Tuesday, March 14, 2006


WW: Where I'm at and what I'm dealing with.

*Bummer of a check-in so please skip if you're vulnerable to sadness*

From last week to this one I gained 1.2 lbs! I'm not sure if it's because of the cookie binge I went on lathe week before, if it's because my thyroid is wonky or if it's something else. I exercised five out of the seven days and stuck to my points so there wasn't a reason to gain any weight this week.

This past week I went in for my three month check up, I had gone in for bloodwork two weeks ago and once again my levels are too high! I was on Sythroid 125 and recently refilled my prescription so I have to alternate between a full and a half tablet every other day and once those run out I'll then be on Synthroid 112. The good news is that my levels aren't as high as they were last time and I don't have to go back for another six months! Progress baby!

The bad news, I wasn't tested for thalassemia (genetic anemia that my mom & sister have). My sister asked me if I had been tested for it and I lied and told her I forgot. The truth was I didn't forget! I've just been incredibly stressed lately and am not in a place where I could deal with the possibly bad news, mainly because I'm not quite ready to move on to the second phase of this whole movement process.

In all honesty, it's not that bad of an issue and thalassemia isn't a life threatening disease but I just didn't want to know my status right now.

Seriously, my inability to be tested for it challenges this whole movement in my life that I'm trying to attempt. I am such a wuss! I am incredibly disappointed in myself but will make sure I'm tested for it at the next checkup.

The phase 2 process of this whole movement thing is dealing with my self-injury which I've mentioned here before and talked about a bit on Trina's blog. It's an incredibly painful issue to discuss and certainly one that I'd like to avoid all together but I've come to realize that I'm doing more damage holding these emotions in.

Today's episode of Oprah goes into detail about one woman's struggle with self injury. I've seen this issue before and found it far too painful to watch as I recognize so much of myself in that woman's behavior. There is one scene where she says "One more time and I'll be fine." I've been there so many times and have spoken those exact words.

Avoidance will not make the problem go away, I know that. In so many ways I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to deal with these all these issues, both why I became a self injurer and how I've allowed self-injury to consume my life.

So, that's where I'm at and what I'm dealing with.

(((Sand))) You have so much coming at you and going on at once! I understand your frustration and pain and impatience. I'm pulling for you!

♥ ♥

I Love you buddy.

I'm so glad you've started talking about it. I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with.

I believe that in this, Our Year of The Thirty (*cue theme song*) you can overcome and accomplish anything. Remember that no matter what the goal, you are my second self and we are in this together!
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