my levels are still off until I start the new dosage and that could attribute to my not losing any weight this week. I'm going to put more effort this week as I want to see some change from this week to the next.

Weight Watchers gave me the usual message:
It's natural to have mixed feelings on these weeks when the scale remains the same. On one hand, you might be a little disappointed that you didn't lose weight, but on the other, you're just thankful that you haven't gained!

Blah, Blah, Blah!

SI Report: It's taken a long time to get to the point where I'm able to talk about being a self injurer. My decision to not keep it a secret came three years ago when I was first diagnosed with Graves which in so many ways, was the lowest point in my life. For a long time there I refused to put up a fight for my life but when I got to that absolute low, it was up to me to give up then and there or make a change and be the absolute best I can be.

It was and still is so hard to talk, especially given the fact that there are so many misunderstandings about it. Self injury has been my coping mechanism for so long that I worry that I don't know any other way of dealing with issues. A negative coping mechanism certainly and one that so many people in my life have questioned how I could gain any relief from causing myself pain. That's a question that I sometimes find hard to answer but I wonder how different it is as opposed to those who use other negative coping mechanisms to deal with issues, such as drinking excessively and the like. Such a different way to numb the pain, still negative but somewhat more acceptable in our society.

Because I've been able to talk about it more freely so many people assumed that I stopped injuring myself which wasn't and still isn't the case. It's been over a month now since I last injured myself but it's something I am faced with every day.

Sometimes it's a specific situation that will cause me to injure myself and sometimes it's a build up of different situations. For me, it feels like a ball of fire within my soul, contently building and each negative situation makes it stronger and stronger until it explodes. Once it explodes it feels like my world is falling apart, I'm falling apart and in that moment I need to let all the negativity out of my body. So, I injure myself to let go of all that pain and immediately after I've done so I feel instantly better. This weekend, a new friend and fellow self-injurer reached out to me she pointed out this article and brought up the fact that endorphins are released when we injure ourselves.

Sadly, it's a temporary solution for a permanent problem. Afterward, not only do you have to deal with the fact that you've repeated the cycle once again but you also have to go though the process of healing your body as well. I injure mostly the areas of my body that can be hidden from plain view as it's such a mark of shame but there are instances where I've gone so over the top that my injuries are in plain view of everyone that I can't hide them.

So much shame, too much shame that I need to be free of it all. Talking about it for me helps so much, it's one step in slowly taking back my life. I truly believe that it's never to late too become the person you always wanted to be. I'm slowly gaining ground there and taking back my life because I'm worth it.

Aqaba Spring

2006-03-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

Taken from Miriam Mirani's Aqaba website.

If I could have re-chosen my signature 2005 autumn fragrance I would have chosen the original Aqaba as I wore that far more often than I did my original choice of Nanadebary Bronze.

Aqaba never seems to fail me and the more I wear it, the more I love it which got me to thinking, maybe I'd like Aqaba Spring just as much.

Aqaba Spring is described as: An exquisite, fresh experience, in fields of flowers. Top notes evoke a gentle breeze of Mandarin Orange with flower buds of Black Currants and biblical Cinnamon; as middle notes of nightblooming Egyptian Jasmine blend with multitudes of the Queen of Flowers: Roses of Damask, Morroc and Turkish Rose. Flowers of Peach and Apricot flow into a long-lasting dry-down of clove-pink buds and Vanilla-Bourbon.

It opens up with a burst of spiciness but after time reveals the floral and fruity notes. There is a sweetness to this fragrance but I wouldn't really classify it as a sweet fragrance as the scent really changes as the day goes on. The most predominant floral note on me is the jasmine and the dry down is a pale fruity scent.

Layers, it's all about the layers! Out here, early spring is a transitional season. Early in the morning and late at night, it's still relatively cold so you have to dress in layers. You'll want to skip the coat or the long sleeve shirts because by mid-morning, you're sweating your ass off.

That's where Aqaba Spring is perfect as it's a layered fragrance that changes as the day goes on. It doesn't hurt that the lasting power is quite strong on me.

Aqaba Spring retails for $125/3.3 oz, $85/1.7 oz. or $55/1 oz. and is available direct through the Aqaba website or LuckyScent

Happy Spring!

2006-03-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring!

I have a lot of goals for Spring - A LOT!

I want to be more organized this season and want to start up things I didn't quite finish, mainly learning how to knit and starting up on the guitar. Baby steps, baby steps! Come late spring I have a major/minor goal that I'm hoping to attempt.

I have a bit of a black thumb when it comes to gardening and the only things that I don't seem to kill are herbs. Last year I didn't plant anything and none of my herbs came back so I had an herbless summer! Not to be confused with a cruel summer. I'm going to try to plant some herbs this weekend, hopefully they'll grow!

Last spring, I chose Serge Lutens' A La Nuit as my signature spring fragrance. It was rather lovely and will always be associated with Spring 2005. I've done rather well with my other choices: Summer 2005 - SMN Melograno and Winter 2005: Parfums Delrae Bois de Paradis.

My autumn choice of Nanandebary Bronze was a hasty one as it didn't call to me as my previous ones did so I thought long and hard about my signature 2006 Spring fragrance and settled on.....Aqaba Spring!

Yay, Aqaba Spring!

As far as color goes, I'm feeling a pale purple for this season. It seems like such a wuss color but I'm seeing it everywhere and loving it! I think I need a pale purple scarf and some pale purple rings!

Here's hoping that this spring is filled with only beautiful things for everyone!

Speaking of beautiful things:

Gyllenhaal, Clooney, Hoffman, Ledger and Phoenix at the 2006 Oscars.

WW: The part of Atreau will now be portrayed by ???

2006-03-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm so disappointed in myself, from this week to last I gained a pound. The past three weeks I haven't been paying attention to my intake and have been rather lax on exercising. I turned things around this week and have exercised every day so far.

As a kid I watched a lot of soap operas and when they'd replace a character with another actor they'd announce "The part of _______ will now be portrayed by __________." before the scene where they introduced that actor to the show.

Why can't that happen in real life, where someone takes over for a bit while you get things in order? I feel like I've fallen backwards these past three weeks and it's going to take some time to catch up.

