So, in the past two weeks I've managed to add on 1.2 lbs back on my body. I gained .4lbs last week and .8lbs this week. I'd love to say it wasn't all my fault as the treadmill was down for over a week until a service person was able to fix it - turns I (being the only one who uses the treadmill) wore down the bolt.
You'd think as soon as the treadmill was fixed I'd jump right on it and get back to the level I was working at but no, - instead I got lazy and used that time to feast on turkey burgers and guacamole! I love guacamole but it sure doesn't love me, freakin'crapbastardguacamolefromhell!
For a while there I was eating a lot less meat which no doubt helped move the scale a lot so for this week I'm going to try more vegetarian meals and hopefully get back to where I was.
Anyhow, last week I was talking to my sister and asking her what she had found out about her thalassemia
as she went to see a Hematologist and had more specialized tests done. It was assumed that she had Alpha version (which is found in Asians) because my mom's got it and her dad was from China - I mean - boom, boom, boom...right?
Ah, not so fast - turns out my sister's got the Beta version (the Mediterranean one)! Now, we've always known we were mixed and going back a few generations, our ancestors have come from different continents but not once had any Mediterranean ancestry come up!
Crap! While some people are left with a hearty chunk of an inheritance once their ancestors pass on, our ancestors left us with this lousy genetic disorder!
Seriously, these have got to be some massive turbo genes and the odds are so slim, so very slim for them to have been carried so far but they have been. Anyhow I'm going to be tested for it in September as I previously thought that the odds of me having it were slim to none but now with this revelation I'm not too sure.
SI: I'm trying to let go of the little things and not let those little things build up but what I really need to work on is being more vocal when things bother me, instead I become incredibly non-confrontational and withdraw. And not just withdraw from those with whom I have issues with but do a complete life withdrawal - calls become unreturned, e-mails go answered and the list goes on.
You know that episode of Friends
where they find out what makes Fun Bobby so fun - the fact that he's an alcoholic and is only "fun" when he's inebriated.
That's what I feel like, as though things were somewhat better when I was injuring myself as I'd pretend that certain issues didn't affect me and I was more easy going toward others and life in general. Which I know sensibly is an unhealthy attitude but somehow it made sense to me so I was really trying to get over this thought when I got a call from one of my best friends who I had been avoiding for a while as I've been trying to get my life in order.
She went though similar trauma in her childhood and had adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms as well - different from mine but still negative. Anyhow, for a while now she has been seeking help in how to deal with her issues. The last time we talked things were going really great for her and she was in a really great place. All of the sudden a series of events come crashing down on her and she's pushed all the way back in the game of life.
All this time I've been saying that I'm so not at where I envisioned myself to be at this age, nowhere near where I thought I'd be and she shared that she too wasn't where she expected to be given her recent circumstances. One thing that has provided her comfort is the fact that she has now been given the tools to deal with her current situation in a healthy way because she knows how she would have dealt with her current situation in the past and it would have pushed her even farther back than where she is now so in the mean time she needs to suck it up and rebuild herself to move forward.
So, I need to suck it up and rebuild to move forward and I can't move forward until I've overcome these issues because I want to be able to deal with situations in a healthy way when life comes crashing down.
Ugh, I wish life was easier! Why can't I just wear a sign that says "Girl's got issues!" so that people can nod their heads and walk away? *sobs*