Tuesday, June 27, 2006



WW: Ugh, it's been a long time. So, I started my six week challenge three weeks ago and how have I done?

Well, the first week I lost 1.6 lbs - Yay!

Weeks two and three, I gained a total of 1.2 lbs - Ugh!

What happened?

Honestly, I started out with the best of intentions on those weeks - I really did. But good intentions mean nothing if there isn't follow through!

Yesterday, I spent a lot of time on the Weight Watchers site looking up recipes, try new things. Next weigh in, there will be some positive results!

SI: Since last injuring myself, I've really managed to gain ground on this front. I had mentioned to some friends how this was the first year my body had been for the most part injury free. In years past, I'd always have some time of injury and never fully allowed myself to heal. I think being injury free has lowered my tolerance for physical pain so when I last injured myself, one injury in particular took longer to heal and I zoomed into that one injury, obsessed with it. Re-thinking my actions and what lead up to injuring myself.

What scares me the most is when I think about getting older and continuing on this path, there just isn't any light heading down this road if I don't get this under control. What seems so normal to me, isn't - deep down I know it isn't but at my lowest, it seems like the only option I have.

I've given up far too much control of my life being a self injurer. So often I believed that my actions haven't had much of an effect on others, that by being an self injurer - I'm only injuring myself. But I'm finding out how much it hurts those around me as well.

The past two weeks, things have been really good for me but really bad for those I love.

In the second week of my six week challenge, I felt tested when my Dad was hospitalized twice, nothing major but not really minor either. - I mean honestly, anytime anyone goes into the hospital it's not a good thing, unless they are there to have a baby. -

I managed to turn all the negative stress into a positive and started on a major project in trying to minimize the clutter and really clean up and organize the entire house. It's a project I've been meaning to start for a while and am really proud of what I've accomplished thus far.

In little ways, I'm changing! Back to the road of positivity!

I felt a load of relief when week three started and my Dad was feeling much better!

Then we got the worst news of all when a week ago, my sister Sarah's friend Monet was murdered.

Last Monday (06/19), I had asked Sar about Monet and how she was doing (as she had been applying for a new job) and Sar mentioned that Monet was set to start a new job on Friday (06/16). She mentioned that it was really strange that she couldn't get ahold of Monet, they were supposed to have dinner together that Friday but when Monet tried calling her, she couldn't hear her due to bad reception. They tried calling each other back but still couldn't hear anything. Sar then received a text message from Monet canceling on dinner which Sar found really odd but didn't worry too much.

Sar called Monet everyday from Saturday (06/17) through Monday (06/19) and left messages for Monet to call her back, by Sunday - Sar was worried. On Tuesday morning, (06/20) Sar called Monet but Monet's message box was full.

Tuesday night Sar received a phone call from a co-worker mentioning that Monet's name was mentioned on the news regarding an apartment fire and possible murder associated with it.

The timeline of the events make no sense as it's been reported that Monet's car was missing on Tuesday (06/13) and reported stolen by a family member on Saturday (06/17). Monet was reported missing on Sunday evening (06/18) and on Monday afternoon (06/19) her apartment was set on fire and a body was found in her apartment. Hours after the fire, Monet's car was involved in a rollover accident. The person driving the car was taken in on a parole violation and questioned.

The media first reported that the apartment belonged to Monet but didn't mention whose body was found until positive identification could be made. It was announced on Thursday (06/22) that the body found was indeed Monet's.

This was the last update on the case found through the Denver Post.

There are more questions than answers at this point and at this point and nobody has been charged with Monet's murder, they haven't even named a suspect.

Whoever killed Monet destroyed everything material she possessed, everything physical was destroyed. There was nothing left, even her cats were killed in the fire. What kind of a person does that?

Such a loss on the world, Monet lived such a short life and while her name may not have been famous her actions and spirit speak volumes of the person she was and will continue to ripple on. She was such a passionate person and believed strongly in her faith. She had overcome so much and had really had the world ahead of her. This isn't supposed to happen to a person like her.

Monet was buried today, hopefully in the days to come certain questions will be answered and justice will be served.

It's so awful, I honestly don't know how Sar's able to function. I can't even imagine how I'd react but I can guarantee it wouldn't be a positive reaction. I've often said that the women in my family are incredibly, overwhelmingly strong and Sar is no exception.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


World Cup!

Four years! I've been waiting four years for our chance to go all the way, to finally win the world cup. What can I say, I'm a dreamer and root for the underdog. Anything can happen! Anything!

Since this year's cup started I've seen all the games but it hadn't set in until yesterday morning - that we actually stood a chance at this thing. Yeah, so we're in a tough group. Yeah, the Czech Republic is ranked 2nd to our 5th but still - there was a chance!

Honestly, Arena and the boys are the best team we've ever had so going in we knew it wasn't going to be easy but still - we stood a chance!

It's so hard to be an American soccer fan for so many reasons, number one being that it's famous everywhere else but here! Yeah, we finished last in '98. BUT, we came back in 2002, made it to the quarters where Germany took us down. So, I've been saying this whole time, the past four years that we can do it - we can win the cup!