Anyhow, this is what Weight Watchers had to say on the matter:
GREAT JOB for logging your weight! We notice that you've gained a little this week. You should know that gaining weight every now and then is a natural part of the weight-loss journey.

In other news, my sister read on here the whole admission to my not being tested for Thalassemia. She was going over the symptoms and got me freaking out because I exhibit some of those symptoms.

Then again, my sister is a bit of a hypochondriac and has a tendency to believe she's got every illness known (and a few unknown) to man. Then, she tries to get others to believe they too have the same illnesses.

Self Injury (SI) Report:

Last week wasn't too bad until Friday came along. On Friday I was incredibly frustrated over relatively minor situations and while the desire (probably not the right word) to hurt myself was rather high, I didn't give into the trigger(s).

It was really hard because I've been trying to apply breathe therapy any time the desire to injure myself arises. And for the most part it works, for minor issues. It's when major things arise or a compound of minor things builds up, when it fails to help me. That's what I need to work on more.

How SI has affected my family:

I was five the first time I was caught injuring myself. My mom would fix my hair in the morning and one particular morning I hated how she fixed it (I always hated how she fixed it) so I started messing it up and yanking on it, then I started punching myself in the stomach and that was when she caught me (my mom) and she said "What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Do you want us to spank you?"

Thing is after I injure myself, it's like I'm fine (again not the right word) because afterwards the negative energy is out of my body. Sometimes its a series of injuries that builds up to that point but once it's out, I feel better.

So, I remember feeling fine after I was caught. I mean, I acted like nothing had happened and went on to school but kept it "secret" after that incidence.

Problem was that it wasn't a secret, my family knew about it but it was never talked about. I think my parents expected me to grow out of this behavior. You know how toddlers throw themselves on the floor when they don't get what they want? Well, they expected me to grow out of this behavior after adolescence. In all honesty, my mom is still waiting for me to grow out of it. She sees me as an overdramatic drama queen - which I won't deny, as I am for certain things - but SI is one thing that you don't just grow out of.

There wasn't much known about SI when I was little, I was in high school the first time I had ever heard about cutters and that was when I realized that I wasn't alone. Only within the last three years have I decided to be more vocal about my issues with SI.

Recently, my dad has mentioned his regret in not having sought out help for me in my childhood but like I said, so little was known about it that I'm not sure if it could have made a difference. The one person I've been incredibly open about my SI is my sister. We talk about it in some detail, what happened and why mainly.

I think my family feels that I'm angry at them for not getting me help but the truth is I'm angry at myself for having let both my issues (weight and SI) to control my life.

I always thought that it was my secret issue to deal with but I've come to realize how much it's affected my family. I feel like the most selfish person in the world because of my issues with SI and as a result, I try to over compensate for being such a failure as a person.

V'Tae Sacred Fire Eau de Parfum

2006-03-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

V'Tae Sacred Fire is described as:

The fire of desire sets your spirits free in one of our most popular, provocative scents. A magical mix of essential oils, resins, & balsams. (Sacred Fire fused amber (made with labdanum, rose, jasmine, strayx & vanilla) with sandalwood, davana, rare osmanthus, frankincense, Himalayan cedar, & coriander). The result is a fragrance, old as time, yet sophisticated, contemorary & confident!

I ordered V'Tae Sacred Fire Eau de Parfum unsniffed based reviews from fellow Piment et Chocolat lovers as they mentioned that the two smelled similar.

How similar do they smell?

Well, Sacred Fire isn't an exact replica of Piment et Chocolat rather, Sacred Fire smells a lot like the drydown of Piment et Chocolat. If you strip off the chocolate and the chile spices from Piment et Chocolat, that's what Sacred Fire smells like.

I guess it could be described as a spicy amber that's sweetenend with vanilla but there's more.

For years now I've searched for a fragrance that smells like the air outside when people burn cedar firewood. I can't pinpoint it and maybe it's the mixture of incense and cedar but I swear I can smell a bit of smoky cedar firewood in here. At times throughout the day I could detect a very soft jasmine in here.

One major drawback is that Sacred Fire starts off incredibly strong but dries down relatively fast.

Sacred Fire retails for $25/2 oz. but you can order it for $15 through the Amazon link for Vitaminlife.com.

Oy, my hair!

2006-03-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

I have the dullest hair in the world, dirt has more shine than my hair does!

When a box of Clairol Natural Instincts Shine Happy arrived two weeks ago I hoped it would be the answer to hairy issues. It's applied to damp hair and you apply it as you would hair color, leave on for 20 minutes and rinse it out.

Does it work?

Well, it left some shine and left my hair silky soft but it also stripped off my last hair color application. Before my last color application I had colored it black and you can't die over black so my naturally dark brown hair turned red but only on the sections that had not been colored black.

Needless to say I was frustrated but walked around with my tri-color hair that was very soft and semi-shiny for a week until I couldn't take it anymore!

Sunday night I decide to do something radical and chop it off into a bob. I was in college the first time I cut it in a bob and while I thought I looked ultra chic, my sister said I looked like George Washington.

Fine, whatever! Not to mention that I have Buddha hair! My hair is so thin that if you look at me directly and I have my chin pointed down a bit - I look like Buddha!

Still, in my mind I'm sure I can somehow look like Faye Dunaway as Bonnie and make it work.

Mind you, I have no experience in cutting my own hair but start hacking away at it anyhow. It's totally uneven and the more I cut, the more uneven it is! My hair is just one big choppy mess and instead of looking all Bonniesque I end up looking like Shaggy from Scooby Doo!

Monday morning I woke up half hoping it was a dream but it wasn't and I'm stuck with my Shaggy Buddha hair for a while.

Ah, it's only hair and it'll grow back!

Before I was diagnosed with Graves the majority of my hair fell out and I looked like a balding Billy Ray Cyrus with the mullet, so my Shaggy Buddha hair is still better than that look!

On the other hand, Achy Breaky Heart is long overdue for a comeback!

WW: Where I'm at and what I'm dealing with.

2006-03-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

*Bummer of a check-in so please skip if you're vulnerable to sadness*

From last week to this one I gained 1.2 lbs! I'm not sure if it's because of the cookie binge I went on lathe week before, if it's because my thyroid is wonky or if it's something else. I exercised five out of the seven days and stuck to my points so there wasn't a reason to gain any weight this week.

