¡Ombligo!

I went down a whole 0.8 lbs this week! Stupid body, stupid Graves! Graves disease for the most part isn't bad until my levels are off and then it's just a plain ass hassle. This week I start the new dosage of Synthroid so I'm hoping that my body starts feeling better. I'm feeling incredibly off lately - tired, aggravated, my eyes are killing me and I'm having problems sleeping again.

When my levels are normal I can fall asleep naturally, this past week even sleeping pills didn't help me fall asleep! I can't wait for my body to get back to normal, that'll be nice!

I'm glad I lost some weight this week because I put forth a lot of effort, well minus this weekend - not too much effort there but still.

SI: Thank you all for your constant love and support, it honestly means the world to me! I'm very proud to announce that I made it through an entire month without injuring myself! This is the first time that I'm making a conscious effort to control this issue and I'm rather proud of myself. Not to say that it's been easy, it hasn't - far from it! I was really tested this past week when on Wednesday my computer was subject to a virus.

I've had minor issues with computers before, mostly having to remove programs that were added without my consent and the like but this was the first major issue that I've had to deal with. I was calm when it first hijacked my system and I was able to delete some of the program but everytime I'd restart my computer the program would take control over more of the system. I couldn't localize the hidden folders so it got to the point where the virus was in full control and at that point I'm just sobbing and the desire to injure myself is just escalating by the second.

Everything I'm trying isn't working and I'm beyond breathe therapy because I'm about to pass out, I walked out of the room sobbing because at this point even system restore isn't working. The last thing I can do at this point is get it back to where it's factory restored so I run that program and again walk out of the room.

I was so frustrated and felt such a desire to injure myself just to feel better. I really needed instant relief at that point so rather than injuring myself I decide to hop on the treadmill while the computer is running the restoration program.

I set the treadmill on incline and start it at a rather high speed to get all that negativity. It took a good half hour on the treadmill to get all those emotions out, to get to a place where I no longer felt the need to injure myself.

I was lucky in this situation because I was able to fix my computer and able to let the negativity out without injuring myself but I wonder what happens when I can't easily control the situation and focus that negativity elsewhere. At least here, I still had a lot of control.

What about situations that are far beyond my control, that's what scares me! What do normal people do in situations like this? It's going to take so much effort to get to a place where I can deal with situations that are both within and beyond my control.

I know there will be setbacks in my progress but I'm going to try my best to prevent them from happening. At this point that's all I can do, my best.