Wednesday, November 08, 2006


WW: Bigger Picture

I know, I know! I'm lagging behind!

First thing's first - last week's weigh in showed that I had gained 3.2 lbs. I didn't freak out because my cycle had just started and I was ultra bloated. I literally had to roll out of bed and my fat/skinny jeans (which are quickly becoming my fat/fat jeans) were a bit snug. That's how bloated I was, Violet Beauregarde bloated!

I've had as much as a gain of 5 lbs during my cycle so I wasn't concerned with last week's gain as it's usually gone the following week.

Stepped on the scale this monday and my weight had only gone down one pound! *sobs* Certainly there is the possibility that it's just muscle as I've kept up my end of the bargain with the diet and exercise.

I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does! I had a good cry about it yesterday - this has really been a year full of frustration for me. Again because I spend far too much time focusing on the numbers and not the bigger picture.

I know that it's the journey that's been paved for me and I'm a better person because of it but there are times were I just want to quit!

Not that I would as I've got so much to gain by continuing on this path. But the feeling comes around every now and then - more this year than last.

That being said - I think it may be time to retire my fat/skinny jeans and buy a smaller pair. Just one pair so as not to get TOO comfortable in that size. I purposely haven't gone shopping for new clothes and in all honesty am unsure of what size I'm at currently - I mean, I have an approximation of the size I'm at but am not positive about it.

My sister's coming into town for Thanksgiving and I mentioned while she's here we'd look. I hate shopping for clothes - being a life long fatty, it's such a painful chore to shop for clothes. I have many memories of breaking down in fitting rooms because I was too big for anything cute.

*sobs* I may just chicken out and stick with my fat/skinny jeans - I'll just get a belt and over time I can hold them up with suspenders! That way I'll never have to shop for jeans again!

Please check out www.radiantrecovery.com. The name is dumb, I know. But the eating plan is made for you. It's designed to stabilize serotonin and beta endorphin (BE) levels. Did you know that SI actually spikes BE levels? That's how it gives you that high. Doing the food according to the program stabilizes them so you don't get those BE lows that leave you vulnerable to SI episodes. And you lose weight. Seriously, it works. I don't tell many people about it because who wants to hear someone proselytize about another diet plan? But doing it is the only thing that's kept me sane (and healthy) through a great deal of loss and anxiety during the past 5 years. It's not about weight, it's about mood; the weight loss is just a benefit. I was re-reading my books on it and thought of you and SI when I got to the beta endorphin parts. Please, just give it a look.
I can relate to this! I have been trying to find jeans that fit, and everything is made for the teenagers now, so it's all low riders! I can't wear those things, I'm too old! My old ones are too big and I look like an old farmer when I wear them, but it's hard to find a replacement.

I have been trying very hard to stay on track now that winter is coming. It is a lot more difficult to keep the weight coming off steadily when I am in "hibernation" mode for the cold months. I just keep telling myself it's just one day and one week at a time, and pretty soon the days will be getting longer again....
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