This past week I went in for my three month check up, I had gone in for bloodwork two weeks ago and once again my levels are too high! I was on Sythroid 125 and recently refilled my prescription so I have to alternate between a full and a half tablet every other day and once those run out I'll then be on Synthroid 112. The good news is that my levels aren't as high as they were last time and I don't have to go back for another six months! Progress baby!

The bad news, I wasn't tested for thalassemia (genetic anemia that my mom & sister have). My sister asked me if I had been tested for it and I lied and told her I forgot. The truth was I didn't forget! I've just been incredibly stressed lately and am not in a place where I could deal with the possibly bad news, mainly because I'm not quite ready to move on to the second phase of this whole movement process.

In all honesty, it's not that bad of an issue and thalassemia isn't a life threatening disease but I just didn't want to know my status right now.

Seriously, my inability to be tested for it challenges this whole movement in my life that I'm trying to attempt. I am such a wuss! I am incredibly disappointed in myself but will make sure I'm tested for it at the next checkup.

The phase 2 process of this whole movement thing is dealing with my self-injury which I've mentioned here before and talked about a bit on Trina's blog. It's an incredibly painful issue to discuss and certainly one that I'd like to avoid all together but I've come to realize that I'm doing more damage holding these emotions in.

Today's episode of Oprah goes into detail about one woman's struggle with self injury. I've seen this issue before and found it far too painful to watch as I recognize so much of myself in that woman's behavior. There is one scene where she says "One more time and I'll be fine." I've been there so many times and have spoken those exact words.

Avoidance will not make the problem go away, I know that. In so many ways I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to deal with these all these issues, both why I became a self injurer and how I've allowed self-injury to consume my life.

So, that's where I'm at and what I'm dealing with.

Twenty minutes ago

2006-03-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

Twenty minutes ago I thought cutting my own hair was a great idea!

BIG MISTAKE!

Winter Blues

2006-03-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

*scarf purchased through Laura's Knittage, Toys, and Other Joys which was hand knitted by Laura Su who is also a freelance illustrator and jewelry designer.*

I was in a serious need of a pick me up last week and ordered this True Blue Dream of Sky scarf.

Friday morning I was angry at myself because I lost over $50 worth of credit on iTunes.

I am such an ass, I thought the credit expired on March 31st - wrong! The gift certificate expired on THE FIRST of March!

Why doesn't iTunes give you a heads up e-mail or something as to when it expires?!?! Ugh!!!

I swear, sometimes I'm such a freakin' moron!

So, I was all upset over that but it was my own stupidity which caused it so I couldn't be mad at anyone else but myself.

Fine, whatever!

So, I was ready to wallow in my self pity once again when by magic my True Blue Dream of Sky scarf arrived!

Yay! Right?

No! The last couple of days it's been freakin' over 80° so Ihaven't even worn the scarf!

I had a serious case of the winter blues!

I re-named my scarf WINTER BLUES because it was still winter and I couldn't wear it!

Come yesterday where I won a $10 gift certificate to iTunes! *which I'm going to redeem before it expires, thank you very much*

Then today all the sudden out of the BLUE *winks* a cold front moved in! It's going to stick around for a week!

For a whole week I get to wear my scarf!

Things are looking up!

Up like the sky which happens to be...

BLUE!

What's Your Bag, Baby?

2006-03-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Grace Kelly at the Academy Awards
Grace Kelly attends the 28th annual Academy Awards ceremony in her final appearance before leaving Hollywood to marry Prince Rainier of Monaco. Kelly, who won the Best Actress Oscar last year, will present the Best Actor Oscar at the ceremony. Image: © Bettmann/CORBIS Date Photographed: March 22, 1956

The dress, the dress, the dress!

But what about the bags?

Kiera Knightly

Karolina Kurkova

Salma Hayek

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Jennifer Aniston

Judi Dench

Diane Kruger

Jane Seymour

Bahar Soomekh

Naomi Watts

Terrence Howard

Taraji P. Henson

Helena Bonham-Carter

Ziyi Zhang

Nicole Kidman

Michelle Williams

Jennifer Jason Leigh

WW: The child of Jabba & Cookie Monster

2006-03-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

I like guarantees in life! I like things to be an exact way! I expect to receive specific outcomes everytime I put in so much effort!

I don't understand how there are weeks that I lose miniscule amounts or even nothing. Those are the weeks where I'm busting my ass accounting for every single piece of food that I eat or I'm sobbing through an entire workout because I can't take it anymore!

I didn't eat too badly this past week minus the fact that I did happen to eat a fair share of Girl Scout Cookies. Add on to that the fact that I only logged in one hour on the treadmill the entire week! I don't understand how it happened but somehow I lost exactly two pounds this week!

Seriously, how is it possible when I turned into evil demented child of Cookie Monster and Jabba the Hutt I lose two pounds!

I got the same usual message when I logged in my weight:

WAY TO GO! Congratulations for losing weight this week. We hope you're thrilled with the result. Here's a quote by Aristotle that we thought might strike a chord with you: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."

Keep practicing your excellence and have a great week

I don't get it!?!?! I seriously don't get it and this aggravates the hell out of me!

A new week, a change to right all wrongs and do better than last week. Watch me gain four back by busting my ass on the treadmill!

2006 Academy Awards

2006-03-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

On this Oscar night I didn't hear anyone ask what fragrance the stars were wearing! This drama queen had on Maybe Baby as the weather is getting a bit warm.

I was rather disappointed in the choice of gowns on the runway tonight but these were my favorites:

I must admit I didn't like Reese's dress on television, the lights made it rather pale and seem almost colorless. The pictures however brought out so much of the colors and detail. Gorgeous dress and it fit her beautifully! Her earrings were so perfect, flawless makeup and I loved her hair! Perfect gown to accept and Oscar in!

Salma! I love Salma! I think this dress was televised better than it was photographed on the red carpet. She's rather short and has a very curvaceous figure, very non-hollywood who always looks incredible on the red carpet. Love everything: the hair, makeup, color and style of the dress. To top things off, she's got a great personality and is incredibly humble - very non-hollywood indeed!