I declared yesterday morning as "The Best Day of 2006!" Seriously, everything was going good! Stepped on the scale and had lost some weight. Felt totally awesome after my shower and decided to wear 2000 et Une Rose - for all those hopes and dreams you know.

I kept saying to myself "Kasey Keller, your time is now!"

I was so nervous but so overwhelmingly excited, even though we were the underdogs going in I knew we would win - I just knew we'd win! We had it in us!

Watched the game and all the sudden the Czechs scored.

Still, I believed! I mean we had already seen some huge upsets in the cup. It was okay - we were going to take them down!

Reyna had it, he had the ball - we were ready to score and there was nobody there to assist him! WHATTHEHELLMOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Ah, but we still had a shot! We could recoup from this - play harder, stronger, with passion!

Denied! The Czechs score again! At this point I wanted to cry! I just wanted Friedel back!

Then the half. Sure we had been playing shitty this whole time but I believed that we'd come back fierce, with fire in our souls!

Early on we use our subs and I was really happy to see O'Brien again and Johnson - man, Johnson was practically the only guy playing for our side in the second half!

Still, it wasn't enough to let our asses get kicked - we were smothered when we allowed a 3rd goal!

Seriously guys, did you not get the wakeup call?!?! This wasn't an exhibition game- this was the real deal and you choose to play like that!?!?!

I'm so sick of the excuses, practically all the players blamed it on how hard it was to recover from an early goal. Seriously??? Costa Rica didn't give the game up to the Germans that easily when Germany scored early!

I'm sick of hearing that Donovan and Beasley are caving under too much pressure! They're veteran players, this isn't their first cup! And I'm sick of hearing that our players are playing at MLS level when a huge chunk of them have and/or still play for European teams!

Seriously, AYSO players that sit on the bench could have kicked your ass the way you were playing!

Yesterday it was disbelief, today it's anger!

We deserve better than that!

No more excuses! Bring it on baby, show the world what we've got! Kick some Italian ass! Four years, we've been waiting four years for this! It's not over, we're still in the game! We can go all the way!

Thursday, June 08, 2006


Attention bargain shoppers!

Ho hum, I was wondering what I fragrance I should buy myself for my upcoming landmark birthday so I'm running through the filofax of fragrances I "need" and it hit me!

*rolls eyes*

Duh, I totally have to buy Lancôme Mille & Une Roses! Not only because it's a gorgeous rose fragrance that was ever so kindly presented to me by my darling friend and mentor Barbatia but it's also my best friend Annieytown's special fragrance that is wrapped with with all sorts of wonderful wishes and dreams.

Seriously, it may be the most perfect fragrance for this occasion as she wished it to come back on the market and it did! Oh man, I hope she isn't wishing for some Clooney love because I may be forced to put a hex on her.

Anyhow, I'm all about wishes and dreams, especially since I'm about to enter a whole new decade in my life so this is perfect.

Which leads me to the bargain part of this post. If you sign into Ebates and place your order through there you earn a 6% rebate on your purchase. Plus, with code FATALJUN you get a free seven piece sample collection (as shown below) with any $60 purchase. Not to mention that you get to choose another free sample with your order and there is free shipping with any $50 or more purchase.

They also gift wrap for free if you're interested - which I was! Don't forget to use your favorite cash back/reward points credit card to finalize your order.

$125, such a small price to pay for wishes and dreams! ♥

Tuesday, June 06, 2006



I'm such a sucker for jewelry shaped like food and as soon as I saw these I had to order them!

Darling Grapes Pendant - Purple $10

Darling Grapes Pendant - Green $10

They are fabulous and even more adorable in person, a steal at $10 a piece! Purchased through 7 Indigo Designs.


Mollisher's Mark

On this day of days I'm sporting a mark!

Ah, not the triple six mark, although I am quite devilish I've got on Mollisher's Mark by Beyond the Pale!

I first heard of Beyond the Pale through The Sampler as they were a December '05/January '06 contributor. Sadly, I didn't receive a sample of fragrance in my subscription and they were constantly sold out of samples so I hadn't tried any of their fragrances until now.

Mollisher's Mark is described as: Utterly feminine, powdery parma violets melt intriguingly into fresh rosewood and pure vanilla, infused with a hint of cinnamon, nutmeg and exotic sandalwood in the pure jojoba oil base. Reminiscent of decadent boudoirs, silk stockings draped nonchalantly over the dressing table- the subtle naughtiness of a bygone era; Mollisher's Mark is a long-lasting, uniquely spiced yet subtly floral fragrance, for ladies with pouty lips and a knowing wink...

First off I love violets, not to mention I'm a diehard spice junkie so add the two together and already I'm in heaven.

The violets aren't green at all, but not overly powdery either. Dusty rather with hints of spice that is even more evident when you're out in the sun. I often have an allergic reaction to fragrances heavy in cinnamon oil - to the point where my skin turns beet red and puffs up. Thankfully there isn't a lot of cinnamon oil in here, just enough. The woods are much stronger upon initial application but once the fragrance warmed with my skin, I couldn't detect them.

