I stepped on the scale yesterday morning with no expectations whatsoever. For a while there I was getting a bit obsessed with the numbers on the scale and found myself constantly weighing myself - which could easily trigger me back to bulimic tendencies so I really tried to make it a point these past few weeks to only weigh myself once and not focus on the number.
My weight loss has been rather slow and inconsistent so the expectation wasn't high. Anyhow, I was very pleased to have discovered a loss of 1.4 lbs this week!
Yay! That made me feel really good.
I was talking to one of my best friends this past week and mentioned to her the results from all those test and she said "As you've been saying, this is your year! The start of something fabulous!"
It really is!
I saw the episode of Oprah
today, "Suddenly Skinny" about these women who had an addiction to food, had gastric bypass surgery to lose the weight and then traded one addiction for another.
In the past I would often think that if I were thin, life would be perfect. Failing to recognize why I was fat - same with being a self-injurer. It's all a mask to cover up the real problem.
While I may complain about this process being so slow, In so many ways I'm also grateful that this process is slow. It allows me time to really focus on my negative behaviors.
I often worry that I'll never fully have these demons in control. Only time can tell what will happen. But I can't spend my entire life in the dark nor can I let these worries manifest.
I have to keep on keeping on!
Try and be the best "me" I can possibly be!
I haven't mentioned any updates regarding my struggles with SI. After the last time I decided not to keep track of the occurrence - just to really focus on the how and why. It's been while now - a long one - so, that's where I'm at there.
Each new day provides me with the opportunity to better my life with small steps.