I like Keira Knightley, she seems rather grounded and has a brilliant future ahead of her. I loved her gown, especially loved the design and fit of the gown. The color seemed a bit too dark on television, I thought it was a chocolate brown color at first. . Once I saw the photographs of it I loved the gown even more! And that necklace! OMG, that necklace is AMAZING!

The one thing that really bothered me was her makeup, seems like her foundation and/or powder were slightly lighter in comparison to the rest of her skin. It may just have been the lighting as it's not as noticeable in other pictures. I loved the rest of her makeup, smoky eyes look really good on her.

I can't believe that Michelle Williams had a baby recently! *sobs* Life is so unfair! She looks incredible, that gown is fabulous and fits her beautifully! Great choice of color! I loved her makeup, especially the lashes.

I loved her necklace! Not as nice as Kiera's, but still fabulous!

"George Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style" - Said by Carrie on Sex and the City

My two favorite nominees in one picture!

I love Dolly so much it hurts! She was robbed! I wonder if Dolly would have won had she sung about how hard it is to be a pimp?

Come on, she pimps books people!

The future Mr. Atreau working the red carpet!

George Clooney's been my oldest hollywood boyfriend, loved him since his E/R & Facts of Life days!

Sexiest Man Alive indeed! Didn't think I could love him anymore until his speech tonight. *swoons and faints* So glad that he won!

I think Wonder Woman & Batman make a perfect match! ♥

Spice up your life!

2006-03-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

The one party that's no fun to attend is a pity party!

Instead of reaching for Origins Ginger Essence, my usual feel good fragrance. I chose to go out in All Out Ginger Mode!

The Gingerbread Man Showergel & Bubblebath $18/16 oz.

I just love Philosophy showergels! They are a real treat to use after a hard workout so I was more than pleased when this contest win which arrived two weeks ago.

This smells very similar to Origins Ginger Burst with a slightly more citrusy scent. While Ginger Burst leaves me slightly more moisturized, Gingerbread Man Showergel retails for almost half the price for double the product.

I wouldn't hesitate to replace this bottle once I run out!

Gingerbread Man Salt Scrub $25/20 oz.

If you love Origins Ginger Body Scrub, you'd love this product as both smell very similar. I have two main issues with Origins Ginger Body Scrub, the first one being that it comes packaged in a glass container. While the glass container looks pretty, it's not really feasible and it's rather unsafe in the bath/shower.

The second issue I have with Origins Ginger Body Scrub is that it's incredibly oily! Unless you love falling in the shower (which I've done on a number of occasions) this isn't an ideal product. Not only does it leave an oily film in your tub but also on your skin, yuck!

Never fear, Philosophy's Gingerbread Man comes packaged in a plastic container and is oil free!

The Gingerbread Man Body Soufflé $15/3.5 oz.

The rest of Philosophy's Gingerbread Man line seems to meet or exceed that of Origins Ginger line except when it comes to body soufflé!

Origins Ginger Soufflé is one of my absolute favorite products on the market. If I were forced to use only ten products out of my entire collection, this would be one of them!

Philosophy's Gingerbread Man Soufflé has a lot more citrus than Origins Ginger soufflé but it seems to be mixed along with a bit of a sour milk scent. Granted the scent of Philosophy's Gingerbread Man Soufflé does get slightly better in time.

I don't know if Gingerbread Man Soufflé is currently discontinued but I saw it packaged along with the other products in the Gingerbread Man line during the holiday season.

BPAL Gingerbread Poppet $16/ 5 ml

I ordered Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab's "BPAL" Gingerbread Poppet unsniffed back in December which was part of the limited edition Yule line. Described on the site as: Warm, cozy gingerbread spiced with nutmeg, clove and cinnamon.

Sounds wonderful right? In the bottle it really is but things change once it's on the skin.

While the spice is there, it's much sweeter than I expected. Wearing it, I feel like a walking Yankee Candle. Not necessarily a bad thing but it isn't what I was going for!

I don't regret purchasing this but don't think I'd replace it as I think this would work out much better as a room fragrance.

Spice World $8.99

You can't go into All Out Ginger Mode without watching the critically acclaimed Spice World which features Geri Halliwell better known as "Ginger Spice."

As much as I try, I can't stay depressed while watching Spice World! Sometimes it does require multiple viewings but in the end, it's an automatic guarantee to feeling much better!

"When you are feeling, sad and low,

We will take it, we gotta go,

Smiling dancing, everything is free,

All you need is positivity,

Colors of the world, Spice up your life,

Every boy and every girl, Spice up your life,

People of the world, Spice up your life,

Ahhhhhhh!"

WW: You cannot find peace by avoiding life.

2006-03-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

I've been into major avoidance mode lately because I've been feeling rather stressed.

Part of me is so incredibly super excited to be at this point where I'm down fifty! I feel unstoppable, indestructible and a little like going up to strangers and saying "Don't touch me because baby, I'm on fire!" I'm walking around with my head in the clouds because I'm open and ready for what happens next.

The other part of me is hardcore freaking out! I'm so disappointed as I feel like it's taken me forever to get to this point! I keep thinking that I should know better by now, like I should instantly be able to tell the difference with food measurements and know how many points each item contains. I still have so much to work on and it seems like it's too much. I feel like my soul is black and my heart is empty. That I'm never going to have control over any of this and I can't handle it - any of it! Ugh! Seriously, what happens next?

I only lost .2 lbs this week which is nearly nothing and here's what Weight Watchers said on the matter:

If you're feeling a little neutral about your weight-loss result, here's a little fact to make you smile: The rate you`re losing weight at is considered to be very safe and healthy. So you're seeing success! You're doing the right thing.

Remember this anonymous saying this week: "Feel pride in how far you've come and confidence in where you're going."

I know that I'm just being a major drama queen and all out big baby about the situation and in all honesty my dilemma is so incredibly minor compared to others but it's still MY dilemma!

And MY dilemma still has to be dealt with by ME!

*sobs* I just feel like I can't handle this anymore and I'm not quite ready to move onto the next step. I know that I have to move on, and deep in my heart I know that things will be better for me once I move on but I'm not ready for it!