I love this, I really do! It's a gorgeous blend and one I wouldn't hesitate to order it again. Very lovely!

I purchased the smaller bottle show above for £4.99 but they also sell 10ml bottles for £9.99 directly through Beyond the Pale or Ebay, other fragrances in the line are also sold through Queen of Hearts.

Saturday, June 03, 2006



Gardenias are one of my absolute favorite flowers, not only does it smell heavenly but it's aesthetically pleasing. I love everything about them, the color, the texture and most of all the scent!

A few summers back I was obsessed with finding the perfect gardenia fragrance and tried my fare share of them but didn't really take to any of them. Still, I hunted for that perfect gardenia scent and filled the need that summer with the help of lots of gardenia candles and sachets. I tried Kai back then but didn't really take to it as back then as I really wasn't into oils. Good thing I gave Kai a second try.

Kai perfume oil

Described as: An intoxicating blend of tropical gardenia and white exotic flowers. Preciously packed in a roll-on vile, the delightful scent of Kai is conveniently carried and stored for a quick and easy dabbing anywhere or anytime.

With oils, it's so easy to overapply as the fragrance intensifies with the warmth of your skin. What I like about Kai is that it isn't too weak or too strong, it's the perfect balance. I've heard jasmine being mentioned as one of the notes but I sadly don't get any jasmine in here nor do I get plumeria, I do get a hint of honeysuckle however.

I've always envied those types of girls who can go out in public wearing flowers in there hair. When I do it, I just look like a mega dork so I don't bother doing it in public - in private however, that's a different story! Yeah, I've secretly worn gardenias in my hair! I can't help it, I'm just enthralled in the scent!

Kai perfume oil retails for $45/ 0.8 ounces

Kai Glow

Described as: Gives your skin that sexy glow. Kai in a light blend of natural essences and exotic perfumes, in a lustrous and naturally hydrating mist.

Kai Glow is a dry oil mist that's scented with Kai fragrance. This was a last minute purchase as I was convinced that I didn't really need it, having the perfume oil already but was incredibly interested in comparing the two products.

The first time I used it, I sprayed it on my arms, decloté and ran my still damp hair with my fingers. The scentdisappearedd all too quickly on my arms but lingered on my decloté and of course in my hair. It leaves your skin feeling silky smooth and lightly scented. While the scent doesn't last as long as the Kai perfume oil, I really liked how the product made my skin feel and loved that it was lightly scented.

Kai Glow retails for $28/4 oz.

Kai body lotion

Described as: Our Kai scented body moisturizer. Kai Body Lotion contains safflower seed oil, shea butter, apricot kernal oil and cucumber fruit extract.

I'm a product junkie and like to have matching products of my favorite scents, mainly lotions. Like the body glow, the lotion is also lightly scented with Kai fragrance. It's strong enough to wear on it's own but I'd highly recommend combining with with one or both of the previous products to have the scent last all day. When I layered all three products, I'm good for an entire day and have no need to reapply once.

The issues I have with fragranced lotions is either they tend not to provide enough moisturizer or they tend to be sticky. Kai lotion was just perfect, left me well moisturized and not sticky at all.

Kai body lotion retails for $30/8 oz. bottle


WW: Chutes and Ladders

Do you remember when playing Chutes and Ladders, how you'd get so far only to stumble across a chute and manage to fall back?

Long story short - I injured myself on Monday.

I honestly did everything I could to avoid it - breathe therapy, crying, breaking things and even an intense workout on the treadmill but all of that was still not enough to stop me.

For a while now I could feel myself slipping and as much as I tried to avoid it, the trigger was just so much stronger than me. After everything happened I felt instantly better, like my soul had this shroud lifted off of it. I know it's only temporary relief as once the feeling disappears, you're left with physical pain to mask the emotional one.

One thing that remained with me throughout was what a friend said, when and if I did stumble and injure myself, not to injure myself worse that what I would normally do - you know, not to make up for lost time. That was one of my biggest fears in trying to take control of being a self injurer, that I would fall so low to a place where I'd be unable to start all over again.

This is the third time I've injured myself this year which in all honesty isn't bad as this is the first time I've ever intentionally tried to stop, three times in the span of six months. One thing that I never took notice of until this year was that all three times that I injured myself, I was on my menstrual cycle which I felt contributed to the behavior.

Going in, I knew that setbacks are bound to happen and I'm trying not to feel too bad about it having happened but I do. I feel just awful about it and am desperately trying to get back to where I was.

So, I'm turning 30 in six weeks and am nowhere near where I thought I'd be - not even close. Feeling rather low here, so what's the solution?

Six week challenge?!?!?

You bet your ass! These last six weeks of my 20's I'm putting up a fight and am going to start this new decade on a high note - I'm not quite sure how high that note will be - but I'm determined to start a new decade in my life feeling good and hopeful.

There is only one place I can go from here and that it up! ♥


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