I've been into major avoidance mode lately because I've been feeling rather stressed.
Part of me is so incredibly super excited to be at this point where I'm down fifty! I feel unstoppable, indestructible and a little like going up to strangers and saying "Don't touch me because baby, I'm on fire!" I'm walking around with my head in the clouds because I'm open and ready for what happens next.
The other part of me is hardcore freaking out! I'm so disappointed as I feel like it's taken me forever to get to this point! I keep thinking that I should know better by now, like I should instantly be able to tell the difference with food measurements and know how many points each item contains. I still have so much to work on and it seems like it's too much. I feel like my soul is black and my heart is empty. That I'm never going to have control over any of this and I can't handle it - any of it! Ugh! Seriously, what happens next?
I only lost .2 lbs this week which is nearly nothing and here's what Weight Watchers said on the matter:If you're feeling a little neutral about your weight-loss result, here's a little fact to make you smile: The rate you`re losing weight at is considered to be very safe and healthy. So you're seeing success! You're doing the right thing.Remember this anonymous saying this week: "Feel pride in how far you've come and confidence in where you're going."
I know that I'm just being a major drama queen and all out big baby about the situation and in all honesty my dilemma is so incredibly minor compared to others but it's still MY dilemma!
And MY dilemma still has to be dealt with by ME!
*sobs* I just feel like I can't handle this anymore and I'm not quite ready to move onto the next step. I know that I have to move on, and deep in my heart I know that things will be better for me once I move on but I'm not ready for it!
It's times like this where where I get into avoidance mode and want to pause time until I'm ready to move on. Then I focus on a specific quote from The Hours
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."
Ready or not, here is where I take another step toward finding my peace.