It's times like this where where I get into avoidance mode and want to pause time until I'm ready to move on. Then I focus on a specific quote from The Hours "You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Ready or not, here is where I take another step toward finding my peace.

Barneys 2006 gift with purchase.

2006-02-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

Naturally, my three favorite words in the English language are: Gift With Purchase! Especially when it comes to Barneys Gift With Purchase!

The amount needed to be spent to qualify for the gift with purchase was bumped up this season by $25 for a total of $150.

I had already planned on purchasing Regina Harris and threw in Kiehl's Creme de Corps in typical Becky Bloomwood fashion to qualify for the giftbag.

And what a giftbag it is!

But what came inside?

- Acqua Di Parma Colonia sample
- Annick Goutal Eau d’Hadrien sample
- Anthony Logistics For Men Citrus Lip Balm
- Anthony Logistics For Men Body Cleansing Gel (2 fl. oz./60 ml.)
- Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge in Summer Tan
- by Terry Silky Eye Shadow in Smoked Amber
- Caudalie Nourishing Treatment for Body sample (1 fl. oz./30 ml.)
- Chantecaille Retinol Hand Cream sample (.24 oz./7 ml)
- Clarins One-Step Gentle Exfoliating Cleanser sample (20 ml/.69 oz.)
- Cle de Peau Enriched Protective Emulsion sample (4 ml/.13 fl. oz.)
- Costume National Scent Gloss sample
- Fresh Pink Jasmine body cream & fragrance sample
- Giorgio Armani Sensi sample (5ml/.17 fl. oz.)
- Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk foundation 5 sample (5ml/.17 fl. oz.)
- Giorgio Armani Fluid Sheer 7 sample (5ml/.17 fl. oz.)
- Hermes Un Jardin Sur Le Nil sample
- Jonathan Product Shampoo Theory Moisturizing Shampoo sample (9 ml.)
- Kai sample
- Kanebo International 1B Moisture Polish Essence sample (.27 fl. oz./8 ml.)
- Kiehl’s Crème with Silk Groom sample (1 fl. oz./30 ml.)
- L’Artisan Parfumeur Piment Brulant sample
- Malin and Goetz Face Moisturizer sample (1 fl. oz./30 ml.)
- Molton Brown Seamoss Stress-Relieving Hydrosoak (bath salts) sample (50 g.)
- NARS lipstick in Lolita
- Natura Bisse Diamond Extreme Cream (0.5 oz)
- Odile Lecoin OR, j’aime Moisturizing Protection with Vitamin E sample (4 ml.)
- ReVive Moisturizing Renewal Cream sample (.25 oz.)- ReVive Serum Protectif sample (.2 fl. oz./6 ml)
- Sally Hershberger Face Place Supreme Night Cream sample (.1 fl. oz/3 ml.)
- Shiseido Benefiance Wrinkle Lifting Concentrate sample (6 ml.)
- Shu Uemura Depsea Therapy Moisture Recovery Emulsion sample (0.1 fl. oz.)
- Shu Uemura High Performance Balancing Cleansing Oil sample packet
- Stila Lipglaze in Banana
- Sue Devitt Automatic Camouflage Concealer in Tanami
- Sue Devitt Microquatic Anti-Aging Facial Concentrate sample (.3 ml/.1 fl. oz.)
- Sue Devitt Microquatic Fortifying Primer sample (.3 ml/.1 fl. oz.)
- Sue Devitt Microquatic Anti-Aging Eye Concentrate sample (.3 ml/.1 fl. oz.)
- Tocca Laundry Delicate Stella sample (2 fl. oz.)
- Vincent Longo Lipgloss in Rosa Bianca
- YSL plastic pouch containing:
- YSL Lisse Expert Advanced Eye and Lip Intensive -Anti-Wrinkle Care sample (.1 fl oz.)
- YSL Lisse Expert Advanced Intensive Anti-Wrinkle Serum sample(.1 fl oz.)
- YSL Lisse Expert Advanced Intensive Anti-Wrinkle Crème sample (.1 fl oz.)

Oooh, Regina Harris! I thought the bottle would be smaller for some reason. I'm so happy to add this to my collection!

WW: World's Slowest Weight Loss

2006-02-20T20:08:00.000-07:00

Last week's weigh-in filled me with so much furor that I was determined to lose something this week so I stuck to my points, exercised five out of the seven days and did not dip into my weekly points. How much did I lose?

An even two pounds, which was my main goal for this week's weigh-in. This is what Weight Watchers said on the matter:

YOU ROCK! CONGRATULATIONS! You've just reached your 50-pound milestone!

How does life feel 50 pounds lighter? What things are you able to do now that you couldn't do before? Have you tried on some of your old clothes? Perhaps there are outfits that you can now slip into that you haven't worn in years. Try them on! Treat yourself to some fun. Here's a tip: Now that your weight loss is so visible, people are likely to be paying you compliments by the bucket load. Instead of shying away when someone says you're looking fantastic, try these two simple words: "Thank you!"

Good luck this week! We hope you have a ball celebrating your success.

Yeah, yeah, whatever! So, I got a different message this week and they still shaft me a quote! Bastards!

Ok, a milestone but I'm not yet at my goal! *sobs* Seriously, do I get a special award for the world's slowest weight loss? I really expected to be a bit farther along at this point.

At least I'm losing something, this time last year I was at my heaviest weight ever! This week marks the third year since I've been diagnosed with Graves which made my weight plummet before diagnosis and then post iodine radiation I ended up gaining a whole hell of a lot of weight! Compile that with an already fat person and you've got a major problem!

Ugh, this is such a struggle but I'm starting to feel a bit more in control of my body now. I can't celebrate too much, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done!

Serge Lutens Gris Clair

2006-02-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

U.S. figure skater Michelle Kwan performs in an exhibition program. Kwan received the bronze medal in the women's individual event at the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. © Neal Preston/CORBIS

I've been a huge figure skating fan since I was little. I'm talking about back in the day before Vera Wang starting with the wedding dresses. So, naturally I have been a huge fan of Michelle Kwan for a really long time!

On Sunday it broke my heart when it was announced that she was withdrawing from the Olympics due to injury. I was so sad for her and started crying, sucked it up a bit and was okay for a while until they showed the footage of her exhibition program from the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, the one where she skated to Eva Cassidy's version of Fields of Gold.

