Wednesday, December 21, 2005


WW: I deserve better

This is my second attempt at this week's WW update.

I'm heading into week three of the lower dosage of Synthroid and starting to feel much better. My blood pressure is getting back to normal as each day passes. Well, I stepped on the scale and discovered I gained a little over a pound!

Here's what WW had to tell me: GREAT JOB for logging your weight! We notice that you've gained a little this week. You should know that gaining weight every now and then is a natural part of the weight-loss journey.

Needless to say I've been feeling defeated and deflated lately, more so than ever! Everyday a little part of me wants to give up on this goal but it's seemed to affect me even more recently. Doubt was starting to set in and I started questioning if I honestly deserved the very best out of life and if all this was really worth it - not just the weight loss but everything.

For a long time I've felt as thoughmy life has been on pause and only recently is it really starting to move.

On Saturday, I received a Christmas card from a former sorority sister that I haven't talked to in exactly five years. Recieving that card brought a flood of emotions as it was this time of year five years ago that we talked last. At the time I was at a really bad place where I thought "Can it really get worse than this?" Yes, it can and it did. Where I was five years ago was only the beginning of my personal downfall.

At first, I was focused on how little my life has changed from that place and narrowing in on only the negative but I also thought of other ways in how my life has changed and events that have taken place. So yeah, I'm nowhere near where I expected to be but I am currently doing something about it to get where I want to be.

On Monday, one of my best friends called me and we talked for a very long time as she isn't at an ideal spot in her life either. After a while she brought up the subject of my former frend and talked about out friendship or lack there of.

Seems that former friend is now claiming foul on an incident that took place exactly two years ago (What is it with this time of year???) and is now saying that that was the real reason why she was upset with me. She's also claiming that she's open and willing to talk to me but I've not contacted her.

If something has hurt or offended me, I speak up about it! The response isn't always immediate but I do make sure it is effective. At the same time if I've ever hurt or offended anyone I expect them to speak up about it so that I'm given the opportunity to clarify matters or apologize. To sum it up, I want a swift resolution to any conflict.

I don't and have never gone out of my way to purposely hurt someone, yet that was what the former friend and her spouse did to me. Even if she was genuinely hurt by the actions that took place two years ago, that still gives her no right to have treated me the way she did. Instead, I hear two years later that she's claiming to be hurt by my actions from back then.

I am incredibly angered and offended that she's making it seem as if I'm the bad guy. I'm also angered by the fact that my friend has chosen to be a mediator between the two of us when nobody ever asked her to be. If I have a beef with someone I prefer to take it up with them myself - no need for a middleman!

Instead of me responding with "Bitch is a liar!" and clarifying exactly what occured, I said "As far as I was concerned the friendship was over but I wished her a very happy life!"

And I do, with all my heart!

I'm just trying to rise above it all and focus on my own issues! Move in the direction that I need to be because deep in my heart I know I deserve better!

As Wynonna Judd said on Oprah,"I'm not where I want to be, but I'm sure as heck not where I was."

(((S))) That sucks! Dorothy needs to get the hell over herself and her drama, and Rose needs to leave well enough alone. I'm sure she feels like she's in a bad position, but it's not her place to "fix" things. Put them out of your head and enjoy the season!

And, just so we're clear, you DO deserve the best out of life, weight loss and health included!
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