¡Ombligo!

This past week was rough, maybe it's because my patience is wearing thin or PMS or possibly a combination of the two but it was very rough.

There was a lot of temptation to eat unhealthy, especially this past weekend but I stuck to my plan as I was really hoping to see positive results and it worked!

I lost two pounds this week, exactly two pounds! Right before I stepped on the scale I told myself to be satisfied with one down if it was at least one but seeing the scale read two down was exactly what I needed.

I've really been watching what I eat and only allowed myself one meal to let myself go - sometimes I don't exactly watch how much I'm eating, especially on weekends. I changed up my exercise routine and have added strength training to my workout - building on it slowly and am incredibly sore but it helped me out this week and kept my energy up!

Next week I have to go in for bloodwork and a checkup, something I'm not looking forward to at all. I also have to schedule an appointment to have my eyes checked. Graves Disease really fucks up the eyes and since being diagnosed I hadn't had too many problems other than them being constantly dry but two months ago I noticed that my vision is getting really bad and at times blurry which could be in cause by Graves but blurry vision is also a symptom of diabetes.

Diabetes is like my kryptonite, I can't deal with that shit. It runs on my maternal side with my Grandmother and Mom being diagnosed with it, granted they were much older than I am now. After being diagnosed with Graves all tests came back negative for diabetes then but I think it would be a good idea to be tested again just to make sure. I talked to my sister about my worries and when I told her that I really couldn't handle being diagnosed as diabetic she told me "Why not? You eat healthy and exercise!"

Which is a good point but ugh, what a shitty disease that not only wreaks havoc on your body but you have to test your blood twice a day. That's something I just don't think I could handle, I'm severely hemophobic. Seriously,deathly afraid of blood, even the word freaks me out. Honestly, I would get so sick learning about the circulatory system in school. The only reason that I've never been able to cross over into being a cutter is because of my fear of blood.

I have never been able to donate blood because my fear is so extreme. When I was a senior in high school my English teacher offered an automatic "A" on any test to anyone who donated blood. I was the only one in my class who didn't donate. Guilt consumes me constantly and I hope I am never in a position where I would need donated blood as I don't think I'll ever get over this fear.

At this point I'm thinking the worst and won't know until I'm tested. At least I'm being pro-active about it and have admitted to the fact that I need to be tested. If it comes back positive I deal with it which I honestly don't think I can, if not, I do everything to prevent it.

Seriously, this shit is bananas!