Ah, I started crying again! That was one of my favorite programs ever and I couldn't stop with the waterworks after that performance back in 2002. It still moves me to this day! Seriously, I hear that song and instantly my heart sinks!

Needless to say I needed a comforting fragrance and settled on the sample of Serge Lutens' Gris Clair so generously sent to me by Miss. Trina "Queen of animals and manimals."

Gris Clair is primarily a lavender fragrance and lavender is used in aromatherapy for relaxation purposes so it was a perfect choice.

When I first applied it I thought I had made a huge mistake as it was so incredibly strong and somewhat medicinal on me. It dried down a bit and was semi-strong which I could deal with until it started to smell rather masculine on me.

Now, I don't mind wearing masculine fragrances from time to time and really all fragrances are generally unisex so this isn't really an issue for me. But this wasn't a typical masculine fragrance and I was starting to smell like a man - not to say that men smell - but this was NOT smelling good on me at all! And I'm not talking a George Clooney man either, I'm talking about what you'd think one of the characters on The Sopranos would smell like! Along with the lavender, I was smelling rather smoky, woody which I normally love but this was just awful.

So here I'm crying over Kwan, smelling like a man and out of nowhere I get a massive muscle spasm in my right leg. I wanted the day to be over with! I ended up taking a nap and when I woke up, I had semi-accepted the Kwan situation, my leg felt better and I was smelling spectacular!

It's all about the dry down baby! Gris Clair is stunning on the drydown! That evil man smell went away and was replaced by something beautiful. It was really cold Sunday night and I was wearing my blue scarf which still smells like Gris Clair. It's a shame that the top and middle notes suck so much on me as on the drydown, it's magnificent! I'm quite iffy to declare this full bottle worthy based on that, perhaps a decant will do.

Gris Clair is due to hit the market next month and will retail for $92 I believe.

Days later, the memory of Gris Clair still haunts me, like Kwan's Fields of Gold performance. I'm still so very sad about Kwan, I really wanted her to get her gold metal! Still, I'm so proud of her! She is all class, not only the way she handled this situation but her entire skating career! Brava Michelle!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2006-02-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

I like Valentine's Day, I really do. Any holiday which has pink as a major color can't really be that bad, but it kinda sucks being single on Valentine's Day!

That being said, I just want to declare that on Valentine's Day 2006 I got roses, chocolates and hot sex! It's true!

Check it out:

Inside the basket is:
All About Me and All About Us by Philipp Keel, The Hot Sex Handbook by Tracey Cox, Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda and Valentine's Day Is Killing Me by MaryJanice Davidson, Leslie Esdaile and Susanna Carr.

Also included: some irresistible Valentine's Day goodies --- a red heart-shaped candle from Illuminations; pink, white and red roses that are mineral bath salts; a heart-decorated picture frame; Lucky Lovers Message Dice; a red comfy pillow and Godiva heart-shaped candies in a heart-shaped box.

This wasn't sent to me by anyone who loves me, it was a contest win through Bookreporter.com. At least I got something on Valentine's Day!

WW: Mashmallow Man

2006-02-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ugh, last week was such a tough week as I had major PMS and had massive water retention. I was starting to look and feel like the Marshmallow Man. Which got me to thinking, you know that commercial for OnStar vehicle diagnostics?

Well, why can't they invent a uterus diagnostic program where every month you get an e-mail informing you that your egg wasn't fertilized and all that jazz instead of going through the entire cycle. Seriously!

I ate well this past week but didn't feel much like exercising. I did get on the treadmill for an hour mid-week and did a two hour workout yesterday morning but it wasn't enough to make the scale move, I lost nothing this week! Here is what Weight Watchers has to say on the matter:

It's natural to have mixed feelings on these weeks when the scale remains the same. On one hand, you might be a little disappointed that you didn't lose weight, but on the other, you're just thankful that you haven't gained!

Either way, simply focus your energy on making this coming week a losing one.

I'm only slightly frustrated as I didn't do all I could this week. Sunday morning I felt less than motivated and really didn't want to hit the treadmill so I decided to download an audiobook via iTunes. I could have gone with something that really makes me think but decided instead to listen to pure fluff and downloaded Kyra Davis' Sex, Murder And A Double Latte.

This will be the perfect alternative as I get so bored sometimes of watching tv/movies or listening to music. I'm going to only allow myself to listen to audiobooks while I'm on the treadmill so that'll force me to exercise! Brilliant, sometimes I'm a freakin' genius!

Ipitythefool ring

2006-02-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ipitythefool ring photographed with a mini bottle of Lulu Guinness.

A few days ago I ordered this Amethyst Double Jali Ring from Overstock.com, I really wasn't sure if I'd like it or not but couldn't wait for it to arrive.

And arrive it did! This ring is HUGE! This ring walks in the room ten minutes before I do! Seriously, this ring is almost as big as a bottle of Lulu Guinness!

I didn't read the measurements of the ring before purchasing it and was expecting something much smaller. This ring is so incredibly garish that I'd be a fool not to wear it!

This ring also serves a purpose as it's rather heavy and can easily be transformed into a weapon. I somehow doubt I'd ever have to use it as such as once people see me wearing this ring they know that I'm out to kick some ass.

I pity the fool who messes with the girl wearing this ring! I pity the fool!

Upon this ring I bestow the name: Ipitythefool.

BPAL Snow Moon

2006-02-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Do my pictures suck or what?

My Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (BPAL) order arrived about a month ago but I haven't really been much in the testing mood. I couldn't decide what to wear this afternoon and reached my bottle of Snow Moon.

Snow moon was sold for 24 hours on November 15th 2005 and was described as: In December, the skeletal, ice-rimmed fingers of winter take hold, and the nights are long, chill and dark. The first flurries of snow touch the land, and the earth itself becomes quiet. A scent of purity and silence, soft with falling snow, as dark as Midwinter: an icy flurry over the winter blooms of narcissus, pansy crocus, dahlia, tulip, chrysanthemum and white rose, with a hint of fir and birch.

It starts off with a powerful evergreen fragrance. I happen to be addicted to the smell of evergreens, as a kid I used to rub my hands on the pine sap from the trees on my school campus. A floral bouquet comes softly through the evergreen scent with the chrysanthemum being the most evident floral. It's the chrysanthemum from BPAL's Harvest Moon that really draws me in so I'm really loving this fragrance!

The staying power is fair, you'd think at first that a little goes a long way but after a while it starts to fade fast. When I exercise, I remove the fragrance I'm wearing most of the time as the scent can become irritating or overwhelming but kept this one on and it didn't bother me at all. It's a very fresh scent that's perfect for this time of year.

As it was a limited fragrance, it's no longer available for purchase but can be found on Ebay!

Rainbow Bridge: For Astro and his beloved Barbara

2006-02-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

My friend Barbara had to let go of her beloved dog Astro on Monday.

I never had the pleasure to be in Astro's presence but often read about what a wonderful animal Astro was on MakeupAlley "MUA". He was a cancer survivor and a patriot who reminded us on MUA to vote during the 2004 Presidential election. He was beyond adorable and a certain flair for life just like his human!

Astro was Barbara's mostly companion who provided her with love and constant comfort up until the very end. Barbara wrote a beautiful post on her blog today entitled A Letter to Astro.

♥ I am so very sorry for your loss Barbara. ♥

Rainbow Bridge.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown

Gone Pay It Forward: DRIV3R Gone

2006-02-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Remember that movie Pay It Forward where people do favors for one another and instead of having the favor returned they...wait for it....pay it forward?

Well my darlings, I'm needing to pay it forward and in order to do so I have this brand new and factory sealed copy of Driv3r for PlayStation2 up for grabs as long as you agree to.........pay it forward!

When you pay it forward, you're filled with warm fuzzies and have little hearts following you around. It doesn't hurt, I promise!

If you want more details about the game you can mosey on over to Amazon to get more details.

It's now spoken for and is going to Chrissy who's paying it forward with these stunning earrings: Daisy. Yay for paying it forward!

♥

WW: Bette Davis Eyes

2006-02-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

This past week I chose to eat more vegetarian dishes. Instead of making chicken fajitas which are for the most part rather light already, I chose to slice up onions, jalapenos and bell pepper and mixed them up with a little bit of my favorite Claude's Fajita Sauce. I cooked it with a tiny bit of oil which came out perfectly! In your face, chicken!

I didn't exercise as much as I could have this week as I was in a rather pissy mood all week (PMS will do that to you!) but I wasn't too worried as I ate really light all week.

So how did I do? 1.8 lbs down this week! Man, the year of the dog is starting off really great! Weight Watchers gave me the same typical message when I logged in my weight:

WAY TO GO! Congratulations for losing weight this week. We hope you're thrilled with the result. Here's a quote by Aristotle that we thought might strike a chord with you: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." Keep practicing your excellence and have a great week.

The same message over and over, how the hell is that supposed to motivate you?!?!

Know what still isn't setting in, the fact that I'm turning 30 this year. A few weeks ago I was complaining to my sister about how disappointed I was with how slow my weight loss progress was going (this was pre-year of the dog when all the sudden I got into turbo speed) and she has the gall to say "Well, you are getting older and your metabolism is slowing down. What the hell kind of shit is that? That's a bit like saying to me "Oh honey I'm so sorry you're feeling down but while since you're already feeling shitty let me slap you a bit!" Okay, okay it's not that extreme and she wasn't trying to be mean but you get my point.

Anyhow, later in the week I went out to dinner with my parents and we were listening to the "oldies" station where they play music of my parent's generation(50's, 60's and 70's you know). And all the sudden I start to hear Kim Carnes' Bette Davis Eyes and I say "What the hell, they're playing Bette Davis Eyes on the oldies station???" To which my Mom said 'Why, you got a problem with that?" So I respond with "Yeah as they're playing songs from my childhood on the oldies station!" Seriously, are the going to play NKOTB next?

That wasn't even the worst revelation of the week, I also found out that my Mom bought Michael Bublé's album from Hallmark!

Check this out: Put this CD in your loved one's car player and cue it to your favorite song. With the turn of the key, your Valentine will be serenaded into feeling starry-eyed all day.

Starry-eyed my ass! If someone put that in my car I'd have to take the keys and jam them in my ears to drown out the sound!

I bet this album is the real reason that all these celebrity couples are breaking up! How Bublérrible! When will this madness end?!?!

Probably once he covers Bette Davis Eyes!

Two ring circus

2006-02-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

Everything in moderation right?

I'm trying to keep my spending at a minimum and only buy what I really like as I'm sometimes swayed by sale prices and tend to impulse buy so I'm trying to use up the gift cards I have when I feel like shopping.

I felt like shopping today and since I had a $50 gift card to Overstock.com I decided to spend it on the following:

Sterling Silver Unisex Break Ring/$25.99

I liked the simplicity of this ring and that it has a brushed finish. This only came in one size so I hope it isn't too big on my finger but the fact that I have "man hands" means it'll probably fit!

Amethyst Double Jali Ring/$26.99

This was more of a last minute thing as I had set my eye on this Sterling Silver Filigree Ring and changed my mind at the last second to this one because I happen to love amethyst.

I'm not too sure about the design of the ring but it could be cuter in person? If you scroll down on the description to this one it says: Customers who bought this item often buy... and there is the picture of the Sterling Silver Unisex Break Ring.

I bet I was the only one who bought this ring, that's why they have that picture!

I got free shipping and only had to pay $2.98 for those two rings! Yay!

Jaqua gift sets from Tyra Banks Show

2006-02-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

My mom won these giftsets from the Tyra Banks Show, she gave them to me as I love Jaqua products. Yay for me!

The Lip Whip Set:

If you don't like sticky lip glosses, you'd like these. I find Chanel's Glossimers and Urban Decay's Lip Gunk a bit stickier than these. The color goes on more sheer than what's seen in the tube so I wouldn't recommend these for those with highly pigmented lips. Luckily, I don't have highly pigmented lips.

My favorite color of the three is Tuscan Orange which left my lips a dark pink color. Pink Buttercream leaves a very pale pink color on my lips and the Caramel Cappuccino comes out as a neutral color, very sheer.

The Lip Whip set retails for $28.00/Contains three 7ml/. 24 fluid oz. lip glosses in Pink Buttercream Frosting, Tuscan Orange and Caramel Cappuccino.

Our Favorite Body Butters Trio:

I really like Jaqua's body butters. I love to wear their Chocolat body butter with Piment et Chocolat by Dawn Spencer Hurwitz as the body butter adds a touch of sweetness to P&C without taking away from the spiciness of the fragrance.

I think I'll layer the Marshmallow Cocoa Marshmallow Cocoa with Serendipitous and I'll use the Buttercream one with Eau de Charlotte by Annick Goutal (I love, love, love to layer that fragrance with a cake scent). I have a lot of peach fragrances so I'll have to see which one works best with Peach Parfait.

Our Favorite Body Butters Trio retails for $22/Contains 2 oz.of each: Buttercream Frosting Shea Body Butter, Marshmallow Cocoa Body Butter, Peach Parfait Body Butter

Our Favorite Shower Syrups Set:

I'm addicted to shower gels so this is by far my favorite set of the three. I love Jaqua's shower syrups and already have a full size bottle of Caramel Cappuccino and a few other fragrances in their line but hadn't tried the other three in this kit.

My new favorite is the Maple Sugar one which smells like so much like maple syrup. I almost cried when I smelled this one as I suddenly craved pancakes. *sobs* I haven't had pancakes in forever! I really love this one!

Everyone knows that my biggest food weakness is a cupcake with buttercream icing (ok, ok I really should say cupcakes because who can stop at just one?) so I can't believe I hadn't tried the Buttercream Frosting shower syrup before! This is just as fabulous as the rest of Jaqua's Buttercream collection!

Tuscan Orange is probably the last scent I'd choose out of this collection. Not because it isn't good but let's face it, I'm a fiend for sweets and this isn't exactly a "break your belt" sweet fragrance in comparison to the rest of the line. Tuscan Orange is a very rich and deep blood orange scent which will be a perfect after a hard workout.

Our favorite shower syrups kit retails for $18/Contains: 2 oz. Hydrating Shower Syrups in Buttercream Frosting, Maple Sugar, Tuscan Orange and Caramel Cappuccino.

My point of view

2006-02-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge football fan but don't like football!

It's my nature to root for the underdog but the underdog this time around are the Seahawks where Matt Hasselbeck is the quarterback. He's the brother-in-law to The View's Elizabeth Hasselbeck and because I can't stand her and he's related to her by marriage, I'm not cheering for the underdog!

I think I may even like Star Jones over Elizabeth Hasselbeck and that's really saying something because I can't stand Star Jones!

Has anyone seen the Got Milk ad for The View? Click here to see it better. It says: Our point of view. Start off your day with milk. Studies show that calcium and nutrients in milk can play an important role in weight loss...

Um, how many gallons of milk did Star Jones drink then? Why is she so quiet about how she lost all that weight when clearly she lost it all because of milk!

MILK!

Why do I even bother with diet and exercise???

Go Steelers!

Van Cleef & Arpels Birmane

2006-02-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing Van Cleef & Arpels Birmane today. I bought this two years ago at Marshalls for $15.99 I believe. I hadn't worn it in a while as it hasn't been one of my favorite fragrances but decided upon it last night and again this morning.

The notes according to Osmoz are:
Top: Bergamot, Pineapple, Rosewood, Lemon
Middle: Rose, Orchid, Orris, Heliotrope
Base: Vanilla, Tonka, Sandal, Musk

I've seen it described elsewhere as: Launched by the design house of Van Cleef & Arpels in 1999, BIRMANE by Van Cleef & Arpels is classified as a sharp fragrance. This feminine scent possesses a blend of: top notes including fruits and freesia, lower notes combining jasmine, red lily and white rose. Hints of musk and tonka bean. It is recommended for casual wear.

I'm not crazy about the top notes as the pineapple gets to me for some reason. I love the way pineapple smells, I love to eat it (especially in cake) but in fragrance, it irritates me! I do get jasmine and freesia at first but once it dries down I can't detect it anymore. The middle notes linger the longest on me, it's more earthy/rooty than anything else. Slightly sweetened by the bottom notes but not too much. The staying power is fantastic and I prefer this one in colder months but it can really be worn year round.

The reason I don't wear it more often is the top notes but once I get past them I love this fragrance. I really should just apply it and let my blow drier zap the top notes for me!

Birmane is discontinued but you can find it for $21.58/3.4 oz. at Scentiments

Autographed Shakira CD

2006-02-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

I won an autographed copy of Shakira's Oral Fixation Volume 2 album through MTV's Dirty Little Secrets Contest.

This is how the prizes break down for that contest:
Grand Prize: $25,000 cash, opportunity for winner to be an MTV correspondent for four weeks in 2006, access for winner and guest to all shows of the tour, meet and greets, digital camera, Microsoft Windows XP Media Center and laptop (ARV $52,785).

Finalist Prizes (10): Trip for one to a city of MTVN's choosing for the opportunity to be interviewed for consideration as the Grand Prize Winner (ARV $1,350).

First Prizes (100): Autographed CD by the Artist (ARV $17)

I first heard of Shakira ten years ago and couldn't stand her at the time but have grown to like her a bit.

I much prefer her singing in Spanish over English as I can't really understand her when she sings in English, although she does sound better now than she did back then!

I'm giving this to my sister who'd appreciate it as she welcomes crappy music into her life. She owns the Josh Gracin album! Need I say more?

Girl's Night Out Poker Set

2006-02-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

This arrived yesterday in a huge mother box, it's a Girl's Night Out Poker Set. I won it from Shop Etc.

It's not actually much of a poker set as the playing cards are missing so it's just a poker chip set actually. Aren't the playing cards a huge part in the poker playing process? In other words, I got played!

That's what happens when you gamble!

I actually don't know how to play poker and am not much of a gambler but I do know the words to The Gambler!

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done."

*cries* That song goes straight to the heart!

I actually know the entire song by heart and am not ashamed to admit it!
I love me some Kenny Rogers man!

Girl's Night Out Poker Set retails for $49.99 at Things Remembered.